We Aren't Who We Were
by littlelionblaines
Summary: "Now we both have separate lives and lovers, insignificantly we both have significant others. Only time will tell…" Future!Klaine. Kurt and Blaine begin a secret, passionate, very forbidden relationship. Could this casual fling turn into something more?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: Hey guys! I haven't written in a while. I was kind of nervous about writing again, but the reviews on my first story were so warm and nice that I decided to have another go at this fic writing thing (:**

**This is another future!fic (I know, I know…) I just love Future!Klaine so much! Beside I read so many present day fics that I just don't think I can compare to their awesome-ness! Haha! **

**I know the beginning is kinda choppy, but it's because my main focus is the "future" part of the fic. This first chapter is just to give some background information and stuff.**

**Totally inspired by the song "A Day Late" by Anberlin (:**

**If you haven't heard it, go check it out!**

**I hope you guys like it!**

**Reviews = 3**

*****disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Glee D:**

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><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were<strong>

**Chapter 1**

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked quietly, his fingers twirling around a loose thread on his comforter.

Blaine sighed deeply and sat down on the bed next to Kurt taking his hands in his.

"It's…It's for the best you know?"

Kurt looked at Blaine angrily. "For the best? How is this for the best?"

Blaine closed his eyes for a minute, before continuing. "Long distance relationships never work out. I don't—I don't want that. It'll be too hard for…for us."

Kurt squirmed his hands out of Blaine's grasp and turned away to look out the window. "I thought you would fight for us Blaine. I thought you—of all people—would have the _courage_ to stay in this relationship. Isn't that what you always say? Courage?"

Blaine winced at the coldness of Kurt's words. He could feel every bone in his body begging to just grab Kurt and wrap his arms around him, to tell him that he was sorry, that he was being stupid, and everything would be okay—

"Don't you have any faith in us?" Kurt snapped.

"Of course I have faith in is Kurt, it's just—it'll be hard. I don't—I don't want to hold you back. Long distance relationships are tough, and painful—"

"You told me you loved me." Kurt said in a whisper, feeling his eyes sting from the tears slowly welling up in his eyes, still refusing to look at Blaine.

"I do love you Kurt. I'll always love you. It's just that…" Blaine moved toward Kurt, his eyes searching to meet the sparkling blue-green eyes beside him.

"Then why are we doing this?" Kurt asked, shifting away from Blaine on the bed.

"Kurt…Please. We can still—we can still be friends."

Kurt's head shot up, beginning to feel the heat rising in his chest. "Just friends? Are you serious right now? _Friends? _After everything we've—"

"Kurt please…summer's almost over, we'll have to say goodbye eventually."

Kurt stood up abruptly, walking toward his bedroom door and opening. "Leave, Blaine. Just leave. I don't—I don't even want to see you right now."

Blaine looked so defeated as he stood up, "Please Kurt…let's just talk about this. I don't—I don't want to lose you!"

Kurt turned away angrily. "Too late..."

* * *

><p>"He's gone."<p>

Blaine sunk into his chair as the words sunk in. _Gone_? What did that even _mean_? Where the hell could he have gone anyways? There was still 3 weeks of summer left. He hadn't even had time to make it right, to at least leave off on good terms.

"What do you mean?" Blaine asked quietly, staring at the floor.

Mercedes sighed and slipped into the seat next to Blaine, awkwardly placing a hand on his shoulder, in an attempt to comfort the obviously upset boy.

"Blaine. He loves you! You broke his heart. Beside, you know he was only staying here for you anyways. He could have been gone as soon as summer started. He told you he'd gotten a lot of internship offers right?"

Blaine stared up at her incredulously. "I—I…"

"Anyways, I gotta go Blaine. I'm sorry, but even _I'm _not sure where he's gone yet."

Blaine watched Mercedes leave. "But…I…I never even got to say goodbye," he said softly,

"To him…you _did _say goodbye." Mercedes replied, as she walked towards the door.

Blaine stared down at his hands. "I love him," he whispered, but he'd already heard the Dalton common room door click shut.

Blaine dropped his face into his hands. "I never even got a chance to tell him how much he meant to me. I can't believe I'm losing him like this."

* * *

><p>"<em>Hello?"<em>

"_Kurt!" _

"_Oh, hey Dad."_

"_You all settled in over there?"_

"_Dad, I'm fine. Seriously, one phone call a day will suffice, I promise." _

"_Oh sorry kiddo, I get worried you know? You're almost officially a college man now! You know Blaine's been uh—he's been calling the house pretty often after you two, you know. I think he wants to say goodbye or something. Do you think I should pass along your new phone nu—" _

"_Dad! Please don't! I made everyone swear to keep my contact info away from anyone at Dalton—especially Blaine. I don't think I could stand to see him again…it hurts too much." _

"_Well, alright Kurt. We'll drive up to visit soon. Tell us how the internship goes!"_

"_Yeah dad! I'll good, I promise. Just make sure Blaine doesn't know where I am, I don't think I could face him again after everything. New York is a clean slate. No way is this petty high school drama following me to new York." _

"_Is anyone over there giving you a hard time or anything? Because if they are—"_

"_Dad, this is a fashion internship, and I'm going to a fashion school. I'm going to be worshipped as a God. Please don't worry about me! I'll be fine."_

"_Alright, alright, just making sure! We'll see you soon"_

* * *

><p>"Blaine?" Wes asked, knocking gently on the dorm room door, causing the door to creak open slightly.<p>

Blaine was lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling. His tie hung loosely around his neck, his blazer tossed aside, and his eyes rimmed red. He clutched a piece of paper in his hand, aimlessly turning it around in his hands.

"Hey, Blaine, are you—are you alright?"

Blaine didn't reply, his eyes focused on the dull patterns on the Dalton Academy Dorm room ceiling.

Wes stepped into the room and sat down on the corner of Blaine's bed. "Blaine, C'mon, let's go outside and grab some fresh air, yeah?"

Blaine let out a heavy sigh and waved the piece of paper at Wes, who took it questioningly.

"It finally came." Blaine said in a groan, and rolled over, smothering his face in his pillow.

Wes's eyes widened as his eyes glossed over the paper. "You got in? Blaine! You _got in_. Dude. You should be flipping out. Hey…why _aren't_ you flipping out?"

All Wes got was a muffled reply from beneath the pillow. Wes rolled his eyes and hoisted Blaine up by the shoulders until he was sitting up right.

"Blaine Anderson. You just got accepted into Yale. Fucking _Yale_. You've been wait-listed since March! Please pretend to be at least a little bit excited, or I might have to smack you."

Blaine raised his hands slightly, letting out a sarcastic "_whoo" _while doing a little jazz hands gesture, and flopped back onto the bed.

"Damn it Blaine, Still? It's almost been a month, its time to get over it. You guys broke up. It happens. It's time to let it go. There's no point in mopping about it now."

"How the hell do you let go of Kurt _freaking _Hummel?" Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, throwing his arms over his face. "Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe long-distance relationships _do_ work"

"Blaine. You know it'd be nearly impossible to keep up a long distance relationship. Both me _and _David are living proof of it. But I got over Tasha, and David got over Maggie. You were lucky! You're gay, at an _all boys _school. It's hard to keep up a relationship with people who aren't at school with you, let alone a different city, hundred of miles away!"

"I guess you're right…but—he's Kurt! _My _Kurt. I don't know if I can just…_get over it_."

"C'mon buddy," Wes said sympathetically, "I'll help you pack."

* * *

><p>Kurt Hummel was tired of relationships, tired of being rejected or heartbroken all his life. Rejected by crushes, broken by loves, and hurt by the ones he cared about the most. Growing up in Lima, Ohio was not exactly the greatest place for an out, homosexual teenager anyways. Especially if you were one of the very few who were actually <em>out<em>.

New York, however, was different. He was surrounded by different people, a different environment, a different world. It was a totally new experience. The people here understood fashion. They understood theatre. They just, they understood Kurt, and he loved every single moment of it.

Kurt found himself smiling a lot more. He found himself singing a lot more. He got lost in the beauty, the fashion, the music. And most of all, he found himself feeling happier. His life in Ohio became a fuzzy memory in the back of his mind, and soon, even his constant thoughts of Blaine began to fade away.

New York was a new chapter in his life. And Kurt was going to soak up every ounce of it.

* * *

><p><em>Seven years later…<em>

It seemed cliché, something straight out of a crappy romantic comedy. It didn't seem surreal, but it happened. And it hit Blaine like a ton of cinder-blocks.

It would be hard to _not_ notice him, always dressed in some flashy, fashionable outfit. It was particularly hard to not notice him as he tried to hail down a taxi. The way he had a hand propped on his hip, and the other waving up in the air—it was much, much different than the regular grey-suited businessmen Blaine usually saw in the streets of New York. No, that wasn't a typical New Yorker. That was Kurt _freaking_ Hummel.

However the moment ended as quickly as it begun. Kurt grabbed the attention of the next coming driver, climbed into the bright yellow car, and in an instant he was gone, disappearing into the hustle and bustle of the city.

Blaine didn't know what was going through his mind at that moment, but next thing he knew he was running out into the street flagging down the next taxi that came in his direction—barely even waiting for it to slow down, before clasping his hand over the door handle and climbing in.

"Follow that taxi! Please!" Blaine ordered breathlessly to the shocked driver behind the wheel. "Hurry!"

* * *

><p>Blaine watched as the taxi drove deeper and deeper into the heart of New York City, until finally stopping in front of a large building. Kurt got out of his cab, and swiftly walked into it, cell phone in hand, talking casually with someone of the other end.<p>

Blaine took a breath as he stepped out of his own cab, and stood face to face with the huge skyscraper before him. What was he thinking? He hasn't seen Kurt in years, and they didn't exactly leave off on friendly terms. Sure Blaine sent Kurt a few emails, and left a couple dozen voice messages on his phone, but Kurt hadn't responded to any of them. It was obvious Kurt didn't want to see him then, how is now any different?

Blaine shook the doubts out of his head. He was already here. There was no turning back now. He thought about what he would say. _How've you been? It's been a while...I've missed you?_

Blaine nudged his way through the busy lobby of the building, trying his best to avoid the many people on their phones, or business men and their bulky briefcases. He scanned the lobby, until he spotted Kurt—still on his phone, waiting for an elevator.

Blaine walked toward him hesitantly, eyes locked on the familiar figure in the light purple dress shirt.

* * *

><p>Kurt tapped his foot impatiently. If the elevators got any slower, he might have to consider taking the stairs from now on.<p>

"Look, I don't care what he says, I'm publishing that article! It's not my fault his spring line sucked. My retired mechanic of a father could design a better line than that crap in animal print…"Kurt said with annoyance into his phone. "No, Mark, I don't care. Tell them to sue me then, I'm not taking it out! People wait all winter for this! I'm not changing it because it freaking hurt his 'feelings' or whatever."

Kurt rolled his eyes in annoyance as the other end of the line continued to argue with him. He turned on his heel to look out into the lobby, his eyes wandering about as he waited for the ridiculously long time it took for the elevator to arrive.

"No—no, Mark, listen to me I've about had it with his people, just tell them if they have a problem they can just come down to New York and tell me to my—holy shit. Is that—oh my god."

A confused muffling came out from the other end, but Kurt didn't care. Instead, he stared in utter shock at the familiar hazel eyes looking back at him from across the lobby.

"You know what, I'm going to have to call you back." Kurt said abruptly, ignoring the muffled protests, and snapping his phone shut.

"Blaine?" Kurt whispered under his breath, eyeing the fast approaching brunette.

Blaine was here? Why was he here in New York? How did he even find him? The last time Kurt had even _seen _Blaine was what, nearly 7 years ago? And even then, things didn't exactly end well. What business did he have here? Did he work in this building? Of course he didn't, Kurt would have known by now.

* * *

><p>"Kurt!" Blaine said breathlessly, as he pushed past the crowd surrounding the elevator.<p>

Kurt's eyes went wide, and he opened his mouth to say something.

"Oh, wow. I can't believe it's actually you." Blaine exclaimed, grinning wildly.

Kurt swallowed, still refusing to believe his high school sweetheart—ex high school sweetheart, was _actually _standing right in front of him.

"What are you—why are you…?" Kurt began, furrowing his eyebrows. Kurt's heart thudded. Everything came back to him in a flash. His first kiss, his first date, the coffee shop conversations, and even the late night phone calls, everything flooded back into Kurt's mind in an instant, and he shuddered.

And suddenly the elevator doors opened, and people started filing in, pushing past Blaine and Kurt, who seemed to just stand frozen, just staring at each other, neither knowing what exactly to say.

Blaine scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "I um, I saw you earlier and—and I kind of just followed you. It's stupid, I know, but I just—couldn't believe it was you!"

Kurt shook his head, releasing his from his state of shock. "Elevator."

Blaine raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Eleva—"

Kurt sighed and grabbed his arm, pulling him into the now extremely packed elevator. "Get on the elevator, or it'll be another 20 minutes before the next one gets here."

Blaine nodded, and squeezed himself in between a rather large woman, and a frumpy looking man in a grey suit.

"Someone be a doll and push the 10th floor button please." Kurt said, glaring at the woman behind him whose oversized purse was ramming into his side.

* * *

><p>The tenth floor opened into a large office space. The title <em>Vain Magazine <em>waswritten in large black letters on the back wall of the front room. The walls were made entirely of glass, looking out onto the busy streets of New York City. People sat casually behind their desks on the side of the room, chatting on the phone, some editing photos, while others were rifling through fashion catalogs. There was a long curved desk in the center of the room with a cute blonde behind it, reviewing some papers, and talking quickly into her headset.

Blaine may not have been into fashion—at all, but he was familiar with the trendy "Vain" fashion magazine. Though the closest he's ever been to reading one was at the checkout aisle of the supermarket, he knew it was well known for both its critiques and reviews of current fashion, and depictions of what was currently in style. Was—was it Kurt's?

Kurt waved to the blonde haired girl, who nodded and smiled, before leading Blaine into a separate corridor, leading to another wing of the floor.

Blaine followed Kurt to his secluded office in the back, starting to feel his own nerves starting to catch up with him.

* * *

><p>"Kurt?" Blaine asked hesitantly, once Kurt had shut his office door and walked over to lean against his desk.<p>

Blaine watched the door as it clicked shut. It was just him and Kurt now. And goddamned it, Kurt looked absolutely stunning, even if he was staring at Blaine impatiently, his eyes narrowed at him.

"Why are you here?" Kurt asked, his voice soft, but threatening.

"Um, I saw you in the city earlier. I didn't know you were here, in New York I mean. I—I almost couldn't believe it. It was…It was you." Blaine stuttered nervously.

Kurt raised his eyebrows, and put his hands on his hips. "And…"

"Kurt, come on. Don't act like you don't remember. It hasn't been that long since...It hasn't been that long since—"

"Since you broke up with me back in high school? No Blaine, I remember that crystal clear, which makes me confused on why you're here." Kurt interjected.

"Kurt…You—you just disappeared. What the hell did you expect me to do?" Blaine was surprised by the underlying anger beneath his words.

Kurt could feel the heat rising to his chest, hardly believing what he was being accused of.

"My fault? Blaine you have _got_ to be kidding me. Do you have any idea how broken I was? A person can only take so much pain, and the way you just—just ended it, when I was there thinking that we could actually _be_ something, not just some stupid fling that ends after high school." Kurt closed his eyes for a moment. "You know what, never mind. I can't believe I'm doing this right now. I think you should just leave."

Blaine didn't budge. "We weren't a fling Kurt—it was _love._"

"That's bullshit. If you really loved me why did you end it?" Kurt replied, his face flushed with growing anger, before dropping down into his hands. "No, this is ridiculous, Blaine, please—"

"Kurt, you didn't give me a chance to explain _why. _You left without a trace. Your parents, your friends, your _brother_, not one of them told me where the hell you went! You wouldn't respond to my calls, or my e-mails. Nothing. What did you except me to do? I can't chase you if you don't _let_ me."

Now Kurt just couldn't let that one go. "Chase me? Blaine, _you _broke up with _me!_"

"And that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life." Blaine said, striding up to Kurt.

"Seven years, Blaine. It's been seven years. Please don't tell me you're still—"

"I am. Always have been."

"What?" Kurt couldn't even understand what was going on right now. All this confusion, mixed with his now rapidly growing irritation wasn't helping.

"And…besides…I'm here now." Blaine's eyes were blazing, his face inches away from Kurt's.

Kurt was trembling from the mix of emotions currently flooding his body. "Here now?" He repeated, "WHY THE FUCK _ARE_ YOU EVEN—" Kurt all but screamed.

Before he could even finish, Blaine lurched forward and without warning, cupped Kurt's face in his hands, and kissed him full on the lips—and for a moment nothing else mattered.

Blaine pushed Kurt forward, moving Kurt against his desk, pressing their bodies closer and closer together. Kurt was frozen for a moment, completely in shock by Blaine's sudden, bold move, clawing at his chest in an attempt to break free, before his own lips were moving against Blaine's, hands reaching out and tangling themselves in his curly locks. The kiss was hot, desperate and hungry, with teeth against teeth, their lips battling for dominance.

"What—what are you doing?" Kurt whispered, shivering as he felt Blaine's thumb stroke across his cheek.

"Tell me to stop. Tell me you don't want to." Blaine replied hoarsely as he sucked on the small patch of skin beneath Kurt's ear.

Kurt couldn't think, his brain was practically melting out of his ear at this point. "I don't—I can't—"

Blaine's hands began to wander lower, running against Kurt's smooth midriff, fumbling with the buttons of Kurt's shirt.

Blaine let out a low growl, sending shivers down Kurt's spine.

"No. We have to—to stop," Kurt stammered, as Blaine moved to his jaw, sucking little bruises onto Kurt's pale skin.

It took all the self-control Kurt had to place his hands on Blaine's chest, and push him away. They were both breathing heavily. Blaine's lips were red and swollen from kissing, and his eyes were dark, staring up at Kurt.

"I—I can't do this" Kurt whispered, sliding down against his desk, refusing to look Blaine in the eyes.

Blaine sunk to the floor, leaning against the desk next to Kurt, still panting.

Kurt looked down at the floor, trying to steady his breathing. "I'm engaged." He held up his left hand, flashing a gold band around his ring finger.

Blaine let out a heavy sigh, and reached for a chain around his neck, exposing his own band hanging at the end of it. "Funny. Me too."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: wooooh! So if you made it here, that means you enjoyed chapter one, and are continuing on to chapter number 2! Yay! I'm a bit nervous about my writing, and I'd like all the advice I can get! So if you have any suggestions, comments or whatever, please feel free to leave a review! THANKS!**

**Oh, does it seem too fast paced? I kind of think so, but I dunno…hmm… I always felt that Kurt and Blaine never really **_**got over **_**each other, and when they meet up sparks would just be flying everywhere like boooom! But, hmm…I'm not sure…**

**This is a quick chapter (: chp 3 is when the real stuff goes down ^.^**

**Reviews = LOVE **

*****disclaimer: I do not, 100% own glee (:**

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><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were<strong>

**Chapter 2**

"I guess I _was_ too late." Blaine muttered.

"How long?" Kurt asked, staring at Blaine's necklace.

"2 months. You?"

"A year."

"_Fuck_."

"I know."

After Kurt had fixed himself up, combing his hair back, trying his best to smooth out his now wrinkled shirt, he joined Blaine on the couch in Kurt's office.

"Wow." Blaine said, raising his eyebrows, and running his hands over the stubble on his chin.

"Yeah." Kurt replied awkwardly.

"Sorry—I didn't know what came over me." Blaine replied, but he and Kurt both knew what had sparked the moment of passion.

"Oh, um, no, no it—it was…" Kurt began.

There was an awkward silence—and then Blaine just burst out laughing.

It was an uncontrollable laughter. A laughter that was all encompassing, and so overwhelming that it almost caused Blaine to fall off the couch.

Kurt watched in amused interest, until the contagiousness of Blaine's laughter spread to him, and before he knew it, he too was also trembling with laughter.

They laughed until their stomachs hurt; their sides ached, and were completely out of breath.

Their eyes met for a moment, both grinning like fools.

"I think I peed myself." Blaine said jokingly, causing another short burst of uncontrollable laughter.

"Do you want to go grab a coffee or something?" Kurt asked, still trying to suppress his laughter. "I know a nice place down the block."

"I'd like that," came back Blaine's cheerful reply.

* * *

><p>They walked back to the main room of Kurt's office, trying to figure out why they were laughing in the first place.<p>

"You're so weird, who just belts out laughing like that?" Kurt was saying, as Blaine walked behind him.

"I don't know, it was just so awkward, and I just—I don't know!" came Blaine's response.

Kurt waved to his secretary Lucy, mouthing "be back in an hour or two."

She nodded, but raised a suspicious eyebrow at him as he walked out with the dark-haired stranger.

"Just remember you have a meeting at 5"

"Yeah, I'll be back by then, just hold my phone calls."

"Josh called."

Kurt stopped, adjusting his bag over his shoulders. "Oh. What did—what did he want?"

"Dinner reservations with his parents? Please don't tell me you forgot already." Lucy took her glasses off and eyed Kurt sternly.

"Oh, right. Of course! It just slipped my mind. I'll be there." Kurt said quickly, avoided Lucy's glare. "What time was it again?"

Lucy sighed and went back to adjusting her files, "9:00 sharp, don't be late. I _do not_ want to make up ridiculous excuses for you anymore."

Kurt caught Blaine gazing at him curiously. "Yeah, don't worry. I won't forget."

As Kurt and Blaine exited the building, Kurt could still feel Blaine's eyes on him, processing that entire conversation. The mood has shifted dramatically, and Kurt refused to be the first to break the long, awkward silence. So they just walked together in silence, both their minds wandering back to the office, the hot kisses pressed against bare skin, fumbling hands, intertwining fingers—

"So…his name is Josh?" Blaine asked, scratching the back of his head.

Kurt cleared his throat, obviously caught off guard with Blaine's sudden statement.

"Yeah. Josh Peterson."

"Ah. I see." Blaine replied, shifting his gaze to stare at his feet as they walked.

"And your…?" Kurt asked trailing the end of the question uncomfortably, his voice shaking as the words came out.

"Oh, Danny. Danny Miller." Blaine replied.

They regressed back to silence.

Kurt stole a few side glances at Blaine, noticing how much Blaine had changed since high school. His usual slicked-back hair was left untamed, allowing his lose curls to break free and his once clean-shaven face had a thin layer of stubble forming on it. But his eyes, Kurt observed, were the same. The beautiful hazel eyes, looking out past long dark eyelashes, were _exactly_ the same. Kurt could remember all those months he spent losing himself in those eyes, wanting to spend forever in those eyes.

"The café is right up here." Kurt said, pointing at a petite little coffee shop around the corner. "My little slice of heaven right here," he added, smiling to himself.

Blaine grinned as he opened the door and let Kurt go in before him. "Brings you back huh? All those wasted days we spent at uh—what was it called? The Lima Bean was it?"

Kurt chuckled, "Wasted days? Please dear, those were the highlights of my high school career."

Blaine wrinkled his brow, "Really?"

Kurt blushing a bit, walked ahead, and got in line, staring up at the menu, even though he'd been here enough times and could pretty much recite the whole thing if asked.

"Uh, well…yeah." Kurt replied, still staring up at the coffee selection.

Blaine let another smile creep onto his face as he joined Kurt in line. "Mine too."

* * *

><p>Kurt watched as Blaine dipped his biscotti into his coffee before putting it into his mouth. Just like old times. "You haven't changed much have you? I mean except the hair. Wow to the hair, by the way." Kurt said with a laugh<p>

"I can say the same to you. And I'm hoping that was a good 'wow'" Blaine replied with a laugh, putting the cap back on his coffee, and raising it to his lips.

"Definitely a good 'wow'. I used to always tell you, you used _way_ too much hair product. I like it like this."

"Thanks. I still can't believe it's been seven years since—" Blaine began, before realizing what he was saying.

Kurt's breath hitched a little. "Since…" Kurt repeated, feeling the mood turn dramatically, like it did in the office.

Blaine raked his fingers through his curls, staring down at the table, feeling Kurt's icy glare. "Since…you left."

Kurt's eyes went wide. "Did you expect me to stay?"

"Kurt, c'mon. It was 7 years ago, let's just let it go." Blaine said, desperate to get off the topic.

"No, I won't just let it go! You think I would have stayed after that? You broke my heart!" Kurt said darkly, glowering at Blaine.

"You left without warning! I had no way to contact you, no way to tell you that—"

"That what? You were _sorry _or some gentlemen-like bullshit like that?" Kurt replied back fiercely.

"That I fucking _loved _you!" Blaine nearly screamed, feeling several heads in the shop turn to the pair.

"What? You _broke up _with me" Kurt said quietly, trembling.

Blaine closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. "I _still _loved you Kurt. I just…I was scared—I didn't know how things would go after high school—"

"How the hell could you say that? We could have made it. Together_._" Kurt was shaking as the rush of mixed emotions coursing through him. "All that time we spent together, Friday night movie days, picnics at the park…all that money we wasted on coffee every freaking week" Kurt took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down. "Was that all nothing to you?"

"I—I…" Blaine didn't know what to say.

Kurt turned, and focused past Blaine, staring out into the street through the coffee shop window. "You really haven't changed at all Blaine. What do you want? Coming here, and telling me all this. It was hard to get over you Blaine. You have no idea. Why do you think I ran away? Just the mere _thought_ of you hurt!"

"How do you think I felt? I couldn't even _find_ you! Your friends, your family, no one told me where you were! You could've dropped off the face of the earth for all I knew! You didn't leave a phone number, never responded to my e-mails—"

"I can't believe you think that was _my _fault!" Kurt cut in angrily.

Blaine clenched his fists under the table. "Kurt. You don't understand—"

"Understand what? I wasn't afraid Blaine. I believed in us. I had the courage to stick it in till the end." Kurt muttered.

Blaine let out a sigh, letting his forehead drop into his hands. "You don't think I ever wondered what would have happened if we stayed together? What might or might now have happened? I thought about it _all _the time! But unlike you, I never really "got over" all of this." Blaine's breath hitched a little before continuing, "I _still _love you. I never _stopped_ loving you!"

Blaine caught Kurt's blue eyes slowly filling with tears, as he said those words.

Kurt had a million different thoughts swirling around in his mind. Blaine was in New York. Blaine had found him in New York. Blaine was here, in front of him. Blaine still loved him—has _always _loved him. Wait, no. Blaine has a fiancé. _He_ has a fiancé!

Kurt shook his head. "You can't just say things like that! You can't just prance back into my life and expect me to drop everything for you! I can't do that. High school was high school. We're not at Dalton anymore, things have changed. I'm—I'm sorry. Today at the office, it was—I don't even know. This was a mistake. I don't even know what I'm doing right now. You shouldn't have followed me."

"Kurt I never…," Blaine tried to say.

"Don't," came Kurt's quick reply, as he stood up, "I can't do this. _You_ can't do this. Who are we kidding?"

"And what about what happened in the office." Blaine interjected. "You and I both felt that—"

"No." Kurt said, brushing away a few stray tears from his cheeks. "We can't do this. You're engaged Blaine. I'm engaged. It's too late. This isn't some fairytale where we can just run off together or whatever. We just—we can't."

Blaine just sat there, _does this mean you want to? _He quickly shook the thought out of his head. It was all so much to take in. What was the right thing to say? _No, Please Stay? Don't go, we can do something, anything. Kurt…I love you. _

Kurt reached out across the table and gently took Blaine's hand in his. "What do you want Blaine? Because I honestly don't know."

"I—I don't know either…" Blaine sighed, giving Kurt's hand a soft squeeze.

"I'm sorry Blaine." Kurt said as he stood up.

"Kurt, wait."

"Friends Blaine, that's all this can be. You'll be…my day late friend." Kurt said with a gentle smile. "I'll see you around."

Blaine felt Kurt's hand brush against his shoulder as he walked out the door. Blaine wanted to chase after him, but—what would he say?


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry if everything seems super fast paced, and stuff, I just felt that Kurt and Blaine always had this…love within them that never really faded away. And even when they first run into each other again, the sparks were kinda just blasting about and all that awesome stuff. I'm not sure if I captured that right…X_x **

**Oh and some of the city references and whatever probably don't make sense. Streets, and all that…yeah…I live in California. The closest I get to understanding New York is probably from gossip girl and Google Maps. Sorry New Yorkians! Correct me if I'm terribly, terribly mistaken. .**

**Anyways! Hope you enjoy this chapter! **

**Oh and it kinda gets a bit smutty from here on out, but it's usually the "fade to black" kind. Nothing too racy (: **

**Reviews = LOVE (:**

*****disclaimer: I do not own glee, or any of its beautiful characters D:**

* * *

><p><strong>We Aren't What We Were<strong>

**Chapter 3**

It was almost 4 weeks until Blaine saw Kurt again.

Blaine would be lying if he said the meeting was completely accidental. Quite frankly, Blaine found himself making excuses to visit that coffee shop, every chance he got. Blaine had always been a coffee person, but the amount of caffeine he'd been consuming was borderline ridiculous. He went there for his morning coffee, midday mocha drip, his late afternoon latte, and on some nights, he simply just lounged around the quaint cafe, catching up on some work, usually with a fresh pastry in his hand.

It was Kurt who spotted him first. It was raining like mad outside, and Kurt had bolted into the warm shop, muttering about ruining his vintage McQueen coat.

"Blaine?" Kurt called out in surprise, spotting the familiar head of hair, typing meticulously into his laptop.

* * *

><p>Blaine had been working on his portfolio for a while now. As he scanned through his art pieces, he wrote little side comments beside each one, describing them a little bit. He'd promised Cynthia he'd have a collection for the gallery opening picked out by Monday. Monday…a week ago.<p>

It wasn't that Blaine didn't have any paintings to exhibit, he had plenty! But lately, there just didn't seem to be any inspiration, anything special. Blaine clicked through the many photos of his paintings, letting out a gentle sigh as he surfed through the generic slabs of paint on canvas. Nothing amazing, a landscape here, a view of the city there, and a couple portraits of the models he'd hired. It was all so damn _cliché, _Blaine thought to himself, furrowing his eyebrows as he scanned through the list again. He only needed about 7! Maybe he should just close his eyes and wherever the mouse lands—

"Blaine?" Kurt repeated for the third or fourth time, waving his hand in front of Blaine.

Blaine looked up, and was startled to see a very, _very _wet Kurt, dripping in water standing before him.

"Kurt? Oh gosh it must have been pouring—" Blaine started

"Oh tell me about it." Kurt replied in a huff, eyeing the empty seat beside Blaine, before sighing and taking a seat next to Blaine on the soft café sofa.

"There was a huge accident a couple streets over, and they shut down all the streets into Manhattan. Can you believe that? There are taxies lined up for miles. This is just ridiculous. Who knows _how long_ I'll have to wait this out."

Blaine blinked at the casualness of Kurt's behavior, not knowing how to respond. "I, um, I…You live in Manhattan?"

Kurt sighed and nodded, glaring out the window at the rain, still falling unmercifully hard.

Blaine smiled, standing up. "Want something to warm you up?"

Kurt nodded and smiled weakly, wringing out the bottom of his coat.

* * *

><p>Once Kurt had peeled off his soaked coat, and warmed up a bit from his coffee, he peered over to look at what Blaine was doing on his computer.<p>

"Did you—did you paint those?" Kurt asked curiously, gripping the warm drink between his fingers.

"Oh yeah. They're not that good, but I have to pick a couple for a gallery thing at the end of the month so..."

"Wow. I always thought you were going into law…or maybe music—something like that…but art?"

Blaine smiled, "Technically I _did _do the law thing, for my parents mostly. I got my degree, framed it, and mailed it to them. They wanted me to get it, and I got it. I wasted enough of my years doing boring old crap, and I felt it was time for _me _to enjoy my life. So I just…painted. I don't know, just kind of happened I guess."

"Hm. I never would've known." Kurt replied, returning Blaine's smile.

"Well, I never knew you would end up owning a giant fashion magazine." Blaine said, gently nudging Kurt on the shoulder, raising his eyebrows a couple times.

Kurt smirked. "Oh please, I was _destined_ for great things. Besides, me and fashion, it's always been kind of obvious hasn't it?"

"I don't know, I always imagined Broadway to be your destined 'thing' you know?"

Kurt chuckled. "Oh, singing loudly into my shower head is enough for me now-a-days. I'm not Rachel Berry. I don't need applause to live, I need beautiful clothes. But the cheering from the lady two floors down every once in a while doesn't hurt.

Blaine chuckled and opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by a sudden ringing.

"Opps, hold that thought, I think that's my phone." Kurt said, fumbling around his bag for his cell phone.

"Hello?" Kurt said, as he answered his phone.

Blaine watched as Kurt's expression went from angry, to frustrated, to absolutely miserable.

"Yeah, yeah, I didn't think it was _that _bad…mmhmm, I got it…No, I can probably just find a hotel or whatever. Yeah, okay thanks Lucy. Bye." Kurt snapped his phone shut, and let out a sigh.

"What I wouldn't give to live in Brooklyn right now. It seems like that damn accident, and all the freaking rain caused _extreme_ flooding, and now _every _road into Manhattan is blocked off. The only thing that _isn't _blocked off right now is the Brooklyn bride. So much for 'waiting it out.'" Kurt said, narrowing his eyes at the rain, still pounding a hard against the café window.

"Lucky me then, huh?" Blaine joked.

"Wait, you live in Brooklyn? And you come into the city just to drink coffee?" Kurt asked, raising a questionable eyebrow.

"It's sort of become a habit."

"A habit?"

"I don't know, I kind of just liked the idea that you come here a lot I guess, and I actually really liked the place, so I just kept coming back."

"You—you keep coming back here…for me?" Kurt stared at Blaine with wide eyes. "Blaine I thought I made myself clear…I—I just want to be—"

"Friends. Yeah, I remember. Don't worry." Blaine finished, his eyes falling a bit. "I got it."

Kurt nodded, avoiding Blaine's eyes. 'Well, I better get going, I need to go find a place for the night, before I catch pneumonia or something…thanks for the coffee, it was nice catching up. We should erm…do it more often."

Blaine cleared his throat. "Um, I don't know if this is…out of 'just friend' boundaries or anything, but you _could_ just crash at my place tonight. I totally understand if it's uncomfortable or anything, but…friends do that kind of thing right?"

Kurt just stared at Blaine. Did he—did he really just offer to…

"Crap, okay, weird. Never mind. I just thought that since I lived pretty close to Manhattan, you could just stay and dry off and when the roads open tomorrow you could easily just—just never mind." Blaine could feel his cheeks turning red.

"I, umm." Kurt started. "We just…met again…like a month ago Blaine—I don't think—"

Blaine wished the floor could just swallow him up right there. Why the _hell _did he just suggest that? Kurt must think he's a creep. He definitely thinks he's a creepy stalker person who—

"Sure."

"Wait what? Really?"

"Well, I'm freezing my ass off, and I really don't have anywhere else to go now, do I? Besides…we're _friends. _Friends do this…" Kurt took a breath. Yes, friends _definitely _did this. Right?

"Right." Blaine said, trying to hide his smile.

* * *

><p>The sound of raindrops slamming hard against the glass windows echoed throughout Blaine's small apartment. The sudden bolts of lightening sending bursts of light flashing into the room, illuminating the many paintings strewn about the place.<p>

Kurt peered around, taking in his surroundings.

"So…this is your place huh?" Kurt asked, slowly sipping at the warm mug of tea in his hands, hugging the towel draped over his back tighter, finally feeling himself warming up.

"Yeah, I know it's kind of small, but it's cozy, besides, it's just me living here. I honestly just need a place that'll fit all my paintings and stuff. I feel this entire kitchen is pretty much a wasted space for me." Blaine replied, fondly looking around the place.

"No, I like it, it's got a very good—" Kurt paused to look around one more time, "a good vibe to it."

Blaine smiled, and took a seat next to Kurt at the kitchen counter.

Kurt smiled back, feeling the uneasiness between them both.

"Uh, thanks for letting me um, stay here for the time being. It's really pouring out there."

Blaine nodded, his smile slowly disappearing.

"Are you alright?" Kurt asked, noticing Blaine's change of state.

"Oh, I don't know—I'm just thinking…about—never mind." Blaine coughed, and rose from his seat. "Do you uh, want to see some of my paintings?"

Kurt raised his eyebrows in amusement. "I've seen quite a few of them all over the apartment!" Kurt jabbed his thumb at the painting leaning against the walls, and the many sketches littering the living room table.

Blaine grinned, "Naw, those are just scribbles or whatever. The ones I hang up in the studio are the ones I'm _actually _proud of."

* * *

><p>Blaine led Kurt down a narrow hallway leading to a small room, now used as his art studio. The sound of rain thundered loudly outside, the pitter-patter of the raindrops echoing against the walls.<p>

"This is it!" Blaine grinned proudly as he opened the door and ushering Kurt in.

Kurt's eyes widened as he stepped into the small room, his eyes scanning each individual painting hung up on walls, laid against walls, perched on stands. "Blaine—this is…wow. You painted all this?"

Kurt carefully walked around the small studio, studying each piece with pristine interest.

Blaine smiled as Kurt stopped in front of a painting of several figures, each painted in various colors, posing in different positions, "This one was actually one of my favorites to paint, its—"

Just then, the lights flickered, before eventually dying out, leaving the duo in a darkness, the only light coming from the flashes of lighting bursting in through the wide windows. Blaine felt a hand shoot out to clutch his arm.

Blaine also started by the sudden power outage, instinctually pulled Kurt close, hearing Kurt's breath hitch as he did so.

Blaine was only a few inches away from Kurt's face, his bright eyes still glowing despite the darkness surrounding them. "I'm…I'm sure the power will come back in a sec. It—uh—it must be the rain."

Kurt was practically whispering as his face leaned in closer to Blaine's, "Right—the rain." He was starting to breathe hard, and he could see Blaine's chest rising up and down rapidly as well.

"I—um…" Blaine stammered, unable to turn his gaze away. Blaine didn't know what he was even _saying _at this point, but neither Kurt nor Blaine seemed to notice.

Another burst of lighting, and boom of thunder shook through the apartment. The two figures still stood face to face. Neither moved forward, yet both refused to move back.

Kurt stared straight into Blaine's hazel eyes, unaware that his hand was still clutching Blaine's arm tightly. When Blaine started to move closer, Kurt felt frozen. He couldn't move. Blaine stopped, his eyes searching Kurt's, as if asking if too far was _too far, _and if he should stop.

Kurt didn't know what came over him, but the next thing he knew his arms were wrapped around Blaine's waist, and his lips were crashing against Blaine's who suddenly groaned out in surprise. It wasn't a gentle kiss. Lips found lips, and battled each other for dominance.

"Wait." Kurt said breathlessly when the two came up for air.

"What?" Blaine asked his eyes searching to meet Kurt's.

"This. We're—we're doing it again. It was supposed to be just a one time thing. I don't... we shouldn't be doing this…" Kurt said quietly, trying hard to avoid Blaine's eyes—and his lips.

Blaine's voice was low, almost at a growl. "You know Kurt. Don't you _dare_ try to deny your feelings. I knew I wasn't the only one who felt them at the office, and I'm certainly not the only one feeling them now."

"Blaine, you don't understand—" Kurt began, gently shaking his head, his hands trembling.

"I understand plenty." Blaine cut in, his eyes growing dark at he looked at Kurt, "You think I don't know how messed up this is? I know. But I don't care. All I know is that you're here, and I'm here. And right now, that's all that matters."

Kurt lifted his head slightly, hesitantly looking into Blaine's hazel eyes. "I'm scared."

"Me too."

"I care about him a lot, you know." Kurt practically whispered, as if he were trying to convince himself of it as well, feeling Blaine move closer, his hands resting on Kurt's hips.

"I do." Blaine replied, completely unaffected by the words, "But I also know how you feel about me."

"And what is that Blaine?" Kurt asked shakily.

Blaine strode forward, moving them back and pressing Kurt up against the wall, moving a palm up against the wall. Kurt's face was leaning in so close that Blaine could feel Kurt's soft breath against his cheek. "You _love_ me Kurt."

Kurt stared at Blaine, his eyes wandering. His eyes were desperately scanning his face, glazing past everything from his curly locks to his triangular eyebrows, almost drowning in his beautiful hazel eyes, and moving down to the short stubble forming on his face.

"And I love you too." Blaine said in a low voice into Kurt's ear, as he inched even closer, causing Kurt to shiver slightly.

Kurt looked into Blaine's deep hazel eyes. Before he knew it, Kurt was leaning down into Blaine again, gently pressing his lips against Blaine's. He could feel Blaine's long eyelashes brush against his cheek as their lips moved together. Kurt felt Blaine's fingers trailing down his cheek, and his other hand wrap tightly around his waist, pulling him in closer. When they pulled apart, Kurt's eyes were filling with tears.

"What is this Blaine? What are we _doing_?"

Blaine gently cupped Kurt's face in his hands again, looking straight into his bright blue eyes, glazed with tears.

"I don't know what this is. All I know is that I want it…I want it, no matter the consequence." Blaine's eyes were dark, his voice raspy. "And I know you can't tell me you don't want this as much as I do…" Blaine pulled Kurt down into another kiss, this time with more force, and more passion.

And with that, two became one, both of them caving into the blazing touch of bare skin against skin, their hands exploring, fingers trailing across smooth stomachs. Blaine felt a shiver as Kurt started to plant little kisses down his shoulder, his hands dropping to pull the tee-shirt over his head, tossing it carelessly to the side. Kurt could feel Blaine's hot breath against his skin as he closed the gap between them, backing them up out of the small studio, the two stumbling around the small apartment until reaching the bedroom. Kurt staggered into the dark room, until he felt the back of his legs hit the foot of the bed, causing him to fall backwards, taking Blaine down with him.

"Tomorrow…this never happened." Kurt said with a shaky voice, which enveloped into a moan as he felt Blaine's mouth trailing above his waist line, his fingers slipped into the loops of his jeans, slowly dragging them down.

"I love you Kurt…"


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Hey Guys! Hope you're enjoying the fic so far! I'm so happy for all the positive reviews and such, you guys are SO awesome ^.^ Just so ya'll know, this fic is rated M for a reason. It gets kinda smutty, but I promise, nothing to explicit or anything. It won't get much worse than the ending of the last chapter (: but that will probably come up a lot…they **_**do **_**have an **_**affair **_**after all! Haha! Next chp will be up in a couple days, I promise ^.^ **

**Things will probably get rather fluffy for a while after this chapter (this chapter is pretty much all angst .) wooooh! Everyone likes fluff right? **

**Just an FYI…I am not a great smut writer. Never have, never been, never will be. I try, but yeah…*cough* sorry. **

**This chp is mainly dialogue with Kurt and Blaine figuring out what's going down and all that jazz (:**

**Reviews = LOVE 3 (any type of advice, comment, or whatever is greatly appreciated!) **

*****I do not, 100% own glee…at all, none of it…D:**

**We Aren't Who We Were**

**Chapter 4**

Kurt blinked open his eyes, wondering why the _hell_ it was so damn bright. He never, ever opened his windows in the morning.

As he tried to shuffle his way out of bed but he felt a constricting arm wrapped around his waist. Wait. Kurt peered around the room, his eyes still a bit fuzzy. Beige. His walls weren't beige, they were burgundy. And—and he didn't remember ever hanging up that painting, and those curtains—never in a million years would he _ever _pick out such mismatched curtains. Where _was _he?

Kurt bolted up right, Blaine's arm slipping from its place, and flopping back on the bed. _Oh shit. _

Kurt looked frantically around the room, slightly panicked. _What the hell did you do last night Kurt Hummel? _

Kurt took a deep breath as he slowly turned his head to the warm body beside him. _That wasn't a dream? _Kurt hissed.

Blaine groaned and turned over, nuzzling his head into the pillow and mumbling something in his sleep.

Kurt sighed. So that _did _happen.

Kurt could remember the details of last night perfectly, the memory still rather vivid in his mind. Kurt could remember the trailing kisses, the fumbling belt buckles, the—oh god. He scanned the floor and spotted his shirt and briefs flung across the room, Blaine's boxer shorts tossed casually over a lamp.

It was a one time—okay, two time thing. Last night was the last time. He was engaged. To um—to…to Josh! Yes. He was engaged to Josh. Shit—did he seriously just momentarily forget his fiancé's name? He didn't right? It's early…that's all.

Kurt slowly crept out of the bed, scouring around for the remainder of his clothing. His clothes were ruined beyond repair, damaged from the rain, and then hastily tossed aside. _Now what?_ Kurt thought to himself. He turned to look at Blaine, still sleeping soundly on the bed.

Kurt sighed and rummaged around, finding a clean button up dress shirt draped over a chair, deciding it was suitable enough to borrow for the time being. He'll have it dry cleaned and sent back later. _How cliché_, Kurt thought through clenched teeth, _I'm wearing his shirt after we slept together…perfect…_

Kurt glanced over to the other side of the room, unable to pull his eyes away from the handsome man still sleeping soundly in the bed. He sighed, and headed toward the bedroom door.

Kurt paced back and forth a couple times, wondering trying to figure out if he should wait till Blaine woke up before leaving, or avoid the whole 'morning after' awkwardness and just leave now.

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows. Everything felt so wrong, and yet…so _not _wrong. Why was he feeling like this? He shouldn't…right?

_I can't—I just can't… _Kurt shook his head, finally making his decision. He took one last glance around Blaine's apartment before tiptoeing to the front door. After a deep breath, he gently unlocked the door, and slipped out silently, cursing himself for ever coming here in the first place.

* * *

><p>Blaine woke up with a sleepy yawn, and a smile on his face. The sun was shining in, and he could hear the gentle chirping of birds outside his window.<p>

Wow, what a night.

Blaine stretched, chuckling a bit to himself, glancing around his room. Wait—

"Kurt?" Blaine called out, furrowing his eyebrows.

_It happened_, Blaine thought to himself. Throwing back his blanket, and pulling on some pants.

Blaine looked around, seeing Kurt's clothes still strewn across the floor. _Yes, that definitely happened._

"Kurt?" Blaine called out again, walking out into the living room. Kurt wasn't in the living room, or the kitchen—not even in the studio. Blaine walked back into his bedroom, and picked up Kurt's wrinkled shirt from off the floor. Kurt left without his clothes? Did he escape out at sun rise and just streak across Brooklyn and back to Manhattan? Blaine scratched his head, _where was Kurt?_

Blaine walked around his apartment again once more, but still no Kurt.

Blaine sighed and flopped down on his sofa. His mind flashed back to last night.

* * *

><p><em>The bed creeks underneath the weight of the two. Blaine moves Kurt up higher, straddling him. Blaine's hands wrapped tightly around Kurt's waist, his mouth trailing tiny kisses across his jaw. Kurt shivers as he feels Blaine's hand snake its way down to his pants before pushing his own mouth against Blaine's in a fiery kiss, letting his hands travel over Blaine's exposed skin. <em>

_Blaine's breath hitches as he feels Kurt's fingers tangling into his hair, pulling them closer, before pulling away. _

_Kurt looks at him with his blue green eyes, blazed with want. "Tomorrow this never happened."_

* * *

><p>Blaine shook the thought out of his head, and threw his head back, resting against the couch. "Damn it Kurt…" He said out loud, squeezing his eyes shut.<p>

Blaine sat up suddenly. _No. He doesn't just get to leave like that._ Kurt does not get to prance right in here and just _leave. _It wasn't fair, and Blaine sure as hell deserved some sort of explanation, clarification—something, _anything. _Because he knew somewhere out there, Kurt was feeling just as confused as he was.

Blaine grabbed a tee-shirt from his room, and bolted out the door. He didn't know where he was going, but he was going to find Kurt, and they were going to talk this out.

As he approached the elevator to the apartment lobby, Blaine couldn't help but replay Kurt's words in his mind. "_Tomorrow this never happened." _Fuck. How could he say that? What does that mean?

The elevator opened into the main floor of the apartment, and Blaine stepped out, trying to figure everything out when—

"Kurt?" Blaine called out, spotting Kurt sitting on one of the chairs in the apartment lobby. Kurt…Kurt didn't leave?

Kurt sat still, staring down at the floor.

"Kurt? You're still here?" Blaine said, approaching Kurt, eyebrows furrowed.

Kurt slowly looked up, his eyes rimmed red. "Hey…"

"I—I thought you left or something." Blaine asked, knitting his eyebrows together.

"I tried," came Kurt's soft reply.

"Then why…why are you—" Blaine began, taking a seat next to Kurt.

"I don't know—I just couldn't _leave._" Kurt's voice was trembling slightly as he turned his head back to face the floor, his fingers fumbling with the hem of Blaine's borrowed dress shirt.

Blaine let out a breath, and looked awkwardly around the lobby, not spotting anyone around except the doorman, who yawned sleepily from his post.

"Look Kurt, come on, let's go back upstairs and talk this through." Blaine said gently reaching out for Kurt's arm.

"No." Kurt's head shot up, and he stood up quickly. "I—I can't."

Blaine's eyes fell slightly. "You say that a lot, but…you never really mean it do you?" asked, his voice barely louder than a murmur.

"We're not friends Blaine. It doesn't work that way. We'll never be _just _friends." Kurt said, his eyes wandering toward the front door.

"No…I guess not." Blaine said quietly, he'd acknowledged this fact since the incident in the office.

Kurt sighed and walked toward the door. He felt the gentle breeze against his face as he stepped outside, not daring to turn back.

He didn't get very far before hearing Blaine following behind him, stopping a few feet behind him. His expression was dark, and his words were cold. "You're running. You're always running from me."

Kurt stopped dead in his tracks, his head tilted down a bit, glancing at his shoulder, but he didn't turn. "It's because you're always forcing me to Blaine." He replied in a low, shaky voice.

"Not this time. This time, you're running because you're scared." Blaine growled, his piercing dark eyes staring at Kurt.

Kurt let out an angry chuckle, and turned around slowly. "Fine. FINE! Yes Blaine, I'm scared. I'm scared shitless." His eyes glared at Blaine, "You just _had_ to come back into my goddamned life, and just—mess everything up."

Blaine didn't even flinch.

"You come here, and you—you made me…" Kurt paused, trying to blink away the hot tears now threatening to spill over.

Blaine strode forward, moving closer to Kurt, his eyes still locked on him, never daring to break contact. "Say it Kurt." Blaine urged, his eyes narrowed slightly, "I made you…what?"

Kurt's bit his lip, his voice barely at a whisper. "You made me love you again…now—now I don't know what to do…and—and just so you know, I don't regret it. I know I should, and I feel guilty but I've been thinking about it and…I just _don't_ regret it—I feel like I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

* * *

><p>Blaine's cold expression melted away in an instant, and he just stood there, staring at Kurt. He did <em>not <em>expect that. He didn't expect that _at all. _He watched as Kurt bit his lip, and brushed a few stray tears from his cheek, and turn to walk away again.

"Kurt…" Blaine whispered. His legs seemed to have forgotten how to move. His mind was swirling with all these thoughts, all these mixed emotions—and he didn't know what to do.

Blaine raked his hands through his hair, watching as Kurt walked farther and farther away.

"DAMN IT." Blaine yelled angrily.

Kurt, now a several feet ahead, jumped, startled by Blaine's angry outburst.

Blaine jogged toward him, his eyes blazing. "Damn it Kurt—damn it." He growled, grabbing Kurt's hand roughly, forcing him to spin around to face him.

Blaine was breathing hard, his hazel eyes burning. Kurt looked up at him, his lower lip trembling.

"Damn it Kurt…" Blaine said again, this time softer, as he pressed his forehead against Kurt's and letting out a deep sigh.

Kurt let Blaine's hands intertwine with his as they stood there in the middle of the street, foreheads pressed against each others, neither one knowing what they were doing, or what they were _going_ to do.

"What have we done Blaine?" Kurt whispered, feeling Blaine's hands squeeze his gently.

"I don't know…" Blaine murmured, pulling back to look into Kurt's eyes, and then pressing a kiss onto Kurt's mouth. "But I don't want to stop—I don't think I _can_ stop now."

* * *

><p>Kurt walked into the apartment quietly. Flicking on the lights, and watched as the entire penthouse lit up. Kurt let out a breath in relief. Josh wasn't home. He glanced around the familiar, spacious living room, so much different than Blaine's was. Everything seemed so proper, and neat, unlike Blaine's cozy apartment. The modern style of the apartment just made the whole place seem cold, and uncomfortable.<p>

Kurt sighed, and shuffled to his bedroom. He casually tossed his bag onto an arm chair, and slipped into the bathroom. He gasped in horror as soon as he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror, his eyes widening.

On his lower neck were obvious bruises, trailing down to his collarbone. His eyes were slightly puffy, and rimmed red, his normally perfect complexion was kind of blotchy. Kurt's hands trembled as he slowly unbuttoned Blaine's shirt, almost afraid of what marks he's find.

Kurt stopped halfway through the buttons and just let out a deep breath, turning away from the mirror and resting his elbows onto the bathroom counter. _Shit. _

Kurt could lie all he wanted, but there was no way Josh wouldn't notice the obvious marks all over his body.

Kurt took a long shower, letting the hot water rain down over him. He scrubbed every single inch of his body—knowing full well that no matter how much he scrubbed, he wasn't going to be able to scrub off the feeling of guilt and infidelity.

He dressed himself—utterly thankful for the cool New York whether—pulling on a sweater, and wrapping a scarf around his neck.

He glanced around, noticing the light starting to shine in through the large glass windows of his bedroom.

He picked up the plain white dress shirt he'd borrowed from Blaine off the bed. He sighed, folding it up and placing it at the bottom of his drawer.

He shuffled into the kitchen and found a note on the center island counter.

* * *

><p><em>Kurt, Lucy called about the Manhattan road blocks. Sorry I wasn't able to get a hold of you, I wasn't sure which hotel you were staying at. I'll be late from work tonight. Love you.<em>

_~Josh_

"What the hell have you done?"Kurt hissed loudly, running his fingers through his hair, and staring at the note guiltily.

* * *

><p>Blaine walked back into his apartment, glancing around. He couldn't stop imagining Kurt <em>everywhere <em>in the apartment. The kitchen—Kurt sitting at the table, wrapped in a towel, slowly sipping his tea. His living room—where Kurt had glanced at a few of his paintings on the walls. The studio—where he and Kurt had kissed. The bedroom—Where he and Kurt…Blaine groaned and shook his head.

Blaine walked into his bedroom and picked up the remainder of Kurt's clothing off the floor, and threw them on top of the washing machine.

Blaine paced back and forth around his studio, wondering what the _hell _he was going to do. There was so much still left unsaid, he didn't know what he was going to do. He took a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket, with Kurt's name on it, and a phone number scrawled beneath it. He sighed and folded it back up.

After a few more paces around the living room, Blaine went into his bathroom bending over the bathroom counter, and stared at his reflection.

The chain around his neck hung out in front of him, exposing the silver band dangling at the end of it.

"Shit, Blaine." He cursed out loud, ducking his head down to rest on his hands, refusing to look up at his reflection. "What have you done?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Hey guy! Thanks for continuing to follow up on the story! I was hoping to upload earlier, but was being a butt.**

**ANYWAYS…I always feel so happy reading your kind reviews and such (: This chp focuses a bit on Kurt and Blaine's lives with their significant others, and a couple of flashbacks. I typed this stuff up a while ago, and I wasn't really on using it, but since someone asked, I decided to stick in an extra chapter. (I really do take every review into consideration ^.^ without you guys, I'd be nothing)**

**Song used: "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" – Rod Stewart (also covered by the warblers AND a live version by Darren Criss…tehe ;D)**

**I changed the rating to T since I didn't think it was _too _smutty, but I wanted to be safe. I _have _read the more explicit stuff on , and my stuff really isn't too bad. I usually try to keep all that stuff to a minimum (mostly because I just _cannot _write smut for my life *cough*) Just keep in mind, there are some "implied" things, but it isn't graphic or anything (: I'll update soon!**

**Reviews = LOVE 3**

*****Disclaimer: I do not, in anyway, own Glee or any of its fabulous characters (:**

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><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were<strong>

**Chapter 5**

"Kurt? Kurt, babe. Kurt? Wake up."

Kurt groaned and snuggled deeper under his covers, waving away the voice disrupting his sleep.

Josh smiled and sat down beside Kurt, the bed shifting under his weight. He leaned down to brush a stray hair off Kurt's forehead, and then ducked down to whisper into his ear. "Babe, it's 9:00, why are you sleeping?"

Kurt blinked open his eyes slowly. "Josh?"

"Hi beautiful." Josh said with a smile, kissing Kurt on the forehead, "Wake up, I brought home some dinner."

Kurt sat up, furrowing his eyebrows. "I thought you said you were working late tonight?"

Josh laughed, "Did you have an appointment with your lover or something?"

Kurt's breath hitched, reaching for his neck, thankful the scarf was still wrapped around it tightly.

"C'mon, the food's getting cold. I ordered it from that Italian place you like so much." Josh said, hoping off the bed and headed out to the kitchen.

Kurt's eyes fell. _Josh. _Josh was perfect. That's how everyone described him. Everything about him from his deep brown eyes, to his strong jaw line, and even his fabulously sculpted chestnut hair, was _perfect._

Kurt remembered the first time he'd met Josh, just three years ago—in the magnificent city, Paris. He was there to cover the biannual Paris Fashion Week for _Vain_. It wasn't unusual for him to see beautiful people—I mean it _was _fashion week, and there _were _drop dead gorgeous models everywhere. But Josh was different—he wasn't a model, but Kurt had _thought _he was.

* * *

><p><em>"Excuse me but, may I ask who you're wearing? It's absolutely fabulous." Kurt asked, tapping the gentleman on the shoulder, gasping a little when he turned to face him.<em>

_"Oh? Me? Um, I'm actually not sure, my assistant picked this up for me last minute, and I didn't even have time to check." The stranger replied, looking down casually at his suit._

_Kurt furrowed his eyebrows. "You don't even know whose clothing you're modeling?"_

_The stranger laughed, "My goodness. This is a first. I'm not actually a model."_

_Kurt could feel his cheeks go scarlet. "Oh. I'm—I'm so sorry."_

_"No. No, please, it's flattering. I can't help but noticing another American accent though." The man laughed, "Are you a spectator too?"_

_Kurt smiled. "Um, yeah, I'm the head editor, and founder of Vain Magazine actually. I'm here to cover fashion week."_

_"Wait—you're Kurt Hummel? Wow, I feel like I should've recognized you."_

_Kurt raised an eyebrow, "Excuse me?_

_"I'm Josh Peterson. I work over at the Parisian Dior office. I'm the head PR guy. I read the article you had in Vain last month. Very harsh. You know our designers have been slaving away, working nonstop on that winter line."_

_Kurt's flushed face went cold. He hated refuting with people who were offended by his critics. Kurt was brutally honest, but he was always honest ."Well it's not my fault. I write it as I see it—I know good fashion and that season's line definitely wasn't it," he snapped. Kurt turned to walk away when he felt a hand on his shoulder._

_"Wait!"_

_Kurt turned around, flashing a glare. "Yes?"_

_"Look, I didn't mean to—I didn't mean to offend you or anything. I actually really like your magazine. And you're right, that winter line did suck. No hard feelings okay?" Josh said, flashing a charming smile._

_Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Okay…"_

_"Here, let me buy you a drink or something, the show doesn't start for a couple hours, and—I don't know…it'll be fun."_

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><p>Kurt smirked, who knew that 'drink or something' would result in completely missing that night's fashion show and spent back at Kurt's hotel—<p>

"Babe? Come on! Food's getting cold!" Josh called, poking his head back into the bedroom and interrupting Kurt's thoughts.

"Yeah, I'll be there in sec." Kurt replied hastily.

It was only about 3 months after Fashion Week—3 months filled with constant web chats, long distance phone calls, and dirty emails, before Josh spontaneously decided to move toNew York to be with Kurt and only another year and a half after that, for him to propose.

"Do you want me to heat up your pasta? I know you don't like to eat it cold." Josh yelled from the kitchen.

"Yeah!" Kurt yelled back, slipping out of bed, adjusting the scarf around his neck one more time before slipping out the bedroom door.

* * *

><p>Blaine cocked his head to the side, narrowing his eyes as he applied each individual brush stroke.<p>

"Hold on, can you move your arm _slightly _lower?" He asked, peering past his canvas.

"Um, like this?"

"Perfect, hold it."Blaine said, quickly picking up his paintbrush to continue.

"Babe, I think your other pieces are _fine, _why are you doing another one? I was looking at some of the stuff in the studio earlier and I came across some new sketches, did you find a new model?"

Blaine's paintbrush froze. "Uh—which—which one?"

Danny laughed, "I don't know, I only saw a few sketches, besides you only colored in the eyes—do blue-greenish eyes ring a bell?"

Blaine's eyes darted back to his half completed painting. "Oh—that one."

"Why did you sketch it? I think that model would be gorgeous on canvas, don't you think?"

Blaine's eyes fell, looking down at his palette. He'd drawn those a couple weeks ago, a few days after the office incident at Kurt's. He couldn't bear to look at them much longer after drawing them and had just tossed them in a drawer somewhere—he'd completely forgotten their existence until now.

"You should've shown them to me earlier. That model—goodness, he _needs _to be painted." Danny said, shifting awkwardly in his sitting position. "Where'd you find him?"

Blaine shook himself out of his trance, "Oh, its not important."

"Can't match how we met, huh babe? This right now…what we're doing…_really _takes you back huh?" Danny said with a smirk.

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

Blaine knew the way he and Danny met wasn't exactly the kind of 'funny story' people told at dinner parties. Blaine blushed just _thinking_ about it sometimes, so the sheer idea of telling people—well, that was never going to happen if Blaine could help it.

"Come on Blaine, don't pretend you don't just _love _the way we met. C'mon…" Danny teased.

Blaine stared at his canvas inspecting it, completely ignoring Danny's teasing. He added a few more golden strokes to highlight his dirty blonde hair, and a few more dabs of green into his bright emerald eyes. The plain white shirt Danny was wearing hugged every curve of his perfectly sculpted body, and exposed a tiny sliver of his tanned midriff. Blaine rolled his eyes as he caught Danny still grinning wickedly from his modeling position.

"_Shut up," _Blaine said again, glaring over at Danny.

"If you want my body…and you think I'm sexy…" Danny began to sing under his breath.

"Danny I swear if you start going all Rod Stewart on me I will throw a bucket of paint on you while you sleep."Blaine hissed, feeling his cheeks turning scarlet.

"Blaine? Still? _Come on…_I don't know why you still feel embarrassed by this. I think we've reached that point where we can just talk about it and laugh it off."

Blaine gritted his teeth, feeling his cheeks growing redder. "I hate you."

"Love you too, babe."

Blaine groaned. He was never going to let that go was he?

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><p><em>Blaine could feel the sweat beads forming on his forehead as he peered past his canvas, the sound of Rod Stewart's vintage records playing in the corner of the room.<em>

_She sits alone waiting for suggestions,_

_He's so nervous avoiding all her questions,_

_His lips are dry, her heart is gently pounding,_

_Don't you just know exactly what they're thinking?_

_"Deep breath, he's just a model, just like any other—except this guy's nude. Yep. Okay then, calm down," Blaine muttered to himself as he mixed his paints on the palette. "You've been working with this guy for weeks now…why are you still freaking out?"_

_"You okay there buddy?" the blonde asked, raising an eyebrow, wondering what the dark haired painter was mumbling about._

_If you want my body and you think I'm sexy,_

_Come on, sugar, let me know,_

_If you really need me just reach out and touch me,_

_Come on, honey, tell me so._

_"Oh yeah, I'm fi—fine. Do you um, do you mind turning a li—little butt—bit!" Blaine stammered, he was practically sweating through his shirt, he could feel it._

_"Um, yeah no problem," The model said, trying extremely hard to mask his smile. "Are you uh, feeling uncomfortable about this? Because—"_

_"No, no." Blaine said quickly, "Marcy ordered a nude, I'll give her a nude. I just—I've never—"_

_"Done one before?"_

_Blaine__ was blushing to his scalp by this point. Was it odd that though he'd been painting this guy for weeks, and yet this was the most they'd ever spoken?_

_"No—I have. I've just never…done a male nude before."_

_The model raised an eyebrow, peering at Blaine, who was trying his hardest to hide behind the large canvas. "Oh—I see," He murmured quietly, chuckling under his breath._

_He's acting shy looking for an answer_

_Come on, honey, let's spend the night together_

_Now hold on a minute before we go much further_

_Give me a dime so I can phone my mother_

_They catch a cab to his high rise apartment_

_At last he can tell her exactly what his heart meant._

_Blaine__ eyed his record player in annoyance. "You have got to be kidding me," he huffed wiping the beads of sweat off his forehead with the back of his head, smearing a streak of paint onto it._

_Blaine dabbed on a few more strokes of paint, cocking his head to the side, reviewing his work. He furrowed his eyebrows together, and after one last streak, he placed the paintbrush down onto the palette._

_"Finished,." Blaine whispered, letting a smile escape his mouth._

_"Really?" the model piped._

_Blaine__ smiled and looked up nodding, slightly startled at the naked man now walking towards him. "Erm…what are you—"_

_"I've kind of wanted to kiss you since the first day we started this, and now that you're finished, I'm going to do it."_

_"But I—"_

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><p>Blaine could tell from the leering grin on Danny's face that his mind wasn't the only one wandering back to that painting session—or maybe the things that had happened right <em>after<em> the painting session.

Blaine grumbled. "You're lucky you're pretty."

"You obviously only like me for my good looks." Danny said with a smile.

"No, _obviously _I'm using you for your body…" Blaine shot back, grinning as he raised his paint brush back up to the canvas.

"Hmm…I'm okay with that."

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><p>"So why <em>did <em>you come back early tonight?" Kurt asked, moving his pasta around his plate.

"You act as if you don't want me here!" Josh replied, reaching across the dinner table to grab another piece of bread.

Kurt smiled weakly, "No, of course not, I just wasn't expecting you."

"Well, I've been working late a lot, being so far away from Pars is difficult. But I felt like I was being unfair to you. So I just dropped everything and came home."

"You're tired aren't you?" Kurt said, looking down at his plate.

"Hm?" Josh asked, looking up at Kurt with concerned eyes.

"Moving toNew York…I know it's difficult for you and everything I—"

"Baby," Josh began, "I would move to Zimbabwe if it meant I got to be with you." He reached out and took Kurt's hand in his, "Don't worry about it."

Kurt nodded. "Okay."

Josh got up and cleared the dishes off the table, walking them over to the sink. "So where'd you end up going last night with the whole road block thing?"

Kurt stiffened in his seat. "Oh, um, I just grabbed a cheap room at the Hyatt."

"Cheap room? Hyatt? Wow." Josh laughed, walking back to the table to plant a kiss on Kurt's forehead. "I can't imagine how you'd feel about staying in a motel or something."

Kurt forced a smile.

"Well I'm exhausted, I'm going to bed. You want to join me?" Josh asked, yawning sleepily.

"Actually, I think that nap earlier really helped. I think I'll get some work done before going to bed."

"And you call _me _the work-a-holic," Josh raised an eyebrow, smiling. "Just don't stay up too late."

Kurt nodded and watched Josh disappear into the hallway.

Oh gosh.

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><p>Blaine had gotten midway on his painting before Danny had to bolt of for another modeling gig.<p>

"I'll call you later okay babe? Sorry I got to go, I'm already twenty minutes late." Danny huffed throwing on a jacket.

"Yeah, go. Call me when you get home."Blaine replied.

Danny hastily planted a kiss on Blaine's cheek, and bolted out the door.

Blaine sighed and shuffled back into his studio. Ignoring the mess he'd left in the living room, and the half finished painting in the center. He scanned the room, trying to remember where he'd left those sketches.

He glanced around before finally spotting a few loose papers lying in an open drawer. He removed the sketches, moving his fingers to rub his temple. He'd never actually gotten around to shading them in—only coloring in the eyes, and the hair on a few of them.

"Damn it."Blaine took a deep breath and reached into his pocket once again, taking out the tiny scrap of paper with the phone number scribbled on it.

Blaine's fingers punched in the number and raised the phone up to his ear.

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><p><em>"Hello?"<em>

_"Kurt? It's Blaine."_

_"Oh. Blaine."_

_"Kurt we—we…"_

_"We need to talk about this don't we?"_

_"You left so quickly I just—I don't know."_

_"Yeah, I get it."_

There was a long pause, neither side knowing quite what to say.

_"Kurt, you said you loved me." _Blaine said quietly, breaking the silence.

_"I know."_

_"And—and you said you didn't regret it?"_

_"I don't."_

_"Well, I didn't get a chance to say it but…I don't regret it either."_

_"Blaine this isn't right but last night…it felt…"_

_"Right?" _Blaine could hear Kurt's voice hitch on the other end.

_"Kind of, yeah."_

Blaine removed the phone from his ear for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut, and contemplating whether or not he should say it or not.

"_Kurt…I can't stand not being with you. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop thinking about you, even after the thing at the office. Even if we say that we'll stay away from each other or whatever, I know I won't be able to. I'm always going to chase after you, now that I know that you're here. I—I know it's wrong but I just can't let you go like that."_

There was silence once hear Kurt's uneven breaths on the other side. He didn't hang up, that had to be a good sign right?

_"Blaine, it's not that easy."_ Kurt finally replied, his voice trembling

_'What isn't?" _Blaine replied softly.

_"Everything."_


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Hope you're enjoying the fic (:^.^ Sorry for the delay, I had loads of testing going on…bleh .**

**I kind of wrote this fic backwards (if that makes sense…) I wrote the very last chapter first, and I've kind of just been working backwards. I never really "planned" out the beginning, so its kinda of choppy and weird, so just bear with me for a little bit. Now that all my stupid testing and stuff is over, I'm hoping to post more often, so stay tuned! Haha (:**

**Reviews = LOVE 3**

*****Disclaimer: I do not own Glee (: at all.**

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><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were<strong>

**Chapter 6**

Kurt tried not to think about it. Tried to occupy his time with everything and anything—just to keep his mind busy. He stayed at work later, went to bed earlier, and even agreed to go on a few shopping trips with _Selma_, Josh's senile mother. But nothing worked. The phone still rang—like it did every day, without fail. Kurt stared at the time at the bottom corner of the computer screen. _3:59 PM. _Kurt sighed and looked toward his cell phone, any second now.

It wasn't easy for Kurt, but he couldn't do it. As much as his heart had begged him too, it just wasn't something that he could bring himself to do. It had taken weeks for the marks from that late night escapade to fade, but the memory was still crystal clear in his mind.

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><p>"<em>Kurt…I can't stand not being with you. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop thinking about you, even after the thing at the office. Even if we say that we'll stay away from each other or whatever, I know I won't be able to. I'm always going to chase after you, now that I know that you're here. I—I know it's wrong but I just can't let you go like that."<em>

"_Blaine, it's not that easy."_

'_What isn't?"_

"_Everything." _

"_Kurt…"_

"_I can't do it Blaine, I'm sorry. It was a mistake."_

"_Stop saying that, it wasn't a mistake." Blaine replied, his voice hoarse. _

"_I can't do this to him, and I know you can't either." Kurt whispered. _

"_Stop running away from this Kurt. You want this, I know you do!" _

_Kurt could hear Blaine's fist slam hard against a surface. "I'm sorry…" _

"_Kurt, don't." _

_Silence._

"_Kurt? KURT?"_

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><p>Kurt blinked. That was the last phone call—the last phone call he answered anyways. The phone hadn't stopped ringing since then. Everyday, 4:00 sharp. Just like clockwork.<p>

It wasn't that he didn't _want _to answer the phone. He was _afraid _to. He didn't know what came over him every time he spoke to Blaine—it was like the whole world stopped, like it didn't even exist. When he was _with _Blaine, nothing mattered. It was just the two of them, together, without any worries. No responsibilities, no obligations, nothing. But that wasn't true. None of it was. Kurt knew it, and he hoped Blaine did too. Both of them were in a committed, serious relationship. It wasn't like they could just run off together without any consequence or whatever—It just couldn't happen.

Kurt sighed and leaned back in his chair. The light was gently streaming into the office, slightly illuminating the dimly lit room. Gentle murmuring could be heard outside of the office, as people discussing newly written articles, and gushed about the latest gossip in the fashion world. Kurt looked around the room, trying to bring himself back to reality, shaking the thoughts out of his mind.

He glanced back down at the time at the bottom of the computer screen, _4:07._

Blaine was never late. Kurt had received dozens and dozens of phone calls, everyday for the past few weeks, and he knew Blaine would call at exactly 4:00, right on the dot. Kurt furrowed his eyebrows, picking up his cell phone and checking for any missed messages or voicemails. _Nothing_. Was he out of battery? Was there bad signal? Kurt turned the phone around in his palm, and let out a deep sigh. _What am I doing? I don't answer when he calls, but I'm upset that he doesn't? _

"Damn it!" Kurt cursed out loud, slamming his hands against the desk. He stood up from his desk, grabbing his coat off the chair, and strode out the door.

The bubbly blonde secretary jumped a little at Kurt's sudden entrance into the main office.

"Kurt? Where are you going?" she asked, as Kurt walked by her.

"Kurt…? Are you going to come back? You have a meeting in an hour with—"

The elevator doors opened—shockingly fast—and Kurt stepped in, the desperate calls of the secretary drowning away as the double doors of the elevator closed.

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><p>Blaine glanced down at the wrinkled scrap of paper with Kurt's phone number scrawled on it. He didn't even know why he still kept it—at this point he could probably recite the number backwards, forwards and upside down if you asked him to.<p>

Blaine crumpled the paper in his fist and tossed it into the wastebasket. He threw himself onto the couch, and rubbed over his face with his palm, feeling the scratchiness of the stubble forming on his face.

He wasn't calling today. What was the point? Hearing Kurt's voicemail for the millionth time?

Blaine wasn't stupid, he knew why Kurt wasn't calling him back—or let alone answering his calls. They were both in relationships, they were both busy with their work, and—_whatever_, but for some reason, none of it really mattered. Blaine's mind pretty much revolved around Kurt now. It was hard for him to think about anything else.

Blaine stared up at the ceiling. _Nope, not calling today. _

Blaine slowly sat up, letting out a deep sigh, staring at a half finished painting propped up on an easel in the center of his living room. The slight outline of Kurt's jaw, the bright blue of his eyes, and the pale color of his porcelain skin—the painting hadn't started out as Kurt, but everything Blaine did now-a-days somehow always ended up resembling him in some way, shape or form.

Blaine picked up the painting from the easel and walked it back to his studio, setting it down against the wall. He looked at it, squinting his eyes a bit as he glanced over his prior brushwork. Should he just finish it? Blaine looked over at the small stack of sketches of Kurt he'd compiled over the last few days—none of them completed either.

Blaine slumped down onto his stool, grabbing a few clean brushes from his desk and moving the half finished painting to a new easel. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, before starting to mix new paint on his palette.

As he raised his arm to do the next brush stroke, he heard the sound of the doorbell ring.

Blaine groaned. The world just didn't want him to finish the painting did they? He threw down his paintbrushes in frustration and slowly shuffled to the door. It had to be Cynthia. He'd been putting off his new painting selections—again. It'd been so long since he had enough 'good' pieces for a gallery showing in a while. He ended up having to cancel his gallery showing last week, being unable to scrounge together enough suitable pieces. Blaine seemed to have lost his passion. It was getting to the point where he couldn't even come up with any reasonable excuses to tell Cynthia anymore. _I've been busy—doing absolutely nothing, or I didn't have enough time—with me not having a real job or anything. _Sometimes he even went with the infamous _There was nothing to paint—besides the half dozen of models you hired, and the rich New York landscape outside my windows, clearly visible through my huge glass windows. _

Blaine opened the door, letting it swing open, and leaned up against the door frame. He looked up about to say something along the lines of "I'm painting _right now _I promise…" or some excuse like that.

Blaine's hazel eyes met bright blue eyes staring back at him.

"Ku-Kurt?" Blaine stuttered, hand flying up to rake through his curly hair. "What—what are doing here?"

Kurt's face was unreadable, "You didn't call," he answered simply.

"But…" Blaine began.

Kurt took a deep breath before lurching forward, cupping the shorter man's face in his hands and kissed him hard, pushing him into the apartment, and slamming the door shut behind them. Kurt backed them up until he was pressing Blaine up against the nearest wall, resting his forehead against the shorter males, the two now breathing heavily.

"_You didn't call…"_ Kurt said again in a whisper, looking deeply into Blaine's eyes, their foreheads still pressed against each others.

"_I'm sorry" _Blaine whispered back, tangling his hands into Kurt's hair and kissing him back roughly, pushing off the wall and maneuvering them to the living room couch.

* * *

><p>Kurt lay against Blaine's warm chest, feeling it rise and fall with every breath he took.<p>

"This can't go on forever." Kurt stated firmly, propping himself up to look at Blaine.

"Yeah, I know." Blaine replied, reaching out to brush some hair away from Kurt's forehead.

"It has to stay casual…till we get it out of our systems, you know?" Kurt said with a sigh, lying back down against Blaine.

Blaine nodded, resting his chin on Kurt's head, and wrapping his arms around him. "Okay..."

"And when we both say _'I do'_ all this ends."

"Of course."

Kurt sighed. "This is just for a little while, okay?"

Blaine murmured an agreement, and leaned down, brushing his lips against Kurt's, running his thumb against Kurt's cheek. _Just for a little while…_

Kurt snuggled up against Blaine's strong embrace. This really _was _just temporary. So that he could get his sanity back. So he could stop wondering 'what if…' He loved Josh, he really did. This—this was just a short-term thing. He could stop whenever he wanted.

"What are you thinking about?" Blaine asked, smiling gently.

Kurt chuckled softly, "Nothing, nothing. Everything's fine."

Blaine closed his eyes, nuzzling against Kurt's warm body. "Hmm…good."

* * *

><p>Kurt stared out the taxi car window, watching the small water beads roll down the window as the light rain tapped against the window. He was almost scared to check his phone, knowing there'd probably be about a dozen messages from Lucy about missing his important meeting with the Milan people, and possibly a few messages from Josh wondering where he was. He glanced at the taxi clock. <em>8:32. <em>He didn't know he'd spent _that_ much time at Blaine's. Time kind of just…flew by.

"Thank you." Kurt said to the taxi driver as the car came to a halt, handing him a couple of bills, before climbing out of the backseat of the car.

Kurt had trouble suppressing a smile as he went up to the penthouse, and unlocked the door.

The penthouse was dark, as usual. Josh was typically either doing work in his office or taking a nap after a long day of work.

Kurt walked over to Josh's office door, and lightly knocking on the door. "Josh? Are you in there?"

"Oh, come in babe!" Josh's muffled voice replied.

Kurt opened the door, and saw him hunched over his desk going over a few papers.

"Still working?" Kurt asked with a smile, raising an eyebrow. "I thought you promised you'd keep the work stuff at _work." _

Josh smiled, the tired lines on his face showing. "I'm sorry Kurt, I know I'm supposed to be relaxing at home, but it's hard with the Paris time difference, I got to get this stuff done. I'll be finished soon."

Kurt nodded.

"C'mere." Josh said, tugging Kurt down and giving him a gentle kiss.

Kurt forced a sweet smile, hoping to hide the guilt on his face. _It's just for a little while. _

"Don't stay up too late okay?" Kurt said, before walking out of the office.

Josh nodded, and turned back to his work. "Got it, got it."

Kurt walked into the kitchen, and poked through the leftovers before setting for some chow mein from the Chinese take out they'd gotten yesterday. Kurt pulled up a chair, and ate silently in the dimly lit kitchen, glancing out the windows every now and again. Kurt pushed all his thoughts out of his mind, worrying about nothing except how many calories he was probably ingesting right now.

Sure it was lonely sometimes, but Kurt got used to it. He knew it was hard on Josh to move all the way to New York for him, but a dinner together every now and again would be nice. Kurt knew late dinners has dastardly affects on his figure, but that's what he'd have to do if he wanted to spend it with Josh—even then they weren't a guarantee. Sometimes Josh was just too busy to eat altogether, and Kurt would end up poking at leftovers, alone in the kitchen.

He felt his cell phone vibrate, and slowly fished it out of his pocket.

It was a text message from Blaine.

Kurt read the text message, and then over again. He let a small smile escape from his mouth. He had this sort of tingling sensation in his stomach. That wasn't—that wasn't butterflies was it? No. Couldn't be.

* * *

><p>"Babe! You're out of shampoo!" Danny yelled from the bathroom.<p>

"There's some under the sink!" Blaine yelled back, trying to focus on his painting.

"All you have is that weird girly smelling one!" Danny's muffled voice screamed again.

Blaine rolled his eyes, setting his paintbrushes down again, and yelled back, "Why don't you just shower at your place then? And quit insulting my shampoo! It's Awesome! How do you think I get my hair so freaking voluminous?"

When Danny didn't reply, Blaine smirked and went back to his painting. _Thought so…_

Blaine and Danny had always been like that, constantly teasing, and messing around. With someone as immature as Danny, it was almost unavoidable. He was charming though—a little too charming sometimes, and got under Blaine's skin. Models…so typical. Blaine won't lie, it was definitely the pretty face that attracted him in the first place, but Danny was also the only person to drag him out of his depressed, dark, lonely state he was in. Though he was a bit overzealous and wild, he was also passionate, always bright, and he kept Blaine on his toes.

Blaine bend down to grab another tube of paint when—

"Holy shit Danny" Blaine cursed out loud, dropping his palette, and letting it clatter loudly to the floor.

Danny stood at the doorway of the studio, a hand on his hip, completely naked and dripping in water, unceremoniously flashing Blaine a smirk. "Hey…"

"Danny what the hell! Go put on a towel or something!" Blaine said, trying not to laugh, and pretending to shield his eyes.

"You didn't have one…" Danny replied, looking down at his own wet body and raising his eyebrows a couple times.

Blaine rolled his eyes and got up, pushing past the naked man in the doorway to a small cupboard in hallway, tossing him a towel. "Here, dry yourself off mister tall-blonde-and-Abercrombie."

Danny caught the towel and dried his hair with it. "Can't stay the night, I got this thing I got to do."

Blaine raised an eyebrow. "Thing? Please tell me you're not still working at—"

Danny rolled his eyes, "Babe, it pays good money, and it's not like I'm a stripper or anything okay? It's hard to find work right now, and we have shit to pay for."

Blaine's voice got a little softer. "I don't like the idea of you working _there." _

"I'm a _waiter_ Blaine…so what if it's to a bunch of horny chicks who don't know I'm gay? It's _money_—and right now we need it." Danny said, walking to the bathroom and shrugging on a tee-shirt.

Blaine turned and went back to his studio. "Whatever…do what you want."

"Hey! At least I'm supporting us!" Danny yelled back. "You haven't even _finished _a painting in weeks! Let alone sell any."

Blaine glared back at Danny. "Just go Danny, I can't deal with you right now."

Danny shook his head. "Fine…I'll see you tomorrow."

Blaine watched as Danny grabbed his stuff and headed out the door.

"Yeah, whatever…" Blaine grumbled back, shuffling back to the studio.

Blaine hunched back onto his stool, trying to calm himself a little bit. He knew he shouldn't be upset, he'd known about this new _job_ Danny had gotten a couple of weeks ago, but he still…he didn't like it. They'd argued about it a couple times, but he had to face the facts, money was starting to get tight around here, and Blaine didn't really have the heart to bug his parents for money after the whole dropping-out-of-law-to-go-focus-on-art thing. But still…it didn't mean it didn't piss him off…

He glanced at his painting. _Kurt_. He couldn't help but smile as his eyes traced around the perfect outline of Kurt's face, and his bright blue eyes that always sent Blaine's heart fluttering. Blaine chuckled to himself—just looking at a half-finished painting of Kurt make his heart race a little faster, and all other thought just disappear.

Blaine smiled, and reached for his phone, staring at it for a moment.

He finally opened it up, and decided to send out a text message, grinning as he typed it out.

* * *

><p><em>Kurt, you're really beautiful you know that? <em>

_Just thinking about you makes everything _

_seem better, brighter. I can't get you out of my_

_ mind, and you know what? I don't mind. See you soon?_

_~Blaine_


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Hey guys! As always, hope you're still enjoying the fic (: In my opinion, things really start to heat up around now, so yay for angst and drama and kinda sorta smut, but not really! Wooot! Haha! Thank you guys all so much for all the positive reviews! I kind of get super excited every time someone reviews, or favorites my stories (: **

**I noticed how I kept making Danny naked…sorry about that…my mind is weird…I'll try to keep the guy clothed from now on…with a towel or something **_**at least**_**…**

**Song used: "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John (cover by Darren Criss….it's lovely! Look it up ^.^)**

**Warning: Things **_**do **_**kinda get explicit after this chapter, but it'll be on the same level as the previous chapters. The 'fade to black' kind of thing…nothing too bad, I promise! ^.^ **

**Reviews = LOVE! **

*****Disclaimer: I do not own glee at all in any way shape or form (:**

* * *

><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were<strong>

**Chapter 7**

"I'm—I—umm, wait…I just…nnnmpphh!" Kurt gasped, his hands pressing against Blaine's chest.

Blaine laughs into Kurt's ear, his mouth trailing up from Kurt's collar bone and up his neck so he could kiss at his earlobe.

"Hmm…?" Blaine asks, his low voice sending shivers down Kurt's spine, and causing his head to tilt back further into the pillows.

Kurt knows he should stop this before it gets too far—he is on a tight schedule after all, but Blaine's hands were sliding up and down Kurt's bare arms and lingering around his hips, his fingers falling dangerously low.

"Umm Blaine—we can't…" Kurt stammered, trying to bite back a moan as he felt Blaine's fingers pushing up underneath his shirt hesitantly, eyes wandering up to Kurt's as if trying to sense some sort of objection. When no trace was detected, Blaine gently pressed his lips against Kurt's, and let his hand settle on Kurt's smooth, warm stomach.

"Blaine—I…" Kurt tried again, squirming under Blaine, not quite sure if he was trying to get farther or closer to Blaine—now trailing wet kisses down the side of his jaw, being careful not to leave marks.

Blaine props himself up on his elbows and stares down at Kurt, an eyebrow raised. "Is everything okay?" His big hazel eyes stared down at Kurt, searching for some sign of protest, or disapproval.

Kurt sighed, and let a small smile creep onto his face, "Ugh, screw the 4:00 meeting…I can always reschedule…"

And in a sudden lurch, Kurt reached up and kissed Blaine back desperate, and heated, his mouth open against Blaine's to kiss deeper, moaning when Blaine starts to roll his hips down.

Blaine is laughing when he and Kurt come up for air.

"What?" Kurt asks, raising a questioning eyebrow, his cheeks flushed from all the heat.

Blaine rubbed Kurt's cheek with his thumb and leaned down to plant an innocent peck on Kurt's lips.

"You're adorable when you blush"

"Shut up…" Kurt said with a smirk, rolling the two over so that he was straddling Blaine.

Blaine chuckled and pulled Kurt down by the collar, their lips crashing together, Kurt's fingers tighten their grip on Blaine's waist.

* * *

><p>Blaine stared lazily at Kurt as he dressed himself, squeezing himself into his impossibly tight pants, and adjusting his messy hair.<p>

"We can't keep meeting here" Kurt said bluntly, turning to look at Blaine.

"Why not? My loft is _cozy_" Blaine grinned, striding forward to wrap his arms around Kurt's waist, and rest his head against Kurt's neck.

"Yeah, and your _fiancé_ could waltz right in at anytime!" Kurt said with a sigh, resting his hands over Blaine's arms.

"He doesn't live here…yet." Blaine said quietly, holding Kurt a little closer, nuzzling against him.

Kurt chuckled, and broke out of Blaine's embrace. "Still…what if he wants to come home for an evening booty call—who knows?"

"_I know someone else who wanted an evening booty call…"_ Blaine murmured under his breath, trying to suppress his grin.

Kurt rolled his eyes, and grabbed his phone off Blaine's dresser. "I heard that."

"Well this is better than meeting in your office! Now every time I _visit, _Lucy gives me this weird look…it's like…_she knows…" _Blaine replied, making a silly hand gesture.

Kurt smiled and kissed Blaine's forehead. "Don't worry, whether she knows or not, she won't tell anyone…maybe her cats, but trust me, I don't think they're the gossiping type."

Blaine walked Kurt to the front door. "Alright…well, Danny works nights now…so…day time rendezvous really aren't a good idea I guess."

Kurt nodded and pulled Blaine close for a kiss. "We'll think of something."

Blaine laughed, "goodbye my dearest mistress!"

Kurt playfully shoved Blaine on the shoulder. "Hey!"

"Bye." Blaine said, more seriously this time, as he opened the front door.

Kurt leaned in for one more quick kiss, "Bye…"

Blaine shut the door, after one last wave to Kurt. He raked his fingers through his curly hair as he walked back into his living room and plopped himself on the couch.

"Wow."

* * *

><p>Their encounters were brief, casual, and generally occurred during late evenings when both of their significant others were at work. Sometimes they met during Kurt's midday lunch break or in the evenings at Blaine's loft when Danny thought Blaine was out painting the city, and sometimes even at Kurt's place—if they were really discreet and avoided the days the cleaning lady came over.<p>

It was awkward at first, for neither knew what the boundaries were too much. Both were nervous about overstepping them—and nervous about what was allowed, and what was forbidden. When to meet, how often, how long, where…it was all so secretive, and adulterous, it was obvious neither felt comfortable asking.

Their meetings were all their own. The outside didn't exist during that short window of time. It was just them. Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson. That was it. Time, work, fiancés—nothing mattered. Because for that brief window of time, they had each other, and there wasn't a care in the world. For that short moment, they caved into all their desperate wants, desires. The world stopped revolving, the clock stopped ticking, and everything just stood still.

They never discussed the "terms" of their arrangement again. What had been settled that first day it was ever brought up was it. Their affair ends when they say 'I do' to their partners. Then the all the fun was over—then everything went back to what they were. Their lives go back to the steady path life had planned out for them. And none of this…none of this ever happened.

* * *

><p>It was still rather early when Kurt got home. He'd stopped by the office to deal with his missed meeting mishap, and finished up a few last minute editorials that needed to be run in the next issue.<p>

The penthouse was dark and quiet as usual. Kurt began to see the apartment colder, drearier in comparison to the warm, cozy Brooklyn loft Blaine lived in.

Kurt tossed his keys into the bowl beside the door, flicking the lights on as he stepped in.

He noticed the light at the end of the hallway lit, and opened just a crack, Josh's muffled voice on the other side of the door.

Kurt shuffled into the kitchen, and fixed a mug of green tea for Josh, like he did on most occasions, so routine.

* * *

><p>Kurt knocked lightly on Josh's office door, opening it, and slipped quietly into the room, noticing Josh still had the phone pressed to his ear.<p>

Josh smiled, and nodded at Kurt, and lifted a finger, letting Kurt know he'll only be a moment.

Kurt gently closed the door, and placed the steaming cup of tea on Josh's desk.

"No, no, I already faxed that to the Parisian office last week." Josh said into the phone, a subtle hint of anger masked by a painfully forced polite tone.

Kurt took a seat on the small sofa Josh kept in the office.

"No, I—Michael please. I cannot make a trip over there this month, I'm swamped enough as it is! Why don't you just tell her to hire someone over there? I cannot manage two offices at the same time!" Josh said, raising his voice slightly.

Kurt could see the stress on Josh's face. The dark bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, the graying roots of his hair, and the weakness in his voice.

"I don't care! Just—tell her I'll make a trip next month...I have wedding plans to make, or has she forgotten…and it's my _anniversary _at the end of the month Michael…I'm not flying out to Paris, and that's final!" Josh barked into the phone, and slammed the phone down, causing Kurt to wince.

"Sorry honey," Josh sighed, as his hand flew up to rest against his forehead. "Work stuff."

Kurt let out a sympathetic smile. "I know, isn't it always?"

Josh chucked dryly. "Yeah…"

Kurt got up and scooted the steaming tea closer to Josh. "Drink this, it'll calm you down a little."

Josh smiled and looked up at Kurt's bright blue eyes. "Thank you." He said, reaching up to peck Kurt on the lips.

Kurt smiled, trying to mask the look of guilt on his face. "Of course."

It was difficult for Josh to work from New York, when his whole job revolved around Paris—and Kurt knew it. No matter how much Josh would tell him not to worry, tell him he _wanted _this, tell him how it didn't matter as long as he could be here with him, Kurt couldn't help but feel guilty—even more so now.

"C'mon," Josh said sweetly, his voice slightly strained from exhaustion. "Let's go out to dinner…we haven't done that in a while."

"Yeah," Kurt said forcing a smile, "Let me just go change."

"Okay," Josh replied, "I'll go call a cab"

Kurt nodded and smiled weakly as he headed to his bedroom. "Meet you in the lobby in a minute!"

* * *

><p>They returned two hours later. Kurt stuffed their leftovers into fridge, replacing last week's stale chow mein take-out with this week's cold pasta.<p>

It was late, and after a quick shower, Josh was fast asleep ,snoring softly as he tossed around on his and Kurt's king sized bed. Kurt sighed and snuck out into the kitchen, pulling out his cell phone and scrolling through his contacts, though he'd memorized this number by heart.

"_Hello?" _Blaine answered cheerily.

"_Hey, it's Kurt. Surprised you're still so spunky at 1AM." _Kurt whispered into the phone.

"_Well…you know me. Total night owl…besides—I'm waiting up for—um, never mind… is something wrong? Are you alright?" _Blaine asked.

"_Oh yeah, every thing's fine. I don't know…I guess I just wanted someone to talk to. I can't sleep." _

"_Oh, well, would you like me to sing you a song? A nice little lullaby or something?"_ Blaine asked half jokingly.

Kurt chuckled, taking a moment to look around the empty kitchen. _"Sure, I'd love to hear a song. Show me your best Anderson…I don't think I've heard you sing since high school." _

"_Nope you haven't! Hmm…what's a good song…? Ooh…I know." _

Kurt perched himself up on the kitchen counter, pressing the phone closer to his ear, smiling as he heard Blaine begin to hum.

"_Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band  
>Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man<br>Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand  
>And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand"<em>

Kurt could feel the grin spreading across his face as Blaine's Elton John cover flooded through the telephone.

"_Jesus freaks out in the street  
>Handing tickets out for God<br>Turning back she just laughs  
>The boulevard is not that bad"<em>

Kurt could feel his heart fluttering as Blaine's smooth voice sang softly and sweetly. He couldn't help but hum along with the familiar classic, harmonizing with the voice on the other end.

"_Piano man he makes his stand  
>In the auditorium<br>Looking on she sings the songs  
>The words she knows the tune she hums"<em>

Blaine hadn't sung for…anyone really, since his old Warbler days. He couldn't remember the last time he'd even thought about taking out the old guitar, or pressing his fingertips against the smooth ivory of a piano again.

He wasn't belting, barely raising his voice louder than normal speaking level. He sang gently, singing just for one person—that one special person, to hear.

"_But oh how it feels so real  
>Lying here with no one near<br>Only you and you can hear me  
>When I say softly slowly<em>

_Hold me closer tiny dancer  
>Count the headlights on the highway<br>Lay me down in sheets of linen  
>you had a busy day today"<em>

Kurt slowly slipped off the kitchen counter, his feet landing gently on the cold kitchen tile.

"_That was beautiful Blaine." _

Blaine chuckled softly, _"So are you….Good night Kurt." _

"_Good night Blaine,"_ Kurt whispered, and flipped his phone shut, hugging it to his chest as he crept back to bed.

Blaine shut his phone, and placed it onto the table, turning his attention to his most recent painting, Central Park.

His portrait of Kurt was still left half completed in the corner. Blaine couldn't understand it, but no matter how hard he tried, he just _could not _finish the damn thing.

* * *

><p>"BLAINE?" Danny yelled as he walked into the loft, and tossed his coat on the couch, adding to the growing pile of clothes already stacked on it.<p>

"Hmmm?" came a muffled reply from the studio.

Blaine shuffled out of the studio, his hair ruffled, wearing his pajamas and sporting a few paint streaks on his forehead and his fingers. "You're getting in late." He said, trying to hide the underlying coldness of his words.

Danny sighed, and shuffled to the bathroom. "Yeah, sorry."

Blaine glanced at Danny as he strode past him, his face obviously exhausted from working all night, with a few traces of lipstick on his face and neck from a few overly excited 'customers' were still visible, though it was clear Danny had some how tried to rub them off, but only managed to smudge them.

"I'm gonna shower. I stink" Danny called out as he walked toward the bathroom, stripping off his shirt and lazily tossing it over his back.

Blaine heard Danny head into the bathroom and turn on the shower. He shook the thoughts of a half naked Danny _entertaining _woman at the night club (pretty much a male stripper joint that sold food) out of his head, and went back into the studio.

Blaine jumped a little when Danny's head popped into the studio doorway.

"Have you seen my blue tee-shirt? I think I left it here a couple weeks ago." Danny asked.

"Yeah, it's on top of the washing machine," Blaine replied casually, not looking up from his painting.

Danny nodded, sensing Blaine's distance.

"Look, I know you don't like it…I'm only working there till I find another job okay? You and I both know modeling isn't paying too well now-a-days. I'm _trying_ okay?" Danny said, opening the studio door a bit wider.

Blaine sighed, and put his paintbrush down. "I know. I know. C'mere." Blaine gestured for Danny to come forward.

"Thank you. I know you don't like working there either, and I'm sorry I was being so…harsh about it." Blaine said in hushed voice, and leaned up to kiss Danny lightly on the lips.

Danny nodded and smiled, "Yeah."

* * *

><p>Blaine had been acting kind of weird lately, Danny thought as he walked to the laundry room. He couldn't quite figure it out. Sometimes he was grumpy and irritable, and on other days he was his normal cheery self, with that adorable grin plastered on his face. Danny shook the thought out of his mind as he rifled through the pile of clothes stacked on the washing machine.<p>

Danny pulled out a dark maroon dress shirt out of the pile. Whose shirt was this? It couldn't fit either himself or Blaine, the shirt was for someone who was much, _much _slimmer. And judging from the brand, and approximate price range _of _that brand—it wasn't something he or Blaine could afford anyways.

Danny looked around for a moment—trying to decide what to do, before tossing it back into the pile. It was probably nothing, and he'd rather not know where the shirt came from anyways. Danny was never the jealous type, and he certainly wasn't going to start now.

"Danny! Stop letting the shower water run if you're not in it yet!" Blaine yelled from the studio.

Danny shook the thought out of his mind.

"Yeah! I'm going, I'm going!" Danny yelled back.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Thanks for tuning in for the next chapter (: A few people were commenting on why Danny didn't question Kurt's shirt at the end of the episode, and guy, guys, guys…let me foreshadow a little bit yeah? Haha! Trust me, It'll come up again, and drama and angst will ensue (woot!) Besides, things between Blaine and Danny were a little tense, Danny knew that bringing that up would just be adding more distress. **

**Does the storyline seem choppy to you guys? The line breaks could mean the next scene, the next day, the next week, or even a scene that's parallel in time. It makes sense in my head, but if it's confusing to you guys let me know (:**

**This chapter was getting a little too long, so I cut it in half, I'll have the next episode up super super soon!**

**If you have a question or comment or a helpful critique, leave a review, and I'll reply! ^.^ **

**Thank you so much for sticking with this silly little fic of mine, I love all of you 3**

**Reviews = LOVE!**

*****Disclaimer: I do not own Glee AT ALLLLLL D:**

* * *

><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were<strong>

**Chapter 8**

Blaine's kissing him, deep and wet and desperate, grinding himself against Kurt's hip, and pressing him hard against the cold granite. Kurt let out a soft whimper, trying his best to hold in his moans—finding this harder and harder to do as Blaine pressed their bodies closer together.

"Kurt…there's no one here. I want to hear _every_ sound you make." Blaine growled, dropping to his knees to kiss down Kurt's chest, hands sliding up Kurt's sides, lifting up the fabric of his shirt, lingering on his stomach, and finally settling on Kurt's hips. Kurt gasped and jerked up, but Blaine kept going, kissing lower and lower, until reaching Kurt's pant line, and moving to fumble with Kurt's tricky belt buckle.

Blaine's eyes were dark, illuminated by the moon light streaming into the dark room, as he stared at Kurt, with his pale body exposed, hair slightly ruffled, and bright swollen lips slightly ajar. Blaine pinned Kurt against the kitchen counter, his hands resting on the counter top, as he leaned in to whisper dirty things into Kurt's ear—that alone almost causing Kurt to go over the edge. Blaine reached down to run his hands down Kurt's thigh, when suddenly Kurt pushed him away, hand pressed against his chest—

"Wait—what was that?" Kurt hissed, his eyes darting around the kitchen in panic.

"Nnnphh…I didn't hear anything…" Blaine mumbled, leaning forward to suck little kisses down Kurt's neck.

"No…I definitely heard the front door, and…keys…" Kurt whispered, gently squirming out of Blaine's grasp.

"I thought you said Josh wasn't going to be home until way late…" Blaine said, furrowing his eyebrows, looking at Kurt's worried expression.

"_Kurt? Kurt! Babe, are you home?" _A distant voice called out.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Kurt yelped under his breath, quickly bending down to pick up Blaine's abandoned shirt, carelessly tossed on the kitchen floor, and thrusting it into his arms.

Blaine, still stunned, scrabbled to zip up his pants, and looked around desperately for a place to hide.

"Shit! Get in the pantry! The _pantry_!" Kurt said desperately, shoving Blaine in the direction of the small food closet.

"_Kurt? Are you in here?" _

The lights in the room flickered on as Josh walked into the kitchen, casually throwing his keys into the bowl. He glanced around the empty kitchen, and scratched his head.

"Hm…I thought I heard someone in here."

Kurt himself had ducked into the hallway corridor behind the kitchen, and was now cursing himself for not just shoving Blaine into the bedroom, or bathroom—anywhere besides the kitchen, instead of throwing him half naked into the pantry. Kurt full-well knew Josh _always _prepared something to eat as soon as he came home, especially on nights where he had to work late at the office.

Kurt watched in silent horror as his fiancé made his way around the kitchen, toward to pantry. _Shit, shit, shit_. Josh stopped at the refrigerator, digging out some leftovers, and what appeared to be yesterday's Thai take out.

Kurt smoothed out his hair, adjusted his shirt and slipped into the kitchen, faking a yawn.

"Hey babe, you're home earlier than expected…" Kurt said, his voice trembling slightly.

Josh turned around, a spoon full of Pad Thai in his mouth. "Oh! Kurt! You're home!"

Kurt smiled weakly, "Yeah…I was—I was just taking a nap. I'm kind of tired."

Josh smiled, and walked over to kiss Kurt on the forehead. "You should go back to sleep then, I was just going to eat a little and go and finish up some work anyways."

There was a shuffling noise coming from the pantry.

Kurt's eyes went wide. In one swift movement pulled Josh into a kiss, and led them into the living room.

Josh chuckled against Kurt's lips, and Kurt could taste the familiar spiciness of last night's Thai food.

When they broke apart, Josh was smiling, gazing down at Kurt with bright eyes. "You're feisty today."

Kurt could feel his cheeks burning, and his heart pounding in his chest. What was Blaine _doing _in there!

"Umm, you know I'm a little hungry too, I think I'll heat up some of yesterday's leftovers too." Kurt said quickly, patting Josh on the shoulder and bolting back into the kitchen. "I'll be right back!" he yelled as he disappeared around the corner.

Josh furrowed his eyebrows, wondering why Kurt was acting so strange. He brushed it off and settled himself on the big leather sofas, and turned on the TV—maybe there was a game on tonight.

* * *

><p>Kurt opened the pantry, and grabbed Blaine out in one quick movement, his eyes darting around.<p>

"I'm _sorry!" _Blaine whispered apologetically as he stepped out, struggling to put his tee-shirt back on.

"No, no, it's my fault, I should have known meeting here was too risky…never know when he's going to come home!" Kurt whispered back.

"C'mon!" Kurt said as he ushered Blaine around the other side of the kitchen and toward the front door. Kurt could see Josh staring idly at the TV in the living room, poking absent-mindedly at his to-go carton.

Kurt gestured to the front door hoping Josh didn't look in their direction, opening it softly, and letting Blaine slip out silently.

Kurt's chest was beating a mile a minute as he shut the door, feeling his forehead damp with a cold sweat.

"Are you going somewhere babe?" Josh called out, staring at a shaking Kurt holding onto the door handle.

Kurt flinched, "Oh um, yeah, I was just going to um…get the mail from the lobby!"

Kurt silently hoped Josh didn't catch the slight tremble in his voice.

"Oh, you're not hungry? We can order something if you'd like. I know Thai isn't exactly your favorite." Josh said, his eyes still focused on the TV screen.

"No, no, I'll be right back!" Kurt said in a weirdly high voice, grabbing the mail keys from the bowl beside the front door.

* * *

><p>Blaine was just about to press the door close button on the elevator when a hand held the doors open, stopping the doors right as they were about to close.<p>

"Kurt!" Blaine said in surprise, shifting awkwardly where he was standing.

"Sorry about that…" Kurt murmured, avoiding Blaine's gaze.

Blaine smiled, stepped forward and lifting up Kurt's chin, and looking right into his bright blue-green eyes. "Hey…I may never want to experience that type of horror ever again but…it was still _totally _worth it."

Kurt chuckled dryly. "Yeah…that was close. _Too _close."

"Never thought I'd be half naked in your pantry before…wasn't too bad. Pretty roomy." Blaine said with a laugh.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I thought my heart was just about to explode, and you're trying to be funny…"

Blaine took Kurt's hands in his. "Don't worry…me too. I thought you guys would be able to hear my heart beats echoing in there."

"I guess we're reduced to meeting in dingy motels…like they do in the movies…" Kurt said with a sigh as the elevator door dinged—signaling that they'd arrived at the lobby floor.

"_Kinky_…" Blaine said, as he stepped out into the lobby.

Kurt rolled his eyes again. "I'll call you later. Josh thinks I'm down here getting the mail…" Kurt said, jingling the mail box keys.

Blaine looked around the empty lobby before kissing Kurt quickly on the cheek. "Looking forward to it."

Kurt couldn't help but smile as he watched Blaine walk away—with his shirt inside out.

* * *

><p><em>A few days later…<em>

The sun shone brightly into Blaine's cozy loft, lighting up many paintings currently piled in Blaine's living room.

Blaine stared idly at his newspaper, sipping his morning coffee, and reading an article about the passing of one of New York's best street painters.

Danny shuffled into the kitchen, yawning as he poked his head into the fridge and pulling out some orange juice.

"Your art gallery show tonight?" Danny asked sleepily as he poured the juice into a glass.

Blaine ruffled his newspaper, "Mmhmm…You coming? Or are you just going to take off this afternoon?"

"Do I have to wear a suit?" Danny asked, smirking at Blaine.

Blaine chuckled, "I'm sure my buyers will be _so _amused if you showed up in shorts and a tee-shirt."

Danny walked into the living room, looking at the assortment of paintings, framed and laid out to be brought to the gallery later that afternoon.

"Yeah, okay I'll go. I'll just leave tonight then. It's only a 2 hour cab ride, Lindsay won't mind if I'm a little late. Besides, I couldn't miss the opening night of your gallery."

Blaine nodded and turned back to his paper. "Do you like my selections?"

"Where's that painting with that new model of yours? The blue eyed one?" Danny asked distractedly, his eyes transfixed on one of Blaine's paintings of Central Park.

Blaine cleared his throat. "Oh, um…him. I—I'm not bringing it."

Danny smiled. "Hmm…pity, he'd be a great addition for the gallery."

"I don't think I'd sell Kurt—I mean that painting, anyways." Blaine said quickly, watching Danny as he looked over his chosen paintings.

"Developed too close a relationship?" Danny chuckled.

"What?" Blaine yelped in horror. "Why—why do you think that?"

Danny smiled, and turned to look at Blaine. "Well, you don't really sell paintings of me anymore—give or take a few. You said our relationship was too _personal_ to put out on the market now."

Blaine could feel the color draining out of his face. "Oh, um, I don't know. Something like that I suppose. And it doesn't matter, I haven't been able to finish it, so I can't sell it anyways."

Danny raised an eyebrow. "Okay…Well maybe I can meet this Kurt fellow sometime. I'd like to meet the guy who's stumped the great Blaine Anderson! You've never, _not_ been able to finish a painting before. Well…except when you were painting me—but you just took too many 'breaks'" Danny said with a laugh, winking at Blaine.

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Danny smiled, "No really, I'd like to meet him!"

"Um…" Blaine cleared his throat, "Maybe…he's a busy guy so…"

There was a knocking on the door.

"I got it!" Danny yelled, walking to the front door.

Blaine swallowed. Saved by the bell—or knock. Whatever.

"Blaine! Cynthia and the movers are here to bring the painting to the Gallery!" Danny called out, gesturing the movers to the living room.

"Yeah! I'm coming!" Blaine called back.

* * *

><p><em>Two weeks later…<em>

Kurt watched Josh neatly folding his dress shirts and placing them into his suitcase.

"Don't forget to bring socks. You always forget to bring socks." Kurt reminded him, sitting down at the edge of the bed.

"Oh! Right! Josh said quickly, walking over to get a few pairs of socks from the drawers. "Look Kurt, I'm so sorry about leaving. I know I'm missing out anniversary…I promise I'll make it up to you. Even if I have to buy the entire fall Armani line to make it up to you."

Kurt smiled. "No, no, go, you'll be back in a few weeks, I'll be _fine. _Just get everything settled in Paris, and I'll be here waiting for you to come back."

Josh laughed. "You really are too perfect. I thought you'd be _super _upset about this. I mean after I missed your birthday last year—you didn't talk to me for days!"

Kurt chuckled, "I was kind of a diva wasn't I?"

"I love that about you." Josh replied, leaning over to kiss Kurt on the forehead. "I'll call you when I land okay?"

Kurt nodded and escorted Josh to the front door where his driver was waiting to help carry Josh's bags downstairs.

"Bye." Kurt said, waving as Josh made his way down the hall to the elevator.

* * *

><p>A few days had passed since Josh had left—and this was completely a spontaneous thing. Sort of. Kurt knew Blaine was busy, with his gallery showing and all that jazz, but quite frankly, Kurt was <em>really <em>starting to miss him. Paying him a surprise visit couldn't hurt—could it?

Kurt and Blaine didn't meet up too often maybe once or twice every two weeks or so. They were both incredibly busy, but they tried to make the most out of the time they were actually able to spend together. Kurt had though that since Josh was gone for a couple of weeks, it would be an opportunity for them to meet up without all the secrecy and hiding—they could just, _be, _without having to worry, but it correlated perfectly with one of Blaine's busiest time of the year.

Kurt had figured that _maybe _it'd be a nice idea to drop by Blaine's art gallery exhibit. Just as a viewer or a humble art appreciator—something casual like that.

* * *

><p>Kurt stepped into the exhibit hall, a bit taken aback by the enormity of the room. The walls of the hall were painted completely white, magnifying the works of art hanging up on the walls, displayed for all to see. There were many people walking about, looking at the paintings and talking in hushed voices to one another.<p>

Kurt took a deep breath as he walked in, taking in the sights around him. He was quite amazed by the beauty of all the works of art. He could see other artists talking to potential buyers about their own pieces, while other spectators walked around drinks in hand, making small talk with other on-lookers.

Kurt walked around, toward the back of the exhibit hall when one painting in particular caught his eye. It was the colorful one he'd seen in Blaine's apartment a few months ago. The bright abstract figures seemed to pop out against the white walls. Kurt stopped in front of the painting, admiring each individual brush stroke when—

"Kurt?"

Kurt turned around to see Blaine's head cocked to the side, looking at Kurt, a surprised expression on his face.

Kurt stared at Blaine, who was dressed in a simple black suit, and sporting a cleanly shaved face, standing beside a tall blonde man.

"Kurt? What are you um, what are you doing here?" Blaine asked, his eyes looking shifty as he looked between Kurt and the tall man beside him.

Kurt stood there, unsure of what to say.

"This is Kurt?" The blonde asked Blaine, smiling at Kurt. "Wow, you really captured him well."

Kurt looked puzzled. "Captured…?"

"Hey! I'm Danny! Nice to finally meet you!" Danny said with a smile, sticking out his hand to Kurt.

Kurt, still rather confused, took it cautiously, trying not to wince under Danny's powerful grip.

Danny wasn't _anything _Kurt would have expected, if he'd been expecting anything at all. It was hard for Kurt to describe him in words. Sex on legs. Yes, _that,_ was probably the closest Kurt would get. He had a remarkably toned figure, outlined by his terribly tight shirt, and equally, if not tighter jeans, and a face that would make anyone, and Kurt meant _anyone_ swoon. Kurt observed how his tousled blonde hair fell slightly in his eyes—his bright green eyes—like some model out of a fashion magazine.

"Blaine's told me a lot about you!" Danny said, turning to nudge Blaine, who seemed to be frozen in a daze.

"Really?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow to Blaine with the _whatthehelldidyoutellhim_ kind of glare.

"Well…no, but it seemed like a cliché type of thing people say to their fiancé's friend—er…model? I'm not sure…Blaine actually _doesn't _talk about you. I've only seen a few of Blaine's painting and sketches of you." Danny replied with a laugh, as he watched Kurt's tense face relax a bit.

"Oh." Kurt replied dumbly, unsure of what to say next.

Blaine cleared his throat, in an attempt to break the awkward silence. "Well um, are you uh…are you enjoying the show?"

Kurt opened his mouth to say something, but after a few seconds of consideration, just nodded, and let his eyes drop to stare at the pavement. "Yeah, it's really…amazing."

"Isn't it? Blaine's a real talented artist!" Danny said. He leaned over to whisper into Kurt's eye in a pretend hushed voice, "I honestly think he's the best artist in here…and it's not just because we've slept together"

Blaine turned bright red, pulling Danny back to his side. "Danny!"

Kurt laughed drying, feeling incredibly awkward.

A man in a dark suit came and tapped Blaine on the shoulder. "Mr. Anderson, Mr. Miller, there are some clients who'd like to speak to you. I think they're interested in buying one of your pieces."

Blaine cleared his throat, and looked to Kurt with the , face, and nodded to the man behind him.

"Right, thank you Gale, I'll be with them in a moment.

Kurt forced a laugh, "Go, go, I should be leaving anyways."

Danny smiled and patted Kurt on the shoulder. "Nice meeting you Kurt. Maybe we can all go out for a drink or something sometime?"

Kurt nodded politely, "Uh, yeah, sounds good."

He was so genuine, so nice, and—Kurt sighed—not too easy on the eyes. Kurt hated it, hated how much he would probably like Danny if he wasn't Blaine's fiancé.

"Uh, I'll be on my way then." Kurt said, awkwardly waving and walking back toward the art hall's exit.

What the _hell_ was that? Kurt asked himself as he walked out into the cool New York air, cursing himself for coming and for feeling that tiny sliver—okay huge sliver—of jealousy. He knew showing up like this was a bad idea. He was _never_ going to do this again, it was stupid, and reckless, and—

"Kurt!" Blaine yelled after him breathlessly, bolting out the door and running after Kurt.

"Blaine?" Kurt yelped in surprise, as he turned around to see the shorter man behind him, eyes darting back to see if Danny was following.

"What are you—"

"Sorry. It's just, I—someone wanted to—" Blaine gasped, trying to catch his breath.

"No, no, I probably should have known. I should have called or whatever. I just…" Kurt stared down at the carpet. "I don't know—I kind of missed you."

Blaine looked around the empty courtyard in front of the exhibit hall before taking both of Kurt's hands in his. "I missed you too. I—I hate doing this. This sneaking around, it's just—it's not right."

Kurt sighed letting his hands fall from Blaine's grasp. "I know. But what can we do?"

Blaine looked back to the main door of the hall. "Look, I'm so sorry about this."

Kurt nodded, turning to leave, "No, I get it, it's my fault I shouldn't have—"

Blaine reached out to grab Kurt's shoulder, "Wait!"

Kurt glanced back at Blaine.

"Stay the night with me tonight."

Kurt's mouth fell open. "Wh-what?"

"Please. Stay with me tonight. You said Josh was away for a few weeks, and Danny is going to visit his sister for the weekend…I miss you."

Kurt stared at Blaine. He and Blaine hadn't spent the night together since that rainy night almost 3 months ago. "You want me to—to spend the…"

Blaine turned to look at the main entrance, where the art gallery director, Gale, was waiting for him, gesturing for him to hurry up.

Blaine cupped Kurt's face in his hands, looking into his bright blue eyes. "I have to go, okay? I'll see you tonight?"

Kurt nodded weakly, and watched as Blaine jogged back into the Art hall, glancing back at Kurt one last time before disappearing back into the building.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Here's the next chapter! I tried to get it out as soon as possible (: I just needed to edit it and stuff. Anyways, thanks for all the kind reviews, and stuff ^.^ All of my readers are just amazing, amazing people, and I love you all! Thanks so much for still sticking with this story, means the world to me!**

**The angst really starts after this chapter (after some necessary fluff…), so brace yourselves! Haha (: **

**I love my OC Danny…I don't know how you guys feel about him but…anyways! This chapter was kinda hard to write…I envisioned the end of this chapter several different ways, but after replaying each different scenario in my head, I decided this was the best way…I guess…T_T **

**Reviews = LOVE!**

*****Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of its fabulous characters!**

* * *

><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were<strong>

**Chapter 9**

It was rare occurrence for Blaine to get Kurt for the night—the _entire _night. With the secret meetings, and all the sneaking around, it was difficult for the two to find time to just _be._ Whether it was just simply a night in to watch a movie, a long conversation that wasn't interrupted by a phone call, a forgotten appointment, or constricted time—which was almost always a problem. _This_…it was nice.

* * *

><p>"<em>Please. Stay with me tonight. You said Josh was away for a few weeks, and Danny is going to visit his sister for the weekend" Blaine had said. "…I miss you."<em>

_There was this sort of connection between the two, as Blaine cupped Kurt's face in his hands, their eyes locked on each other, as if they knew what each other were thinking, without ever having to utter a single word. _

_Kurt remembered Blaine's bright hazel eyes, softly begging him to agree, to spend the night together, alone—just the two of them._

_Kurt nodded weakly, feeling the whirl of emotion mixing around in his head. _

_Kurt stood in the courtyard for a few moments, just listening to the hustle and bustle of the busy New York streets behind him. The familiar sounds of honking, and sirens buzzing in his ear. All the noise seemed to jolt him back into a reality. _

"_I miss you too." Kurt whispered, but Blaine was long gone—disappeared back into the art hall. _

_Kurt smiled, as he turned to walk back to the street. He was going to spend the night with Blaine. He could feel a weird fluttering in his stomach—how is that Blaine still had this effect on him? After so many years?_

* * *

><p>And here they were, Blaine leaning against the headboard of his bed, with Kurt, asleep on his lap. The dim atmosphere of the apartment was comforting and warm, with Blaine's paintings scattered around the walls and floors, the half-finished canvases adorning the floor as usual.<p>

Blaine could hear the soft even breaths of Kurt's breathing, and smell the leftovers of the abandoned take out cartons on the night stand. The ending credits to "Rent" was playing on the TV. He let his fingers slip playfully into Kurt's thick brown hair, his other hand gently outlining his jaw, never touching with more than a fingertip.

"The movie's over babe." Blaine said, ducking down to whisper into Kurt's ear.

All he got in return was a barely audible groan from Kurt, as he snuggled back into the warmth of Blaine's lap.

Blaine smiled. Even though it was just for a few more hours, Kurt was _his. _They were together—away from the rest of the world—hiding in this cozy little loft.

This was one of the first times in a long while that Blaine allowed himself to actually _look _at Kurt. Actually Look at the flawless, beautiful being lying right beside him. This was the boy who'd made him believe in love, the boy who captured his heart—the only boy he'd ever _truly_ fell in love with.

Blaine blinked in his realization. Wait—Kurt was the _only _person he'd ever truly fallen in love with?

Blaine shook his head, and picked up the TV remote, flipping the movie off. That couldn't be right—he loved Danny didn't he?

Kurt let out a soft snore, shaking Blaine out of his thoughts—and honestly, that was so cute, Blaine couldn't help but let the corners of his mouth lift up into a smile.

He cleared his mind and snuggled into the bed, wrapping his arms around Kurt, who groaned quietly, and nuzzled himself closer against Blaine's warm chest.

"Goodnight Kurt," Blaine whispered, planting one last kiss on Kurt's head before drifting asleep.

* * *

><p>Saturday morning, the sun was shinning into the small apartment, spreading its warm beams onto the two lovers buried deep beneath the sheets and blankets strewn on top of the bed.<p>

Kurt stretched out his long limbs, untangling himself from Blaine, whose arms had somehow found themselves wrapped around Kurt's waist sometime during the night.

"Blaine…?" Kurt asked sleepily as he nudged the sleeping figure beside him.

A muffled groan came from beneath the covers.

"Blaaaaainnneee…" Kurt tried again, running his fingers teasingly down Blaine's neck and down to outline his collarbone.

Blaine rolled over, and opening his eyes, an obvious grin stretching across his face. "Hi." He said sleepily, pulling Kurt down into a sloppy kiss.

"Morning breath, Blaine!" Kurt blushed, pulling away.

Blaine raised a mischievous eyebrow, grinning as he let out a playful growl and pounced on Kurt, flipping him over on the bed, and pinning him down.

Kurt giggled as Blaine attacked him with little kisses, tickling Kurt's sides. "Blaine!" Kurt pleaded in between giggles, "Blaine! No! Wait! Stop!"

Blaine paused for a moment, and looked down at Kurt, his grin softening into a smile. Blaine hovered a few inches above Kurt's face and whispered, "I love you," before dipping down for a deep kiss, surprising Kurt, who's face flushed even more.

* * *

><p>They laid there on the bed, neither wanting to get up, refusing to leave the warmth of the covers.<p>

"I wish I could stay in this moment forever." Kurt sighed.

"Hmm…Me too." Blaine hummed, trailing soft kisses down Kurt's neck, nipping at his shoulder, sending shivers down Kurt's back.

Kurt grinned, and rolled over to face Blaine.

"I wish I could just be with you forever…" Blaine murmured, scooting closer to Kurt to peck him gently on the lips.

Kurt smiled hesitantly. "Forever?"

Blaine smiled, brushing Kurt's cheek with his thumb. "Mhmm…let's grow old together."

"Grow old together?" Kurt said with a laugh, squirming under Blaine's touch.

"We could get a big house together, with a big porch, and a nice backyard. And a—um…a white picket fence and umm…" Blaine replied, knitting his eyebrows together as he tried to think of other things.

Kurt laughed, and ran his fingers through Blaine's tousled hair. "The American dream…you seem to have put a lot of thought into this."

Blaine's eyes lit up, "Oh! We'll definitely have to get a German shepherd or something, to tie the whole thing together." Blaine said grinning at Kurt's look of utter amusement.

"German Shepherd? Wow…you _have _put a lot of thought into this. But gosh, no! You know those shed like crazy right?" Kurt said, playing along. "No way will I have all that dog hair ruining our _future_ white leather sofas. Maybe a cute little Pomeranian or something, I could dress it up and carry it in one of those obnoxious oversized bags."

"Ooooh, sounds sexy." Blaine teased, sliding his hands down Kurt's waist.

"Shut up!" Kurt retorted, playfully tossing a pillow at Blaine's face.

"Oh, this means war Hummel!" Blaine growled again, jumping on Kurt, pressing him under his strong arms.

Kurt squealed as Blaine tickled him, squirming, trying to escape his grasp.

* * *

><p>Sure, Blaine cared about Danny. He cared about him a lot, and even thought he <em>loved<em> him on some days, but there was always something missing—something that never felt quite right. He knew what love felt like. He knew that weird fluttery feeling in the pit of your stomach, or that tingling sensation you felt whenever you were with that special person. He knew that feeling down to a tee. And Blaine…well, Blaine…he loved _Kurt_.

Blaine had _always_ loved Kurt. It was something that he'd known in the back of his heart all these years. He'd tried—tried to find someone to fill that hole in his heart he'd had since he and Kurt had broke up so, so many years ago but…you never forget your first love. I mean—how do you _forget _Kurt Hummel?

Blaine couldn't deny that fuzzy feeling whenever he was around Kurt. Yeah, they weren't usually together for a long period of time, and they didn't share too much conversation as they raced to see who could tear their clothes off faster—but it wasn't about the sex anymore…it never really _was _about the sex for Blaine.

He liked the _after _part. The part where they talked and cracked jokes, when they laid there together, enjoying that comforting silence, knowing that even though no words were exchanged, they both knew exactly what was on each other's minds. Sometimes if they were lucky they could steal some time to meet up for coffee, but Blaine knew those moments were incredibly rare—he enjoyed them when he could.

* * *

><p>"Was this really necessary?" Kurt asked, rubbing the bright red hickey below his jaw as he stared at it in Blaine's bathroom mirror.<p>

Blaine stepped behind Kurt, looping his arm around his slender waist, and resting his chin on Kurt's shoulder. "Sorry. I'll try and be more careful next time," Blaine said with a smirk.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Now I'll have to coordinate scarves into my wardrobe for the rest of the week. Lucy's been onto me for weeks now."

Blaine chuckled as planted a chaste kiss on Kurt's neck. "I'm sorry…I can't help myself. Besides, you bruise too easily."

Kurt snorted, "Yes Blaine, this is _entirely _my fault."

Blaine's nose nuzzled against Kurt's jaw. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

Kurt smiled, and turned to kiss Blaine on the cheek, before walking back into the bedroom to gather his things.

"Well, I guess the fun's over now." Kurt called over his shoulder to Blaine who was now splashing cold water onto his face. "Your Danny's coming back tonight…I suppose we'll have to go back to meeting in hotels, and sneaking time in the office again."

Blaine could tell Kurt was joking about it, but it still pained him to hear Kurt talk so casually about their "affair" but, it _was _supposed to be casual. Right? Blaine sometimes wondered whether Kurt was feeling _more, _wondered if he saw this as more than just "fun," like he did. This wasn't just a little "fling" to Blaine anymore—but it was hard to tell with Kurt.

Blaine cleared his throat and leaned against the bedroom doorway as Kurt gathered his stuff.

"What happened to our white picket fence and German Shepherd idea?" Blaine said in a half serious voice, hoping Kurt didn't catch his slight tone of disappointment.

Kurt laughed. "When did I agree to the German Shepherd?"

Blaine sighed, and helped Kurt gather his things. "You are a dream crusher Kurt Hummel." Blaine said, playfully nudging Kurt.

Kurt looked at Blaine. There was something wrong, but Kurt just couldn't quite put his finger on it. "Blaine…are you okay?"

Blaine quickly plastered a grin on his face, and shook his head—a little too vigorously. "No, no, just—just sad to see you leave."

Kurt nodded slowly, not quite believing Blaine. "Okay…"

"Do you want anything to eat?" Blaine called as he shuffled his way into the kitchen to make some breakfast.

* * *

><p>Danny yawned as he stumbled out of his cab. He'll think twice about spending the night with his twisted sister and demon-spawn kids. Was having a decent conversation too much to ask? It was like ever since he told her he was getting married, she could <em>not <em>shut up about how awful the whole idea was.

Sarah was just _so _opinionated. It was always "why do you have to marry him Danny? He has no money…you could do so much better, Danny" or "Are you still carrying all the weight in that relationship, Danny?" and the ever so often, "Why the hell isn't _He _here…the least he could do is come and spend some time with his future sister in law, Danny." Danny _this, _Danny, _that. _Ohmygod.

Danny thought he could last the entire weekend…but he could barely survive the night. Somewhere between Sarah's eldest kid Hunter's night terrors, and her toddler's late night crying sessions, Danny had fled. He couldn't take the nagging, or the crying or the constant screaming. Nope, he was going back to Brooklyn.

It was almost 11AM when the cab skidded to a halt in front of Blaine's apartment building. Danny would have gone back to his place for a quick power nap and a shower first, but he seemed to have left his key—along with his wallet and favorite leather jacket at Sarah's…which means he'd have to go back…_shudder._

Danny walked into the main lobby, his eyes still feeling heavy from a sleepless night. He stumbled into the elevator, leaning against the wall. He was too lazy to press the door close button, opting to just wait the extra few seconds for it to close automatically when—wait.

Danny squinted as he stared out the elevator, and into the lobby. Was that—was that that Kurt fellow he'd met at the art gallery? He could see that slightly familiar figure walking across the lobby and exit the front door, carrying an overnight bag.

Just as Danny stepped forward to get a closer look, the elevator buzzed and the automatic doors closed, taking Danny up to the 4th floor.

Danny rubbed his eyes. _Was _that from the art gallery? If it was…why was he here this early in the morning? And the overnight bag—what was up that?

Danny sighed, thinking back to the maroon shirt he'd found a couple weeks ago on the washing machine. Wait—that couldn't be…?

Danny was tired…he was probably jumping to conclusions. He drowsily walked down the hallway down to Blaine's loft, and knocked loudly on the door.

Blaine opened the door, "Did you forget some—"

"Hey." Danny said, his eyes barely staying open at this point.

Blaine looked startled, but ushered Danny in, helping him to the couch.

"Rough night at Sarah's?" Blaine asked distractedly, his eyes darting to the two sets of plates littered on the kitchen counter.

Danny nodded, "Isn't it always?" he murmured, closing his eyes and sinking into the comfy old couch.

Blaine looked a little flustered, but Danny was too tired to think. Soon he drifted off, snoring softly, clutching one of Blaine's throw pillows to his chest.

* * *

><p><em>Two Weeks Later…<em>

Kurt stared at the spread sheets in front of him, poking at his soup absent-mindedly.

Josh had returned right before the biannual Milan Fashion week. And they both—being in the fashion business—had a lot of work to do.

Kurt himself wasn't going to Milan this year, it was time to give one of the workers a chance this year. As much as he loved it, all the fashion, the glamour the excitement, he knew he'd be too busy with the magazine already, juggling fashion week and the editorials would be too much, even for him.

Josh, whose work was focused in Paris and New York, usually got a break this time of year, when all press shifted to Italy.

Kurt though—hadn't rested in days. For the next two weeks, Kurt pretty much relied on coffee, and his secretary slash assistant Lucy to help him get through it all alive.

He had interviews with all the major designers of the world lined up. Reviews of the lineups to read, review, and edit. He was constantly web-chatting and calling with the _Vain _representatives currently stationed in Milan. This was one of the biggest events of the year.

Kurt hadn't been in touch with Blaine let alone even _seeing _him since that night he'd spent the night at his place almost two weeks ago.

It was quite a reality check when Blaine finally called him, pulling him out of his work induced coma.

* * *

><p>"<em>Blaine?" <em>Kurt answered, his voice obviously exhausted.

"_Hey Kurt…I know it's late…I just can't stop thinking about you." _

Kurt smiled, despite the fatigue. "_I'm sorry I haven't called or anything. Fashion Week." _

Blaine chuckled, _"I'm not sure what that is but…sounds intense."_

"_You have no idea Blaine Anderson…no idea."_

* * *

><p>It was <em>really <em>late, who was Blaine talking to? Danny thought. He'd gotten up to grab a glass of water, and heard Blaine murmuring to someone on the phone in his studio.

Danny walked over to the studio doorway, furrowing his eyebrows. _Kurt? _

He probably shouldn't be eavesdropping, but…he was _really _starting to get suspicious.

* * *

><p>"<em>How long do I have to wait till this whole Fashion Week thing is over? I want to see you." <em>Blaine sighed into the phone.

"_Haha, well it's this week, but I'll probably be busy next week too, getting Vain ready for publishing. It sells like mad after all the Fashion Weeks."_

Blaine laughed softly into the phone, _"Wow…"_

"_Maybe I can find time to meet you on Thursday? Sometime in the afternoon? We can_ _meet at the Marriott or something, I'll reserve a room."_

Blaine raised an eyebrow. _"Wait so…we're actually going to meet in a hotel? Kurt Hummel! How cliché!" _

Kurt scoffed, _"Take it or leave it Anderson…I'm not really in the mood to get caught with my pants around my ankles in the middle of my kitchen again." _

Blaine smiled, _"Alright, alright, Marriott it is—but don't you dare make me feel cheap—you have to order room service or something…and wine. I want wine."_

"_Fine, we'll get you a Marriott cheeseburger and some wine. I gotta go, people to call, I'll see you Thursday!"_

"_Yeah, yeah, okay. Bye Kurt." _Blaine said, chuckling as he flipped the phone shut.

"Blaine?"

Blaine jumped, as his head swiveled around to see Danny leaning against the doorway, his face completely unreadable.

Blaine could feel his face go pale. _Shit, shit, shit, shit…shit. How long has he been standing there?_

"Danny…"

Blaine could feel Danny's piercing green eyes staring daggers at him, waiting for him to explain.

Blaine could feel beads of sweat forming on his head. "Umm…"

Danny wasn't one to ignore the elephant in the room. He poked it with a giant stick.

"You're sleeping with him…aren't you?"

Blaine looked down at his hands. "Danny…It isn't—"

"Save it. You are aren't you?"

Blaine swallowed, trying hard to avoid Danny's icy glare. Blaine had a million thoughts racing in his mind. What was he supposed to say? Does he deny it? Does he apologize? Does he try to convince Danny that it was all a mistake? What…what does he do?

Blaine took a deep breath, "I love him," he said simply—not knowing what else to do.

Danny clenched his fists together, and was trembling slightly from anger. "You…You…Love him?"

Danny hated himself in this moment. How could he not have seen it? The sketches, the shirt, the way Blaine avoiding talking about him. That morning he saw Kurt at the building with the overnight bag…how could he be so stupid?

Blaine sighed and stood up, walking over to take Danny's hands in his.

"Don't." Danny said coldly, pushing Blaine's hands away, and turned away. "Just…don't."

"I'm sorry…" Blaine whispered.

"Me too…" Danny said bitterly, walking to the bedroom.

Blaine watched from the doorway as Danny threw his items into the bag he kept at Blaine's place. Blaine could see the pain, anger, and betrayal in Danny's eyes. His usual bright green eyes were pale and hazy—glazed with forming tears.

Danny paused for a moment, and looked up at Blaine. "Just tell me why. Tell me why you did this. Was I nothing to you? Just some idiot you thought you could just string along? I don't fucking get it Blaine. _You _asked me to marry you. _You _told me you loved me. _You _said we'd be together forever. It was all a lie wasn't it?"

Blaine felt like he'd just been pierced in the heart. "Danny, I did—no, I _do _love you. It's just…"

Danny looked at Blaine expectantly, his eyes slightly narrowed.

"He just…he's…"

Danny sighed, and rubbed his eyes. "I get it."

Blaine could feel his own tears welling up in his eyes. "Danny, I never meant to hurt you, it just…got out of control."

Danny turned and glared at Blaine. "What? As long as you never _meant to _everything's supposed to be fucking okay? I can't believe this. I just—how could you…?"

Blaine stared down at the floor.

Danny clenched his fists and pushed past Blaine out of the bedroom. "I hope he's worth it Blaine."

Blaine followed Danny to the front door.

Danny opened the door, turning to look at Blaine one last time, his green eyes burning with anger, glistening with forming tears. He reached around his neck, and took off the chain with the silver band hanging off the end, and forced it into Blaine's hands. "I really, _really, _hope he's worth it."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note: Oh my goodness you guys. The reviews for my last chapter were some of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. I kind of squealed and did a little happy dance every time I got a new review or favorite alert! You people are amazing and I can't thank you enough! I will never stop writing for you guys! As long as you want it, imma bring it! ^.^**

**Sorry this chapter took so long to come out, I've been having some writer's block, and I felt like I was making the scenes too choppy and weird. I'll update soon!**

**I'm really self-conscious about this chapter (I don't think I wrote it well enough to capture all the emotion i imagined in my head). Feedback would be AMAZING! Let me know if it was okay, or if you hated it. If you hated it, how could I improve? Comments, and suggestions are always welcome! If you have a question, leave a review**, and i'll reply! (:

**Just a liiitle warning, it gets pretty angsty from here on out...and a few of you might hate me a little bit (sorry!) but stay with me even if you hate me okay? IT'S NOT THE END TIL I SAY IT'S THE END! Besides, we still have some chapters ahead of us, so don't fret (:**

**I love Klaine, so much that it hurts. Keep that in the back of your mind okay? No matter what happens, keep that in the back of your mind!**

**REVIEWS = LOVE!**

*****Disclaimer: I do not own glee or any of its wonderful characters**

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><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were<strong>

**Chapter 10**

Blaine stared blankly up at the ceiling, as he laid there on his living room floor, dozens and dozens of sketches littering the floor around him. He could hear the sounds of taxi drivers honking and distant sirens humming out in the street. The sunlight was streaming through the misty glass windows of the Brooklyn loft, shining right onto the artist's expressionless face.

The phone rang—seventh time that morning. Another desperate voice message flooded the silent room.

_"Blaine freaking Anderson! I don't what the hell you think you're doing but you cannot seriously be skipping your own gallery showing! I know you've skipped out on some incredible exhibits but missing 3 nights in a row—what the hell is going on with you? And answer your goddamned phone! I may be in my right mind to go over there and kick your—"_ Cynthia's voice screamed out loud and clear, echoing through the loft before being cut off by the answering machine with a beep.

Blaine sighed and squeezed his eyes shut.

Not two minutes later, the phone rang again. Blaine groaned and rolled over on the hardwood flooring of the living room, crushing a few sketches underneath him.

_"You motherfu— I cannot believe you! You bastard! Why don't you man the hell up and face this instead of hiding in your little apartment wallowing in shame! I always knew you were a weirdo. You artists all are. I don't know what the hell Danny saw in you. If I weren't such a constrained person—"_

Blaine scoffed, his face pressed against the floor, as Sarah's voice rang through the apartment. Constrained my ass...this was what? The 4th message? Maybe 5th she'd left this morning alone

_"I swear to God Anderson! You are going to pay for this! I don't care if I have to—"_

Blaine laughed dryly as the answering machine beeped and cut off Sarah's horrendous screeching.

Blaine sat up slowly, moaning as he felt the jolts of pain in his back and shoulders from lying on the floor half the night. He shuffled to the bathroom, stepping on several drawings on the way.

Blaine shuddered as he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His eyes had dark circles under them from lack if sleep. Stubble had begun to grow back on his face from lack of shaving over the last few days. His hair was unruly, tangled beyond belief, and his usually bright hazel eyes were dull and pained.

He quickly splashed some cold water on his face, feeling the tingling sensation of the water waking him up.

Blaine walked back into the living room, rolling his eyes as he stepped over more of his sketches. He'd become some kind of weird neurotic freak artist over these past few days. He couldn't do anything but draw and paint. He felt lost, confused—incomplete.

So Blaine did what he did best when he felt like this—he buried himself in his work.

Blaine sighed as he bent down to pick up one of his sketches. _Kurt_

They were all Kurt. Even when he tried to draw something else, it turned into Kurt. He could've drawn a fucking tree and it would have turned into Kurt.

Blaine shook his head as he looked at all the half finished sketches, each one with its own distortion. A line slashed through it, a giant cross dragged across it. Some were crumbled and tossed in a corner, while others were completely torn apart and left scattered around the floor. It was literally _painful_ to Blaine—how the one thing he wanted to draw, to paint most...was pretty much physically impossible for him to do. He couldn't understand why, he just...he couldn't do it...

Blaine couldn't bare it. He needed Kurt, _Desperately_. Kurt was on his mind _all_ the time. Every moment, every single second—all Blaine could think about was Kurt. Blaine felt like he was going crazy...what was he supposed to do?

Was he supposed to beg Kurt to leave everything, and just run away with him? Could he ask him to just leave his fiancé, forget about everything, and just...choose him instead?

Blaine had to tell him—he had to tell him! He had to tell him that he wasn't going to say "I do" to Danny. He had to tell him he didn't _want_ to say "I do" to Danny regardless of the circumstance. And as selfish as it sounded, Blaine didn't love the idea of Kurt belonging to anyone else but him.

Blaine sighed leaning against the hallway wall, slowly sliding down into a crouching position, and squeezed his eyes shut. How could he...how _would_ he say that?

Blaine had screwed it up. He went and got attached. He—he blew it! The agreement was that they could—what? Mess around for a little while? Get it out of their systems until they got hitched to the people they were _supposed _to be with? What was he thinking? He could never settle for just the physical. He was ridiculous for ever believing he could!

Blaine sunk into the living room couch. He was going to tell Kurt. He was—he was going to tell Kurt everything. He had to. It was the only way if they were ever going to have a chance.

* * *

><p>Kurt flipped through the catalog hesitantly, shifting in his chair. He looked up at Josh, who was standing behind him, every few moments, trying to see what he thinking.<p>

"How about this one?" he said finally, raising his eyebrows and pointing at a photo in the catalog.

"Whatever you want babe," Josh replied, and he rested his hands on Kurt's shoulders and squeezed them gently.

Kurt groaned. "I want these ones, but the violet would go so much better with the wallpaper in the reception hall!"

"Kurt!" Josh laughed, "It's just a center piece, I don't think people will care what color flowers are in the middle of their tables while they eat!"

Kurt pretended to glare at Josh, who was grinning amusingly down at him.

"Fine," Kurt decided, pointing out the simple violet rose center piece with the white lace around it, "Carrie, I want these."

The redheaded wedding planner smiled and picked up the catalog.

"Excellent! Should we move on to cake selection then? It's always my favorite part!" Carrie said, smiling brightly at Kurt and Josh.

Josh chuckled. "Here goes another 45 minutes of my life I'll never get back."

"Shut up! This wedding needs to be—and _will_ be perfect!" Kurt said, playfully rolling his eyes at Josh, before turning back to the table where Carrie was arranging an assortment of different slices of cake on the table for the pair to taste.

Josh leaned down and kisses Kurt on the cheek. "As long as you're _there_, it will be."

Kurt laughed softly, "Such a charmer you are Mr. Peterson."

Kurt's phone started to vibrate loudly on the table.

Kurt jumped, surprised by the sudden sound . He quickly excused himself outside, leaving Josh eyeing hungrily at the double chocolate tiramisu cake with chocolate mousse filling.

* * *

><p>"Blaine?" Kurt answered, looking back into the kitchen, seeing Josh already poking his fork into one of the cakes.<p>

"_Hey, is this a bad time?"_ Blaine asked hesitantly.

"I um—no. Well yes, but…um, what's up?" Kurt replied, slipping out of the apartment, and leaning against the hallway wall.

"_I um—I was just calling to ask for the uh—the Thursday information."_ Blaine said softly, clearing his throat.

Kurt smiled. He'd booked that hotel room the moment he'd hung up the phone with Blaine the other week, and honestly he couldn't wait. It'd be nice to escape from all the work, the editorials, the new fall line reviews he needed to go over…and of course the wedding planning, and just spend some private time with Blaine.

Kurt cleared his throat, "Of course, um, it's room 394, on the 8th floor. Meet there 5ish? I should be able to stay for a while, I was supposed to meet a client for dinner, but it got cancelled so we have a good window of time."

Blaine bit his lip. He and Kurt were _really _starting to sound like a cheap hotel affair. Which Blaine supposed they kind of were, but the realization still hurt all the same.

"_Uh, great, I'll see you then. Um Kurt?"_

Kurt looked back down the hall to the penthouse door to make sure Josh hadn't wandered out to find him. "Yeah, Blaine?"

Blaine shook his head. No, he'd bring it up in person. _"Never mind, I'll just umm—I'll see you Thursday."_

Kurt smiled, "Okay, see you then."

"—_and Kurt? I—I love you."_ Blaine said softly, before hanging up the phone.

Kurt got that weird fluttery feeling in his stomach again. How come it happened every time Blaine said it? Josh has said it like a million times too, but…he didn't feel the tingly fuzzy feeling he did when Blaine said it.

"I love you too Blaine…" Kurt whispered back. His heart felt heavy, knowing full well that the man he was going to marry—the man he was _supposed_ to be saying he loved—was sitting on the other side of the wall, tasting cakes for their wedding.

Kurt closed the phone, slowly tucking it back into his pocket. He shook the thought out of his mind. No. He loved Josh, he…he definitely loved Josh. Josh was perfect, and Blaine was just—he was just fun. Right? Just a fling…to get it out of his system?

Kurt could feel tears starting to sting his eyes as he came to the realization. He was _getting married, _which meant—he and Blaine had to…stop. That was the deal wasn't it?

Kurt had gotten so carried away in this double life he was living, he forgot that all good things must come to an end, and that, he couldn't keep up this charade forever. He and Blaine both their significant others to think about, and whom they were both committed and in love with. He had to stop dwelling on fantasy, and finally face reality—

"Kurt? Is everything okay?" Josh called, poking his head out of the penthouse door.

"Uh, yeah! No, everything's fine! I'm coming!" Kurt called back from the hall, hoping Josh didn't catch the slight tremble in his voice, walking back to join his fiancé.

* * *

><p>Kurt didn't really know how to bring it up. <em>Blaine…we have to stop now, I'm getting married in two months. <em>Kurt shook his head, no, that wasn't it. _Blaine, it's time our…affair came to an end. _No, that wasn't it either. How was he supposed to say it?

Kurt's mind was racing with thoughts as he made his way through the quiet hotel lobby, adjusting his trench coat collar, and walking briskly to the elevators, the room key secure in his pocket.

Kurt knew this _thing _with Blaine wasn't going to last forever—but a part of him—a big part—wanted it to. Kurt knew he could never live with himself if he continued to cheat on Josh. Josh was such a sweet, kind, caring man. Just the past few months alone, Kurt had felt enough overwhelming guilt to last a lifetime. And quite frankly, he and Blaine both knew what they signed up for and…the time had come to end it. They'd both gotten it out of their systems—mostly—and now it was time to say…_goodbye. _They had their moment and now it was time to—

The elevators opened with a loud ding, startling Kurt out of his thoughts as he stepped on. Kurt could feel his heavy heart weighing him down, and the weird twists of his stomach making him feel uneasy.

He couldn't do this—not today.

Kurt could imagine Blaine's big hazel eyes staring at him with all that warmth and charm. How could he ever tell him he couldn't see him anymore? How could he say he never wanted to be held in his arms, touched by his hands, kissed by his lips…ever again?

Kurt could feel his breath hitch as the thought crossed him mind.

How was he going to tell him?

* * *

><p>Blaine paced the hotel room, as he waited for Kurt's arrival. Kurt had left him a key at the front desk and asked him to meet him in the room.<p>

Blaine knew that he had to tell Kurt about the Danny situation—he'd been putting it off for days…and he had to do it. He had to tell Kurt his true feelings, before it was too late.

Blaine himself didn't even really know where he and Kurt stood in their relationship—if it even _counted_ as a relationship. It was hard to believe they were still going by the same, casual get-it-out-of-our-systems agreement they'd made so many months ago. To Blaine, they'd been through too much, experienced too much—said too much for god sakes—for this to _still _be a fling.

Blaine couldn't help but think back to that night they spent together, snuggled under the covers, eating cheap take-out, and watching a movie—daydreaming about their future home with the big backyard and a porch. Not just some pipe dream you talk about once and disregard for the rest of your life. That was all _real _for Blaine. It was something he _wanted_ so badly.

Sure it was a long shot—but Blaine could dream couldn't he?

He continued pacing the room, consumed in his own thoughts when he heard the door click open.

Blaine jerked his head up to see Kurt slip into the room. They both froze, eyes locked on each other.

"Hey," Kurt said with a weak smile, shedding off his trench coat as he walked towards Blaine.

Blaine smiled back, hoping Kurt couldn't see the distress in his face as he greeted him.

It was weird being in a hotel. There was no hurry, no constant fear that someone would walk in unexpectedly. Neither of them was short on time, or had other obligations to attend to. For the first time in a long time—there was no rush. They weren't attacking each other, trying to rip off clothes, they weren't kissing each other hungrily, and hands were not flying to unzip zippers or unbutton shirts.

"We need to talk," they both said at the same time. They chuckled quietly, both walking forward to sit on the springy Marriott hotel bed.

"You go first," Blaine said nervously, fiddling with his hands.

Kurt bit his lip. Blaine was acting strange. He seemed tired, and his eyes were dark and hazy. Kurt hadn't seen Blaine like this in—in years.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked cautiously, lifting a hand to Blaine's cheek, turning his face to face him.

Blaine's cheek blazed where Kurt touched him, and he could feel his heart starting to beat faster. What the _hell _was wrong with him? He looked up to match Kurt's gaze. He could feel something was wrong. Kurt's eyes were glazed, and he was speaking too softly—something he rarely did, unless something was up.

"Blaine, hey, look at me," Kurt said softly, cupping Blaine's face with his hands and tilting his head up. Blaine's eyes are still dark, clouded with emotion, when Kurt leans in to kiss him gently. Blaine relaxes against Kurt's touch, moving closer, and pressing their bodies together.

Kurt's hands slide down Blaine's sides, gripping his shirt tightly. It was a soft kiss—but there was something desperate about it. It was gentle, yet hungry as they moved their lips together. Kurt could feel his eyes filling with tears and quickly blinked them away.

Blaine buried his face in Kurt's neck, nuzzling his nose against the soft smooth skin.

Kurt let out a sigh, as his eyes flutter shut, wrapping his arms tighter around Blaine, his fingers gripping the shirt tightly.

Blaine nosed his way down Kurt's neck, and pressed his head in the crook of Kurt's shoulder. "Wait…" he murmured, his breath hot against Kurt's skin.

Kurt stayed still, his head resting against Blaine's. "Hmm..?"

"Kurt," Blaine says, his voice low and warning, but Kurt ignores him as he pushes him backwards onto the hotel room bed, slowly working the buttons on his shirt.

Kurt didn't know what he was doing. Sex was the last thing on his mind—but it was what they did. Kurt couldn't tell him—not today anyways. His heart hurt just thinking about it. Kurt bit down on lip as he straddled Blaine, kissing down his collarbone.

"I can't," Blaine moaned, gently pushing Kurt back, his entire body stiff and tense from holding himself back. "Just—just wait…"

Kurt propped himself up, staring at Blaine with concern, "Blaine? Are you okay?"

Blaine paused for a moment, looking up at Kurt. Blaine could never stop admiring the way Kurt's cheeks slightly pinked when he was flushed, or how no matter what, his hair always seemed to always fall perfectly around his face—and those eyes…those beautiful, _beautiful _blue-green eyes.

"I um—" Blaine began. "I have to tell you some—something."

Kurt brushed a stray curl from Blaine's forehead, "Blaine what's wrong? Tell me."

Blaine's thoughts were all swirling in his mind at once. He had to say it, he had to bring it up now before it was too late. It was now or never.

Blaine could feel himself drowning in Kurt's soft gaze.

"Umm, never mind, it was nothing." Blaine said finally, his eyes looking away to avoid Kurt's concerned eyes.

Kurt tilted Blaine's head, gently making him look back up at him. "Blaine?" he asked again, noticing the obvious distress Blaine was in.

"No, really—it's not important…" Blaine said again, forcing a smile, and tugging Kurt down, kissing his lightly on the lips. "We can talk about it later."

* * *

><p>Kurt left that hotel room feeling worse than he had going in. He was a coward. He couldn't tell him. What the <em>hell <em>was his problem? He couldn't keep this lie going it was just hurting himself more and more as he let continue.

It was hard for Kurt to admit, but he'd fallen for Blaine _freaking _Anderson, and he didn't even know it happened until now. That fluttery feeling in his stomach every time he said _I love you. _The way his stomach did flips every time he grinned at him. How safe he felt in his strong arms, and the way he made him felt like the most beautiful person in the world—even on the days he knew he was a complete mess.

He was the guy who'd sing you an Elton John song just because you couldn't sleep. He was the guy who still blushed when you compliment him on his art. He was the guy who did that painfully sexy thing with his mouth and the coffee stirrer, without even knowing how badly he was teasing you.

He was _the guy_ that Kurt couldn't stop thinking about. The guy he loved…

But Kurt _couldn't _be in love with Blaine Anderson. He was supposed to be in love with Josh Peterson. He was supposed to be in love Mr. Perfection with the chestnut hair, and the caring disposition. He was supposed to get married and have the perfect life with the perfect man in the perfect home.

_Perfect Home, _Kurt thought, as he curled up in the dark empty penthouse. Josh was working late—again. And he was again alone in the big empty place. Thinking about that dark haired, hazel eyed boy he wasn't suppose to fall for—again.

* * *

><p>Blaine stared blankly at his living room floor. It was exactly as he'd left it—scattered in drawings, and sketches. Paint he'd spilled earlier in the morning had dried, their colorful remains staining the floor. The drawings of Kurt seemed to look up at him. The half completed figures seemed to mock him from where they were abandoned on the floor.<p>

Blaine collapsed onto a kitchen chair, resting his head on the cool wooden surface of the kitchen table.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't tell Kurt he was in love with him. He couldn't tell him he and Danny were over. Most importantly, he couldn't tell Kurt that he _wanted _him. That he wanted them to give it a shot—that they could _be _something.

It was a lot to ask a person, to leave everything, to give it all up for love. Leaving their significant other, their entire life with them, and be with someone else. How could Blaine ever ask him to do something like that? From the beginning they'd agreed to just be—what? Friends with benefits or something like that? Such bullshit. Did he really think he could do that? Was Kurt really _able _to do that?

Blaine stared absent-mindedly out the window. It'd be nearly impossible for he and Kurt to be together. He knew that—but goddammit—he wanted it _so _bad.

He wanted to hold Kurt's hand as they walked down the street. He wanted to take Kurt out to a nice restaurant, or sneak a kiss while they watched a movie in the theater. He wanted to go and see a Broadway musical, or share a pretzel in central park!

Blaine couldn't imagine a life without Kurt Hummel. It was too hard.

Blaine picked up the phone hesitantly, his fingers wavering over the _call_ button.

He knew he was asking for too much. It was quite possible that admitting all this to Kurt would mean he'd lose him forever. It could cost him this weird messed up relationship he had with him now. Kurt could never want to speak to him again—but he had to say something. He had to say something or Blaine's heart would physically break.

Blaine's hand pressed down on the green button, slowly raising the phone to his ear.

* * *

><p>"Kurt?" Blaine asked, surprised at how quickly Kurt had picked up.<p>

"Blaine! I was just about to call you—I umm…" Kurt's replied quickly, "I—I had something I needed to tell you."

"Me too." Blaine said, taking a deep breath.

"Blaine—I wasn't completely honest with you at the hotel today." Kurt blurted.

'Wait what?"

"I was going to tell you, but I—I didn't know how to say it." Kurt said softly, clutching the phone closer to his ear.

"No, I wasn't being honest either." Blaine said, "I've been meaning to tell you something too. Well two things really…I've been feeling _different_, like about you, I mean…about us. And things with Danny and I was meaning to tell you! But I didn't know how because I couldn't figure out what _we _were if we're really anything at all—not that we're nothing! Its just that—shit, I don't know what the hell I'm saying right now. Umm, what I meant was—look…remember that night when you stayed over, and we were talking about the porch and the fence and all of—damn it." Blaine was struggling to get the words out right.

Kurt waited as Blaine collected his thoughts. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Was Blaine about to say what he thought he was going to say? He couldn't…

"Look Kurt—what I'm trying to say is…that I'm not exactly—I don't think we're just casual anymore. I feel more…more…I feel well…_more. _I can't stop thinking about you—all the time! And I just…" Blaine sighed, letting out a shaky breath.

It all hit Kurt in an instant. Blaine loved him too? Who were they kidding? A casual fling? Really? They couldn't be in their right minds to think it would work. God! This couldn't be happening…

"Blaine." Kurt said softly, cutting off Blaine's stammering.

Blaine fell silent.

"Blaine," Kurt said again, his voice trembling, "Josh and I…we—we finally set a date…we're getting married in 2 months."

It was a long time before either of them spoke again. Blaine could hear Kurt's shaky breathing, on the other end, and he was positive Kurt could hear his own heavy breathing, as tried to get a grip on himself.

Kurt didn't expect this to hurt as much as it did. He could feel his whole body quivering as he waited for Blaine to say something—_anything_.

Was he mad? Was he upset? Did his heart hurt as much as Kurt's did right now? Were his eyes stinging from tears too? Why wasn't he saying anything? Say something…_please._

Kurt took the phone away from his ear, and covered his mouth with his hand, hoping he could control the wave of tears forming in his eyes. He was about to hang up the phone when he heard Blaine take a deep steady breath on the other end of the line.

"Kurt…" Blaine finally said, his voice was firm, but Kurt could still hear the slight tremble in his voice, "Me and Danny—we ended it…"

Kurt bit down on his bottom lip as he felt the dam break and the tears starting to roll down his cheek. "Wh—what?"

"I—I couldn't take lying to him anymore—lying to myself. I love _you _Kurt, and—and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't just settle for _this_…whatever it is... I love you—I _need you."_

Blaine couldn't hear anything but silence on the other end.

"Kurt?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: Hi Guys! Sorry for that cliff hanger in the last episode…I was just really tired that night, and I needed to wrap up the ending…it was rather cruel of me.! I hate when people leave off with those pesky cliffhangers! Anyways…angsty huh? I know…sorry. It continues…D:**

**The coffee shop scene in this was **_**obviously **_**inspired by the Glee season finale…I was like fangirling all over the place after that scene! Haha (:**

**To the one reader who asked if I read Dalton…YESSSS! Oh my goodness…I'm just absolutely OBSESSED with it! Goodness! Jogan, Rane, Klaine = AMAZING! I ADORE IT! And I've had a few goes with some Dalton drabbles, but I couldn't compare with daltonverse writers like forgivemeannabelle or storiesbycandlenight and shan at warblerland. I loveeee their fics (:**

**If you haven't read "Dalton" by CP Coulter already, please, please do! It's the Klaine fic of alllll Klaine fics 3 (along with some amazingly amazing OC's)**

**Anyways! Thanks for sticking with me for so long! Since it's summer time now, I'll be uploading a lot more often, and probably write a few more fics now and again (: My readers are amazing and I love you allll! **

**(just a little side note…I was totally listening to Alex Goot's cover of "Tale as old as Time" as I was writing that little flashback bit of last night's phone conversation—and I was soooooo tearing up as I typed! Haha!)**

**Reviews = LOVE!**

*****Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or its awesome characters!**

**We Aren't Who We Were **

**Chapter 11**

Kurt shifted uncomfortably in his seat. His eyes darting to the coffee shop entrance each time the bells atop the door jingled with each incoming customer. Where _was _he? Kurt wondered. Kurt had been nursing the same mocha latte for 15 minutes—though it felt like hours.

The café was bustling with the normal Friday morning customers. Couples were chatting over a plate of croissants, and a mug of coffee. Students were typing meticulously into their laptops as they wrote their papers. Businessmen engaged in some light conversations with their colleagues. Everything was as normal as can be—except for the exceptionally nervous brunette seated at a table in the back.

The door jingled again, and Kurt looked up. A sweet looking blonde woman walked in, her hand intertwined with an adorable girl of about 3 or 4.

Kurt sighed, and looked at his watch. _Why wasn't he here yet?_ Kurt felt like he was going crazy. His mind hadn't stopped spiraling since last night. He kept thinking about his conversation with Blaine last night, about his wedding plans—that tall dirty blonde, green eyed man Blaine had ended it with—it was all too much to get a hold of. So overwhelming! Kurt was surprised he was even able to dress and get himself down to the coffee shop this morning, his mind was so foggy.

He could still hear Blaine's voice in his head from the night prior, speaking in that quiet, low tone. Those words that make his heart go weak, and his stomach do little flips.

* * *

><p><em>"Kurt…Me and Danny—we ended it."<em>

_Kurt's heart was pounding so hard he could feel it beating in his throat._

_"I—I couldn't take lying to him anymore—lying to myself. I love you Kurt, and—and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't just settle for this…whatever it is... I love you—I need you."_

_Kurt couldn't breathe. What did Blaine say? He—he loved him? What did that mean? Why would he end it with Danny? Was it because of him? Kurt was dizzy, and the phone in his hand suddenly felt heavy. _

"_Kurt?" _

_Kurt fell back onto his living room sofa, his hand flying up to his mouth. What was he supposed to say? Blaine wants—Blaine wants them to be more? He wants them to be together? How could he—how could he even—? _

"_Kurt? Are—are you okay? I know this must be—"_

"—_What?" was all Kurt managed to choke out. _

_Kurt could hear Blaine take a deep breath before speaking again. _

"_I'm sorry Kurt. But—but I've given this a lot of thought, and as much as it hurts, I just can't do "this" anymore. I just—I can't. I can't do the private meetings, and quick hook-ups or whatever the fuck we're doing. I thought I could." Blaine paused for a moment before continuing, " Honestly, all I wanted from the beginning was to be with you, and if this was all I could get, then I was going to take it—whatever the circumstance but…things chance—feelings change, and I started to fall for you again..."_

_Kurt could feel the hot tears spill over and roll down his cheeks. _

"_Hell, I was falling for you that moment we were jammed into that damn elevator at your office. I love you…so much—but I can't. I can't settle for this. You're too important to me." Blaine sighed, "I don't want to be your secret. And—and It hurts too much to know you're—you're with him—You're getting married to him—that you're his." Blaine chuckled dryly, but Kurt could tell from the quiver in his voice Blaine was crying. "You're marrying him Kurt—and I just…I can't."_

_Kurt was frozen, his mind stopped, and it was like he'd forgotten how to breathe. _

"_I'm sorry Kurt." Blaine said softly._

_A million thoughts filled Kurt's mind in that moment. A million memories, a million words, a million kisses, a million laughs, a million "I love you's". It all hit Kurt in an instant. He remembered their first kiss in the Dalton common room. He remembered the first time they told each other they loved each other in that tiny little coffee shop in Lima, Ohio. He remembered everything. _

"_Wait!" Kurt called out breathlessly as Blaine was about to hang up. "Blaine, wait!" _

_Something in Kurt snapped upon hearing those words coming from Blaine. The reality of actually saying goodbye had never really occurred to Kurt. Blaine had done what he, himself, had been grilling himself over for days—he ended it. Just like that. _

_Kurt didn't expect his heart to hurt so much. He didn't expect to feel like his whole life was shattering. He definitely didn't expect to say what he did—but it happened. _

"_I—I don't want—I don't want to lose you." Kurt choked out, "I can't…lose you."_

* * *

><p>Kurt hadn't quite figured out what he was going to say when Blaine walked through that door. Last night was a giant blur of emotions and bad decisions, but Kurt couldn't deny what he said was true. He <em>couldn't <em>lose Blaine. He loved him too much to just let him walk away from—whatever it was they had.

Truth be told, Blaine was right. They couldn't keep up these secret meetings—it wasn't enough, and it never will be.

Blaine wanted the whole package. He wanted the real thing—and Kurt worried he wasn't brave enough to give it to him.

Kurt tossed and turned the whole night wondering if he could ever leave Josh. The thought had never really occurred to him. His life with Josh and his life with Blaine seemed like two completely separate entities that would never coincide with each other. But that wasn't true though—and Kurt had to make a decision.

Kurt sighed, and waved to a passing waiter, and ordered another mocha latte.

* * *

><p>Blaine paced back and forth in front of the small café. He could see Kurt sitting alone at a table through the big glass windows.<p>

Blaine should have walked in twenty minutes ago, but here he was—still lingering outside, trying to work up the courage to just _walk in. _

This was going to be it. This moment, this meeting, this conversation will either mark the end, or a new beginning. Blaine had laid all his feelings out there, and it was all on Kurt now, whether or not to accept them.

Blaine knew it wasn't easy for Kurt. He'd been in a relationship with Josh for nearly 3 years, and even though Blaine and Danny's relationship wasn't really considered _stable_, Blaine understood how painful it would be for Kurt to hurt him. Odds were, he and Kurt could end it all now. Kurt could tell him he couldn't be with him, and he could come out heartbroken.

Blaine took a deep breath and opened the door, the bells at the top the top jingling as he walked in. He immediately felt the warmth of the room as he stepped out of the cold New York weather and into the warm coffee shop, the strong aroma of freshly brewed coffee filling his senses.

His eyes locked on a pair of bright blue ones, and he could feel his own heart starting to pound faster and his palms starting to sweat, as he slowly made his way across the room.

Blaine couldn't tell from Kurt's expression what was about to happen, but he could feel his nerves starting to get to him as his stomach started twisting up.

Blaine rubbed the back of his neck hesitantly before pulling up a chair across from Kurt.

"Hey," Kurt said softly, his eyes falling slightly to stare down at the empty coffee mug in front of him.

Blaine smiled politely. "Hi Kurt."

* * *

><p>They looked at each other for a while, both unsure of what to say first. Kurt chewed on his bottom lip nervously, avoiding eye contact.<p>

"Your mocha latte, sir," a young waiter said, interrupting the silence, and placing a steaming mug of coffee in front of Kurt.

Kurt nodded and looked up. His breath hitched as his eyes caught Blaine's gaze. He was staring right at him—his hazel eyes were brighter than they'd ever been, almost glowing in the dimly lit café.

"Anything for you sir?" the waiter asked, looking to Blaine.

"Just a regular coffee, please," Blaine replied, his eyes never leaving Kurt.

They regressed back to silence once the waiter left. Kurt's eyes shifted to his new mug, his fingers lingering over the handle.

Blaine sighed, and reached across the table and took Kurt's hands in his.

"Kurt?" Blaine said softly, tilting his head to the side, trying to look into Kurt's eyes, which were busy staring intently at the porcelain mug in front of them.

Kurt looked up hesitantly, his heart racing a little faster as he felt Blaine give his hands a little squeeze.

"Look at me Kurt." Blaine said gently, rubbing his thumb in small circles over Kurt's knuckles. "It's okay. I'm not going to do anything. Let's just talk."

Blaine scooted his chair forward, furrowing his eyebrows, and took a deep breath before continuing.

"What I said last night—I meant. All of it. You and I know we can't do this anymore," Blaine smiled sadly. "—but that doesn't change how I feel about you, and I meant all of what I said about _that _too. But we need to settle this, before either of us gets hurt even more."

Kurt could feel a lump in his throat, and his eyes starting to sting. "I meant what I said too," He whispered, his voice trembling.

Blaine leaned closer to Kurt, lifting Kurt's hand that was intertwined with his, and placed a chaste kiss upon it. "I know Kurt, I know—but we can't do this anymore. Things have changed. We aren't who we were, as much as I wish we could be. Things change, people change—"

"But feelings don't change—at least not for us!" Kurt choked out, a hint of anger behind his words.

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, and sighed as his hands let go of Kurt's and moved up to rub over the stubble on his face.

"No. No they didn't." Blaine sighed, looking down at the table. "Which is why Danny and I broke up—I'm not expecting anything from you, because I know how difficult it was to admit the truth. It was painful for me to put Danny through that, and I know you and Josh have been together for a lot longer. This is _also _why…" Blaine took a deep breath, "I think it's best if we just—"

"No," Kurt said abruptly, "I _meant _what I said last night. I can't lose you Blaine."

Blaine wrinkled his eyebrows, "But Kurt—"

"I love you," Kurt sighed. "I couldn't sleep all night last night because I kept thinking about _you. _Hell, I haven't been able to sleep in days because after Josh and I set a date, I realized what we had—it was over. Every moment of every day I find myself constantly thinking about you, and—and about _us._"

Blaine looked up at Kurt, whose face was slightly flushed, and his eyes rimmed red from trying to keep back the tears that threatened to spill over.

"I'm not sure why it's taken me this long—maybe part of me just didn't want to accept it but—I am _totall_y, and _completely_ in love with you Blaine Anderson. I told myself over and over and _over_ again that I'd gotten over you—but in reality…I haven't. You're right. We were stupid to think we could do this, but we did it, and now we're here."

"I don't know what to do Blaine. I don't know what to do. All this time, I've crafted a perfect life for myself in my mind. And I pretty much got it down to a tee. I have the perfect job, and the perfect fiancé. I live in a beautiful uptown New York penthouse, with big white leather sofas, and Italian furnishings. Everything was _perfect. _I got everything I could ever have _dreamt _of back in Ohio." Kurt paused to take a shaky breath.

Blaine sat silently and watched as Kurt rambled on, his voice trembled as he spoke. And damn it—he was fucking _beautiful. _Blaine could tell how tired Kurt was from the dark circles under his eyes.

"—and now…all I can think about is _you. _You and your house with the white picket fence and the goddamned German shepherd—and—and…"

Kurt's usually bright blue-green eyes were hazy—glazed with tears. His lip quivered as he spoke, and his cheeks were pink from all the emotion rushing through him—and that's when—that's when Blaine leaned across the table and _kissed_ him.

* * *

><p>It was a soft kiss, Blaine's lips just barely pressing against Kurt's. Kurt's eyes fluttered shut, and Blaine could feel his eyelashes brush gently against his cheek.<p>

When Blaine pulled away, Kurt was staring at him, his mouth slightly ajar, blinking in shock.

Blaine smiled, "I love you too, Kurt."

"I—I umm…" Kurt stuttered.

The entire picture, Kurt and Blaine in the coffee shop—granted this place was bigger, served their beverages in actual mugs, and was in the middle of New York City—brought back the memories of the first time those words were ever uttered between them. _I love you. _

Blaine was looking at him with those bright hazel eyes, and that grin that _still _managed to make Kurt's stomach flutter. His lips tingled where Blaine had kissed him, and he felt slightly light headed from everything that was flying through his mind.

"Kurt?…Hey, Kurt?" Blaine said, waving his hand in front of the dazed brunette in front of him.

Kurt kept staring at Blaine. He stared at that curly brown hair, and the slight stubble growing on his face. He stared at those deep hazel eyes that he often found himself lost in, and those defined triangular eyebrows he'd felt the urge to pluck on many occasions. He stared at the way Blaine was looking at him—with those warm eyes that make him melt inside—and—

"Kurt, are you okay?" Blaine asked again, leaning forward.

"Um…yeah, just a little um…" Kurt stuttered, he could feel himself blushing—why was he blushing? It's not that was the first time Blaine had ever kissed him. _God _what the hell was wrong with him.

Blaine raised an eyebrow, and smiled amusingly. "Do you want to take a walk with me?"

* * *

><p>Blaine spent a lot of time in central park. He often found most of his inspiration stemmed from this very location. Elderly couples feeding ducks, children playing on the grass, couples enjoying a picnic—it was all so serene and beautiful.<p>

Blaine and Kurt didn't talk much on the short taxi ride there. Kurt seemed so transfixed on his thoughts Blaine didn't want to disturb him.

As he and Kurt strolled side by side, Blaine couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind. The weather was chilly, so there weren't many people in around. It was very peaceful—besides the usual sounds of the city.

Maybe he shouldn't have kissed him. Maybe Blaine had misread the signals and now he's made matters worse than they already were.

It wasn't like Kurt to be quiet—even when he was upset he would usually talk about it.

They walked silently side by side, their hands brushing against each other every now and again. Sometimes Kurt would glance over at Blaine, and their eyes would meet for a moment before both looking away again.

They continued around the grass, headed toward the lake, when Blaine felt Kurt's hand wrap around his arm, pulling them to a stop.

"Blaine?" Kurt said suddenly—breaking the silence.

Blaine turned to face Kurt, who was looking at him with bright eyes. Blaine's breath hitched as Kurt stepped closer to him, his hand still holding onto his arm.

"Okay," Kurt whispered.

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes searching Kurt's face for some sort of sign, a signal to tell him what that could possibly mean.

"Okay?" Blaine repeated.

Kurt nodded, a small smile creeping on his face.

"What do you—?" Blaine began.

"Okay to the big house Blaine. Okay to the house with the porch, okay to the white fence, and okay to that damn German shepherd. Okay to walking down the street holding hands, and okay to little kisses in public. Okay, to _us_." Kurt said breathlessly.

Blaine's eyes widened and his mouth fell open. _Okay? _Blaine's heart started to pound—and he sort of forgot how to move. _Okay? _Blaine needed to say something—anything. _Okay? _Blaine grinned stupidly, as he stood there blinking. Kurt said _okay! _

"Okay to _everything, _Blaine," Kurt said softly, smiling a little bit as he tightened his grip on Blaine's arm, and leaned down to kiss Blaine on the lips.

When Kurt pulled back, this time Blaine was left jelly legged and mind struck.

"Okay?" Blaine asked again, this time with a silly grin on his face, and his hazel eyes beaming.

Kurt laughed as Blaine threw his arms around him, pulling him into a hug, and preceded to plant kisses all over his lips, cheeks, forehead and nose.

Kurt smiled as he pressed his forehead against Blaine's. "I love you—and we're going to this. Just give me some time. There's a lot of stuff we need to…deal with before we go house hunting."

Blaine leaned in and kissed Kurt again, grinning all the same. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."

* * *

><p>Kurt's smile lasted for the rest of the afternoon. He and Blaine walked hand in hand down Central Park. They stole kisses every now and again, sending butterflies to his stomach—it was like they were 16 again.<p>

Kurt grinned all the way home, until he was standing in front of his penthouse door.

Then it was back to reality again.

Kurt walked in hesitantly. The lights were on—which meant Josh had come home relatively early.

"Kurt? You home?" Josh yelled from the living room.

"Yeah!" Kurt yelled back, his voice several octaves higher than usual.

Kurt walked nervously into the living room, his mouth falling open as he saw who was waiting for him inside.

"Mrs.—Mrs. Peterson, Mr. Peterson! I…umm…I wasn't expecting you. What a…delightful surprise!" Kurt stuttered as he stared at Josh's parents, casually sitting in the living room.

"Hey babe! I'm sorry I didn't let you know earlier that they were coming. It was kind of a surprise to me too. I told them we finally set a date, and they drove right down! Can you believe it?" Josh said, ushering Kurt to sit down.

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. _Kurt smiled politely and took a seat next to Josh.

"Now, Kurt dear, call me Selma!" Josh's mother said sweetly.

Josh father nodded in Kurt's direction, and focused his energy back to the newspaper he was engrossed in.

"I was just looking through your wedding planning catalogs dear, and my, my, my, is this going to be a _beautiful _ceremony. I couldn't have planned it better myself! I had no idea you even started!"

Kurt tried to hide his look of utter horror as Mrs. Peterson flipped through a few more catalogs.

"I don't even know why you two hired a planner. God knows I would have done it for you, better, _and _free of charge." Josh's mother said matter-of-factly, adjusting the glasses on the bridge of her nose as she continued flipping through the pages.

"Sorry about this, mom's just excited,"Josh leaned over, and whispered in Kurt's ear.

Kurt chuckled back nervously. "Oh. Right."

Josh smiled, and kissed Kurt's cheek.

Kurt went pale.

Telling Josh was going to be harder than he thought. Kurt chewed his lip nervously as he watched his fiancé and his parents continue talking happily about the wedding plans. Kurt's heart thudded in his chest, the guild building up more and more, until he thought his chest would explode.

Kurt winced when he looked over at Josh. He was beaming with joy as he spoke with his mother, explaining in greater detail a few things he and Kurt had already decided on for the wedding.

He was so happy. How could Kurt just—just crush him? Josh had never been anything but kind, supportive, and caring throughout their entire relationship.

For the rest of the evening Kurt fiddled with his thumbs nervously, hoping no one noticed how distressed he was.

Kurt had to figure out how to end this—but how?

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Second note: Hey guys! Just to let you know, you guys don't need to fret, I will be updating very very soon! <strong>

**Hope you liked this chapter…it's a little messy, I know, but after rewriting, and rewriting, and rewriting and STILL not being able to get it right…I decided to just post it and see how ya'll feel about it. I feel like I'm dragging it a little long—and I apologize. **

**I ended up abandoning my old timeline I was following so now everything's just…messy. **

**Sorry! If you're still reading this sloppy fic of mine…thank you (: I love you and appreciate it! I'm planning about 3 to 4 more chapters, and then it will be complete! **

**If you're reading this…this means you got this far without getting bored so…YAY! Haha! **

**Leave a review if you have a comment, or suggestion or whatever (:**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed that last chapter. I had this random thought in the middle of the night and scribbled it down, so when I woke up and read the chicken scratch I wrote, I decided **_**that**_** ending was a lot better than what I came up with before so…yeah! I'm excited! I also got an idea for yet…**_**another **_**fic (the ideas I come up with at 3am…sheesh), so I'll start of that one after I finish this one—which should be wrapping up in the next 3 or 4 chapters, so if you're interested I hope you stick around and take a look at that one too! I'm pretty excited about it! **

**Again, thank you SO much for the kind reviews, you readers are too sweet. I was pretty nervous when I posted the last chapter—I felt it was kind of messy since I had a sudden change in direction. **

**Thanks for all the support, and as always, if you have a comment, question, suggestion—whatever, just leave a review! I appreciate any kind of feedback, even if you hated it. **

**Reviews = LOVE!**

*****Disclaimer: No ownership of Glee, or the fabulous Klaine pairing (:**

* * *

><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were<strong>

**Chapter 12**

_Kurt was pressed up against the wall, Blaine's hot breath against his neck._

_"Oh god…" Blaine moaned, his voice scratchy and low as he brings his hand to the nape of Kurt's neck and moving to Kurt's lips, kissing him rough and deep. Kurt moans against Blaine's hot lips, his hips pressing forward and Blaine groans into his mouth, biting down on Kurt's lip. _

_Kurt wrapped his legs around Blaine's waist, gasping as Blaine slowly started trailing tiny kisses down his neck, while his free hand moved up along his thighs, sending shivers down Kurt's spine._

_Kurt leaned forward to nibble on Blaine's exposed shoulder when he caught a pair of deep brown eyes staring at him. Kurt could feel his heart racing as the figure emerged from the shadows, walking toward the pair, pressed up against each other. Kurt could feel Blaine still hungrily attacking his neck, growling huskily into Kurt's ear, his back turned away from the stranger._

_Kurt's eyes went wide in panic as the figure continued to approach, the glowing auburn eyes coming closer and closer, glowering at him._

_"I love you Kurt..." Blaine whispered, completely unaware of the approaching person behind him. _

_Kurt struggled behind Blaine's grasp, his eyes locked on the oddly familiar brown ones before him._

_Kurt could feel his hands shaking as he choked out..."Josh?"_

* * *

><p>Kurt's eyes shot open, the bright beams of sunlight streaming in through the slightly angled blinds. Kurt could feel his heart thudding beneath his chest, and feel his body breaking out into a cold sweat. Kurt tried to still his heavy breathing, but no such luck.<p>

Kurt nearly yelped out loud when he felt a rustle beside him, and an arm surreptitiously wrap around his stomach.

Josh groaned and turned over to face Kurt. "Babe, are you alright?"

Kurt's face went pale as he stared into Josh's hazy brown eyes. "Oh, no—nothing. It was just a bad dream," Kurt stuttered, forcing a smile.

Josh smiled sleepily, lifting himself up for a moment to plant a soft kiss on Kurt's hair, before flopping back onto the bed. "It's still early, go back to sleep," Josh mumbled, as he turned back onto his side.

Kurt sat up, and stared at the man beside him, starting to feel the strong sense of guilt paining his gut. Kurt let out a soft sigh, shaking his head, and slipped out of the bed.

_What am I doing?_ Kurt asked himself, as he splashed some cold water on his face and stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

* * *

><p>Kurt stared idly out the taxi car's window, unable to shake that dream out of mind. He could barely look Josh in the eyes during breakfast, his heart would start to pound every time he caught a glimpse of those deep brown eyes—immediately flashing back to the glowing eyes staring at him, walking closer, and closer, the eyes getting brighter, as if staring right through him.<p>

Kurt could feel the sweat beading on his forehead just thinking about it. He'd left the apartment as quickly as possible without stirring too much suspicion, making up an excuse about having to go to the office early.

It'd been a week since that day at the coffee shop with Blaine, when he'd finally made up his mind to follow his heart, and that he had to tell Josh the truth about him and Blaine, because honestly...it was _Blaine. _How could Kurt ever let that go?

Kurt couldn't string Blaine along anymore, it was beginning to seem almost _cruel_.

Blaine had done it. He'd come clean to Danny—so why couldn't he just _do it_ already?

Kurt could just imagine the look on josh's face—a look of utter horror, betrayal, _pain_.

_Oh god_ how was he going to do this?

"We're here, buddy," the cab driver grumbled, pulling up in front of Kurt's office building, and interrupting his thoughts.

"Umm, right, thanks!" Kurt replied a little disheveled, and climbed out of the yellow car.

* * *

><p>Josh groaned as he fumbled through the drawer, desperately searching for his wallet. He thought he'd thrown it on the counter like he usually did, but it wasn't there this morning.<p>

After another late night at work, his mind was too hazy to even recall half of what happened last night. All he remembered was getting home, stripping off his constricting business attire, tossing them in a pile on the closet floor—making a mental note to pick it up in the morning to avoid a disgruntled Kurt, who hated when he threw his clothes like that—and passing out on the bed in an exhausted heap.

Wait. Is that _Kurt's_ wallet sitting on the dresser?

Josh sighed. In his rush to work this morning, Kurt had probably grabbed _his_ wallet by mistake. Josh picked it up, with intentions to leave it on the counter in case Kurt rushed home to pick up his own wallet when he realized the one he'd grabbed wasn't actually his—when a small plastic card fell out from between the flaps of the leather wallet.

Josh furrowed his eyebrows together as he bent down to pick it up, turning the card around in his hand.

Why did Kurt have room key to the Marriott hotel in his wallet?

* * *

><p>It was nearly 2 in the afternoon when Kurt left the office to go meet Blaine. They still continued to meet at the Marriott so that Kurt didn't have to go all the way down to Brooklyn during the day, and Blaine could just go straight from the site where he'd been setting plans with a small construction team to finally open his own-out-of-home art studio. He'd been saving up for his and Danny's wedding and well...that was that. Blaine had bought a small building in the city, and had begun renovation on the place just days after deciding to purchase it.<p>

Kurt knew Blaine had been patient about him taking a little bit of time to break the news to Josh, but Kurt still felt the same overwhelming guilt when he saw Blaine, knowing that he hadn't yet told Josh the truth.

Kurt shook the thought of his mind as he walked through the hotel hallway toward him and Blaine's room. He was _going_ to tell Josh soon. He was. But right now he was meeting Blaine..._Blaine_ and soon they won't be meeting in some hotel anymore—and Kurt couldn't help but smile a little bit. Soon...soon they could just be..._together_, without any more lies, or secrets.

Kurt reached into his bag for his wallet to get the room key when—oh shit. He'd grabbed Josh's wallet this morning. He must have been in such a hurry to get the hell out of the apartment he'd mistakenly taken Josh's instead if his own.

Kurt sighed and knocked on the room door, hoping Blaine had gotten there before him, and get to avoid standing awkwardly in the hallway until he arrived.

Kurt stepped back a little when the door swung open suddenly, and he was face to face with Blaine smiling cheerily at him.

"Hi," Blaine said happily, pulling Kurt into the room and kissing him on the lips.

"Hey," Kurt replied, laughing as Blaine spun him around and wrapped his arms him from behind, his hands settling on his waist, resting his chin on Kurt's shoulder, and kissing him lightly on the neck.

"I missed you," Blaine murmured into Kurt's ear as he nuzzled Kurt's neck with his nose.

"It's been two whole days, I don't know how you survived," Kurt replied sarcastically, trying to suppress a giggle from the way Blaine's stubble tickled his neck.

Blaine's hands slid lower on Kurt's hips, "it was like torture..."

Kurt rolled his eyes, but smiled affectionately, as he rested his own hands over Blaine's and leaning back as Blaine continued to nip at his neck.

"What have you been up to all morning?" Blaine asked, when he finally let go, grabbing Kurt's hand and plopping down onto the bed, patting the spot beside him, signaling Kurt to sit down.

"Honestly? I just bought almost half of Prada's new belt line...I would have bought the other half, but I had to come meet you." Kurt replied nonchalantly, though a small smie was creeping onto his face.

Blaine nudged Kurt playfully in the side, "Oh really? Sounds like someone's working _way_ too hard."

Kurt shrugged, "Things cool down a lot after fashion week...Stuff doesn't start picking up again for another few weeks, so what better way to spend my time than ordering accessories from a catalog?"

Blaine smiled leaning over to rest his head on Kurt's shoulder. "I don't think all your ties _alone_ could fit in my loft."

Kurt petted Blaine's unruly curls, his fingers tangling in the soft mess, "Well, we'd just have to turn that home art studio into a second closet now, won't we?"

Blaine sat up, staring at Kurt, pretending to look horrified. "My _studio_? Are you crazy? You fashion monster!"

Kurt kissed Blaine on the forehead, "You're so sweet with your words, Blaine Anderson."

Blaine grinned and flopped down to rest his head on Kurt's lap, staring up into Kurt's shining blue eyes.

"Oh that reminds me—how are the renovations going for that place you bought? They started yesterday right?" Kurt asked, a hand resting on Blaine's cheek, his thumb rubbing over his cheekbone.

Blaine's eyes fluttered shut, "Yeah...and let me tell you Kurt, that craphole is going to look _fabulous_ by the time I'm through with it."

Kurt smiled, "Oh tell me more Blaine, tell me more!" he replied sarcastically, trying hard not to laugh.

Blaine swatted at Kurt's face, his hazel eyes staring up at Kurt with amusement. "Just you wait Hummel, your mind will be _blown_ when you see the place. It's going to be awesome!"

Kurt laughed, and leaned down to kiss Blaine on the nose. "Yes baby, I know."

* * *

><p><em>"Hello, Marriott hotel, how may I help you today?"<em>

Josh sighed, sinking down onto the bed, and pulling his tie loose. "Uh hi, I was wondering if you have a "Kurt Hummel" staying with you guys, or have—have some sort of like...record of his stay."

Josh didn't want to jump to conclusions. There could be a million and one reasons why Kurt had a room key to the Marriott, but he didn't want to bring it up with Kurt unless there really _was_ anything to bring up. He didn't want to call Kurt out on something that was just a misunderstanding.

_"Oh yes, it seems Mr. Hummel has been staying with us on and off a little over a month—he's actually with us now! Would you like me to connect you to his room sir?"_

Josh took a shaky breath, pinching the bridge of his nose, and squeezing his eyes shut. "Yeah, uh no, no it's fine. Thank you for your time."

Josh raked his fingers through his hair. No. _He couldn't be_.

Josh took a deep breath and with trembling fingers, dialed Kurt's office.

_"Hello, you've reached the Vain Magazine offices, my name is Lucy, and how may I assist you this afternoon?"_

Josh sighed, "Hey Lucy, It's Josh. Is uh—is Kurt there? I have to talk to him."

_"Um, sorry Mr. Peterson, Kurt's...out...for the time being."_

Josh could hear the anxiety in Lucy's voice. "Is he...with a client?"

_"Yes!"_ Lucy replied, a little too quickly, _"Yes, he's—he's in a meeting with a client as we speak—doing a—a very important interview."_

"I thought you said he was out." Josh said tiredly, not knowing why he was still going along with Lucy's charade, despite her obvious panic and poorly said lies.

_"He—he is. He's out at another, um client's place for a meeting."_ Lucy stuttered.

"Alright Lucy, thanks. If he—when he comes back, let him know I called." Josh said with a sigh.

_"Of course, Mr. Peterson. I'll let him know."_

Josh rubbed his eyes, and tried to steady his breathing. He looked down at his phone, just staring at it for a few moments before finally punching in the last number. His finger hovered over the call button for a couple minutes, and in his mind, Josh asked himself...do _I really want to know?_

* * *

><p>Kurt rolled groaned as he rolled over, his cell phone ringing for what must have been the eighth or ninth straight phone call in a row.<p>

"Who _is_ it?" Blaine asked, propping himself up on his elbows, and turning to look at the phone, still ringing loudly on the table.

Kurt rolled his eyes, picking the phone up and looking at the caller ID, "My secretary Lucy. I told her to just cover for me for a few hours. It's not like there's anything going on or there...things at the office are so slow right now, half the people in the office are basically getting paid to play solitaire and write epic romance novels on their computers..."

The phone stopped ringing and Kurt flopped back down onto the bed. "Finally..."

Blaine laughed and rolled over, hovering over Kurt, and about to lean down for a kiss, when Kurt's phone starts to ring once more.

Kurt groans, and Blaine laughs, rolling back to the other side of the bed. "Just_ answer_ it, and maybe she'll leave us alone."

Kurt grabbed his phone off the table angrily, not even looking at it, and pressing it to his ear.

"Yes?" Kurt answered, annoyed.

_"Kurt?"_ Josh's voice asked questioningly, surprised at how quickly Kurt had picked up the phone after just 2 rings.

Blaine snickered on the side, in which Kurt hastily covered his mouth, startling the half naked man beside him.

Kurt shot him a glare, and Blaine's eyes widened, nodding silently in understanding.

"Josh!" Kurt replied, his voice a few octaves higher than usual.

Josh took a shaky breath, _"Just umm...just thinking about you babe..."_

Josh tried to pretend he didn't just hear another male voice laughing in the background right then.

"Oh, how sweet babe," Kurt replied hesitantly, sitting up in the bed, and looking nervously over to Blaine.

_"What are you up to?"_ Josh asked, his voice weak.

"Oh...you know, bored at work. You know how it is right after fashion week. Just sitting in the office, flipping through catalogs. Better clear some room in the closet, I just bought like 20 new belts today from Prada's new line." Kurt said, his voice surprisingly convincing.

Josh bit his lip, _"Right. Well alright, I don't want to keep interrupt your...shopping...I really was just wondering if you had my wallet."_ Josh bit his lip so hard he was starting to taste the metallic tang of blood in his mouth.

"Oh! Yeah I do! Sorry, must have grabbed yours on accident this morning!" Kurt replied, slightly relieved Josh had an _actual_ reason to be calling him.

_"Well, I'll see you at home then."_

"Alright, bye babe!" Kurt said apprehensively, his eyes darting to look at Blaine once again.

_"I love you Kurt,"_ Josh said quietly, hanging up before Kurt could reply.

Kurt removed the phone from his ear slowly, turning to look at Blaine, his face pale as a sheet. Oh gosh.

How could he sit there, taking to his fiancé, while lying in bed half naked beside the man he loved—the man he'd promised he would leave his fiancé for—knowing full well that he was right there listening to him talking casually about belts and wallets and—_god_ he was a horrible person.

Blaine stared up at him with wide eyes from where he was laying on the bed.

Neither of them knew what to say.

Kurt rubbed his face with his hands, and took a deep breath. "Look Blaine—I'm sorry about—l"

"No." Blaine said firmly, sitting up and reaching out to take Kurt's hands in his. "Don't apologize."

Kurt stared into Blaine's hazel eyes. He felt like crying, or screaming, or just pounding his fist against a wall, or something hard and spiky. God, what must Blaine think of him?

Blaine scooted closer to Kurt, and kissed him in the cheek. "It's hard, I know. But I want you. All of you and—"

"I want you too!" Kurt cut in, clutching Blaine's hand desperately, and leaning to rest his head against Blaine's chest. "I want _you_..."

Blaine kissed the top of Kurt's head, "Which is why I'll be patient Kurt. You chose me, and I love you for it, so...I'll wait. This isn't easy—I would know."

Kurt lifted his head up, and looked into Blaine's sincere eyes. "I love you..." Kurt whispered. "I'm sorry for putting you through this...I'm going to tell him...I will."

"I know...I know." Blaine said softly, his hand cupping Kurt's cheek, and looking into his bright blue eyes.

Kurt sighed, and muzzled against Blaine's warm chest again, trying to blink away his tears.

* * *

><p>The penthouse wasn't dark and quiet as it usually was when Kurt got home. Tonight, it was bright and there was a loud clattering coming from the kitchen.<p>

Kurt had a panicky thought that perhaps Josh had impulsively invited his family over again.

"Josh?" Kurt called out, tossing his keys into the bowl.

Josh poked his head out of the kitchen, "Kurt!"

He was cooking. Kurt could smell it, as the scent of Josh's famous Rosemary chicken filled the apartment. Kurt walked into the kitchen hesitantly, looking around at all the pots and pans on the counter, and food cooling on the table.

"You're...cooking?" Kurt asked curiously.

"Well yeah! I thought since we're getting married I might as well you know, get used to it. We can't eat take out forever." Josh said quickly, leaning in to kiss Kurt on the cheek before going back to stirring something in a pot.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. Josh was acting odd. He never cooked unless they were having guests over, or something was _really_ bothering him. Kurt had also known Josh long enough to see that even though a huge smile was plastered on his face, Josh was clearly distressed.

"Did something happen at work?" Kurt asked, lightly touching Josh's shoulder.

Josh continued stirring his pot, not turning to look at Kurt. "Umm, you know work, same old stressful stuff. I'm fine." Josh lied.

Kurt stared at the massive amounts of food Josh was preparing. "Are we...are we expecting anyone?"

"Nope! Just me and you babe!" Josh said distractedly, pushing past Kurt to the oven to poke at his chicken roasting inside.

"Why don't you just uh...go take a shower? Dinner will be ready when you finish." Josh said, his head still ducked in front of the oven.

Kurt nodded, "Uh right! Um, I...I kind of have something I want to talk about later, okay?" Kurt asked, his voice trembling a little.

Josh closed the oven, and turned to look at Kurt, his face a little flushed. "Me too."

"Really? What—what about?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah." Josh said, taking off his oven mitt and tossing it onto the counter. "well, I've been thinking...and I think we should move up the wedding!"

Kurt's mouth fell open, and he stared at Josh incredulously.

_"What?"_

* * *

><p>Blaine stared at the canvas resting on the easel before him. He was on the brink of either chucking an entire can of paint on it, or just ripping it to pieces.<p>

_Why couldn't he do this!_

Kurt's half finished face stared back at him.

Blaine thought he was going crazy...why could he just finish it? He desperately wanted to show Kurt one of his pieces—one of him—one that captured his amazingly stunning beauty.

It wasn't like Blaine couldn't paint _people_, he's worked with dozens and dozens of models before, but for some stupid, _stupid_ reason, he just couldn't paint Kurt!

Blaine clenched his fists together, and took a deep breath before picking up the half painted portrait and leaning it against the wall—where it will remain staring at him, almost mocking him for his failure, again and again.

He'd thrown away most of his sketches, but a few of them still remained piled on a paint splattered table in the studio. He'd kept the ones he didn't distort, the ones that were just never finished.

Blaine ran his fingers through his dark hair, taking a shaky breath before standing up, turning off the lights in the studio, and shuffling down the hallway to his bedroom.

Another day with Kurt, and another restless night wondering...wondering why he couldn't...why he couldn't just _do it_. Why—no matter all his efforts—he just couldn't _paint him_. Of all the things Blaine wanted to capture on his canvas, this was something he wanted more than anything else—and it killed him inside, knowing he just _couldn't _do it.

* * *

><p><em>Life imitating art, or art imitating life?<em>


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's note: Hey guys! Hope you guys enjoyed that last chapter! I can tell from a few of your reviews that you all want Kurt to finally make a freaking decision! Well…he does in this chapter. EEEEK! **

**I'm so so, so, so, so, soooo sorry about the delay! I've been kinda busy, and since I randomly decided to abandon my old plotline, I was kind of stuck on this chapter…for a **_**really **_**long time. **

**I kind of just closed my eyes (not really) and typed this chapter out in one go—with the help of lots of deep, steady breaths and massive amounts of caffeine. WHEW. Its kind of weird not having a plan, I usually outline my fics before writing them out to avoid writer's block, and extremely tiresome rewriting of drafts…but I just…couldn't follow my original plan this time. When the story is all done and finished with, I'll explain—but for now, I'll leave it at that. **

**Oh and in case anyone was wondering…I always imagined Josh as an "Armie Hammer" type-looking-dude. And Danny kind of an "Alex Pettyfer" type. Just to give a sort of visual…I suppose xD **

**If you're still with me on…what is this?…Chapter 13? I LOVE YOU! Golly…its been a long journey, thanks for sticking with this story (: We're almost to the end, so…stay with me, yes? Haha! **

**Songs I listened to while writing: "Someone Like You" – Adele, and "Best Kept Secret" – Cast Recording from **_**Bare**_** the Musical Act 1 **

**Reviews = LOVE!**

*****disclaimer: I do not own any part of Glee…in the slightest xD**

* * *

><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were<strong>

**Chapter 13**

Kurt watched through the corner of his eye as Blaine sat motionless in the loft's studio, paintbrush in hand, his face hidden behind the large white canvas in front of him. Kurt could feel the silent tension filling the room. Neither of them spoke—the only noise coming from the gentle tapping of raindrops hitting against the glass windows of the apartment.

It'd been two weeks since Josh suddenly announced the sudden change in wedding dates—completely catching Kurt off guard, making it _even _harder for him to come clean and just end it. Josh was acting so...different, Kurt couldn't understand it.

Kurt sat at a small table at the front of Blaine's studio, pretending to leaf through a few of the rough sketches littered on one of the tables.

"Did you…did you tell him yet Kurt?" Blaine asked quietly, his eyes refusing to meet Kurt's, and instead stared blankly at the canvas before him.

Kurt turned to look to Blaine, a soft sigh escaping his mouth. He still hadn't told Blaine about Josh's sudden change of wedding dates. It had all happened so fast, Kurt barely had time to open his mouth before Josh was running him through their new schedule.

He'd moved the date up to two weeks from the coming Saturday, informed both their parents, took the liberty of ordering new invitations to be sent out as soon as possible, and worst of all—

"Kurt…you said—" Blaine continued when he didn't receive a reply, interrupting Kurt's thoughts.

"Soon, okay?" Kurt cut in, "I promise, it's just, some stuff came up, and I didn't know how to tell him. I'm trying to figure it all out, it's just…a bit more _complicated _now." Kurt's voice was trembling a little.

—And worst of all…Kurt hasn't figured out how to tell Blaine about the change in wedding dates yet.

Blaine took a deep breath, gently dipping his brush onto his palette, and painting a few more streaks onto the canvas. "_Complicated? _Kurt, no matter _how _you look at this situation, its going to be complicated—the more you drag it out, the more…_complicated…_its going to get."

Kurt looked up. "Blaine, really, I promise. It's _you _okay? Only _you._ You just don't understand the situa—_" _

Blaine paused, his expression falling, the paintbrush in his hand barely brushing against the canvas. "You say that a lot." Blaine said coldly, cutting Kurt off. "It—it's getting harder and harder to believe you. I love you, but if you can't—if you can't end it, I don't know how we're going to…" Blaine pursed his lips together, staring down at his paint palette, "I told you I won't do the sneaking around anymore."

Kurt got up from where he was sitting and kneeled beside Blaine, gently cupping Blaine's face in his hands, and turning it to face his.

Blaine still refused to meet Kurt's eyes, stubbornly staring down at the floor, his long eyelashes covering the pale hazel eyes beneath.

"Look at me Blaine." Kurt said sternly, tilting his head up to meet Blaine's.

Blaine slowly lifted his eyes, continually drawn to the bright blue-green eyes, no matter how hard he tried not to.

"Soon, okay? I just—I need a _little _bit more time.

Blaine nodded, forcing a weak smile. "Whatever you say Kurt, whatever you say…"

Kurt pressed a gentle kiss to Blaine's temple, pulled up a chair behind Blaine, and watched in silent amazement as Blaine began painting again. Each gentle brushstroke, every streak of color against white canvas, the unique way the different shades blended together—left Kurt in awe.

They sat there is a comfortable silence, neither one speaking, just enjoying the simple presence of the other—they both knew it couldn't last long.

* * *

><p>"Well, I think I'm done." Blaine said suddenly, breaking the silence, holding his paint brush in the air, and staring at the final product of his painting.<p>

"I like it." Kurt said simply, as he stood up to stand behind Blaine as he brushed the final few strokes of paint onto his canvas.

Blaine tilted his head as he looked over his work, smiling softly. "Thanks."

"I love watching you paint. I could just…watch you for hours. It's amazing." Kurt said softly, placing a gentle hand onto Blaine's shoulder, as he hovered over him, gazing at the artwork.

Blaine put his paintbrush down, and looked down at the floor. "You _have_ been watching me for hours Kurt."

Kurt chuckled dryly, "Really? Didn't feel like it."

Blaine sighed. "It's getting late. Shouldn't you—shouldn't you be getting home?"

Kurt fell silent, his eyes still locked on the abstract colors swirled onto the canvas.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked again, turning around to look up at Kurt.

Kurt shook his head, trying to snap back into reality, "Um, yeah, probably. I just—I wanted to stay a little longer."

Blaine pursed his lips together, and gently took Kurt's hands in his, smiling sadly. "Kurt, you can't just say things like that to me. You know I'll never let you leave when you say things like that. Please, just—just go. I'm already temped to ask you to say tonight."

Kurt nodded, his eyes falling, "Sorry. I didn't mean to—I didn't…"

Blaine stood up, cupping Kurt's face in his hand, stroking his thumb over his cheek. "It's okay, let's not…let's not get into again."

"I'll tell him Blaine, I will." Kurt said, his voice trembling, his hands resting on Blaine's chest.

Blaine looked away, "I'll be here when you do."

Kurt leaned forward and kissed Blaine lightly on the forehead.

"I'll be back soon."

* * *

><p>Blaine waved from the doorframe as Kurt disappeared down the hall.<p>

He lingered by the door until Kurt was completely out of sight and around the corner, biting down on his lower lip.

After a few moments, Blaine finally shut the door, and turned to face the empty loft. The sun had begun to set, leaving the place in a dark orange-ish glow.

Blaine shuffled back into the living room, raking his fingers through his tousled curls, and plopped down on the couch.

It wasn't a secret that he'd gotten a bit—okay, _more _than a bit upset with Kurt earlier, but even _his_ patience was starting to break. Blaine had spent restless nights wondering if this was all just another lie, that he and Kurt never really stood a chance, and they were both lying to themselves to mask the pain of the truth—the reality that maybe…they were never really meant to be together.

Blaine wasn't going to lie. He was scared. He was scared that Kurt loved Josh—enough to be unable to leave him, enough to go through with their wedding…enough to give up on what he and Kurt could be.

Blaine sighed, and stared idly at the living room table, and the massive amount of paperwork he had to be filling out for the renovations of his city studio—when something caught his eye. It was a letter, hidden beneath the piles of contracts, approvals and bills.

Blaine pushed aside the paperwork, and picked up the letter, his fingers traced over the familiar hand writing. When did he get this?

Blaine stared at the sender name. _Danny Miller. _

Blaine held the envelope in his hands for a few moments, before decidedly tearing it open, holding the thin lined paper between his fingers, before reading it.

* * *

><p>Kurt could feel the brisk New York breeze blowing as he stepped out of his taxi and into his apartment building. There was no doubt the tension was beginning to build between the two of them. As much as Kurt wanted to just make the whole world disappear, and just stay within the comfort of this magical work he and Blaine had created for themselves, he had to face the reality of the deep situation he'd somehow buried himself in.<p>

Kurt's head throbbed at just the idea of telling Josh the truth—especially now that he'd waited until after their new wedding date was booked, invitations had been sent out, and family members have been informed.

His heart ached at the thought of Blaine, with his sullen eyes, and his cold disposition. He'd been so patient—he still_ is_ patient, but Kurt knew he was wearing him thin, and that patience won't last.

In Kurt's heart he knew there was nothing more he wanted to be with Blaine. He wanted to be in that cozy Brooklyn loft, with all the paint and the comforting smell of coffee that was somehow always brewing. He wanted to go over his magazine editorials while Blaine painted in his studio. He wanted _that_.

But, then there was Josh, the man who'd been the first person to capture his heart after years of emptiness. The man who gave up everything to be with him, who worked his tailbone off all night to keep in synch with the international French time zone, the man who—despite everything, still stood loyally by his side through temper tantrums, diva fits, colds, arguments…everything.

* * *

><p>Kurt entered the penthouse quietly, tossing his keys into the bowl like he did everyday, and shuffled into the kitchen to get some aspirin for his throbbing headache. He groaned as he heard what sounded like the echoing sounds of Josh's raised voice yelling into his phone.<p>

As Kurt walked through the kitchen door, he could see that he was right—Josh was leaning against the kitchen counter his hand pressed to his forehead and his cell phone against his ear.

"I'm _not _going for business. I told you I'm taking a few weeks off for my god damn wedding. I don't care what she says, and I don't care what she threatens, I'm tired of all this. I told her I'd go and deal with whatever the hell she needs me to do at the _end _of the month. She's got half a brain and a dozen mindless assistants, tell _her _to figure it out." Josh screamed angrily into the phone, his fingers rubbing his temples as he tried to calm down.

Kurt sighed, and strolled past Josh toward the cabinet, reaching for a bottle of aspirin. Josh signaled for Kurt to bring over the bottle, and Kurt nodded silently, and grabbed two glasses, filling them with water.

"Okay, seriously, I'm done having this conversation. If she can't handle this on her own, then I have no idea why they put her in charge. I'm hanging up now, and I betternot get another phone call until _after_ I get back." Josh said sternly, trying excruciatingly hard to keep his voice down. After some more screeching from the other end, Josh rolled his eyes and flipped the phone shut, hanging up and sliding the phone it as far away from him as possible onto the counter.

Kurt handed Josh a glass of water and two pills, and then popped two into his own mouth.

Josh smiled sheepishly at Kurt. "Sorry about that…Parisian office just won't get off my back about my leave."

Kurt nodded, staring down at his glass of water, avoiding eye contact with Josh.

Josh swallowed his aspirin, and cleared his throat. "Uh, Kurt?"

Kurt looked up at Josh, his fingers nervously tracing the rim of his cup. "Hmm?"

"I know this is sudden—" Josh began.

'What _isn't _sudden lately?" Kurt retorted quietly.

Josh chuckled dryly, "Yeah, well—you're either going to be _really_ mad or _really_ excited about this."

Kurt's eyes looked back down at his cup, swirling the remaining water around in the glass.

Josh strode forward and took Kurt's free hand in his. "We're going to have to move the honeymoon up—immediately. And by immediately…I mean tonight."

Kurt looked up at Josh, his eyes widening and his mouth falling slightly ajar. "What? Josh! How could you just spring something like that up on me without—"

Josh squeezed Kurt's hand, "Babe, with the wedding moved up and my business trip pretty much _right _after the wedding, we won't be able to fit in a honeymoon, and I thought, why not just go…before?"

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows and wriggled his hand from Josh's grasp. "No, no…no…no. We—we can't. I…no. Josh, I can't! I don't even understand _why _you moved the wedding up in the first place! You need to think things through before doing them, I mean—" Kurt stopped abruptly, shaking his head. Kurt squeezed his eyes shut, and took a deep breath, raking his fingers through his hair.

Josh pursed his lips together, his eyes falling disappointedly. "Kurt…Paris! It's where we're always dreamed of going for out honeymoon. Me whisking you off to France, and staying at that hotel where we first spent the night together, why don't you want to—"

Kurt held up his hand, "No, Josh. We're not going tonight. I can't…I can't deal with all this right now. I'm sorry." Kurt looked at Josh exasperatedly for one more moment—he opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it and turned away, heading for the bedroom, and closing the door behind him.

* * *

><p>Josh stood in the kitchen, rubbing his face with his hands, and sighed. He could see it in Kurt's eyes. The lost, confused, <em>guilty<em> look in his eyes. Josh knew Kurt, and he knew he couldn't keep that secret in much longer—he was going to tell him soon, despite his many efforts to avoid it.

There was someone else. There had to be. Josh wasn't stupid. He could tell when his partner had begun to drift from him. It'd been months of quiet meals, habitual conversations, forced interest. And If that fateful phone call to Kurt while he was at that hotel—probably with his lover—wasn't evidence enough to give Josh the answer he hoped he'd never have to find out, that blunt reaction to the honeymoon thing _was. _

Josh felt miserable. He was holding onto something that quite frankly, was struggling very hard to let him go. It was foolish to cling onto something that probably no longer wanted you there, but—it was _Kurt._

It would be hard to explain to any rational person _why _exactly Josh was doing this—_this, _as in the moving up of the wedding, the change in honeymoon dates, and the many acts of desperation Josh had to pull just to test—just to see if Kurt still, _at all,_ loved him. Even to himself, this behavior was absurd, and he should probably be feeling angry, betrayed…_cheated. _But there was this spot in his heart that Kurt had captured and held onto all these years. It was a piece of him that lived for Kurt, to be with him, to love him, to forever be owned by him, and that blew all logic and rationality in his being.

Josh took a deep, shaky breath, as he stared down the hall at the closed bedroom door.

Kurt hadn't left him yet—which meant he had to still love him enough to stay. Josh loved Kurt, and as pathetic as this would be to anyone else—Josh just wasn't willing to just let Kurt go that easily.

* * *

><p>Kurt sat down on the bed, his head sinking into his hands.<p>

What has he _done?_

How did things get _this_ bad?

Outside the door was a man who was desperately trying to show his love, trying to be romantic, and here he was…pushing him away—pushing him away like he'd been doing for so long. Kurt couldn't remember the last time he'd done something for Josh, the last time he'd kissed him for no reason…even the last time he'd said _I love you. _

Kurt sat there in the dark silence, with nothing but the sound of the city buzzing outside—just him alone with his thoughts.

"Kurt? Are you okay?" Josh's voice called through the bedroom door.

Kurt buried his head in his hands once again. He thought his heart would explode from all this. He had to make a decision, he had to end all of this—it'd gone on long enough.

"Hey…" Josh said softly as he poked his head in through the door, and walked toward Kurt, taking a seat beside Kurt on the bed and hesitantly putting a soft hand on his back.

Kurt looked up, trying to wipe away the stray tears off his cheeks. "I'm sorry…"

"Kurt? What—what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Josh asked gently, sitting down beside Kurt on the bed.

Kurt sighed, looking up at Josh, his auburn eyes burning with concern.

"You do too much for me Josh. I don't even know why you're still here putting up with me." Kurt said, his voice quivering.

Josh sighed, his eyes falling slightly, "I guess that's just love right? It doesn't matter _what _you do, as long as you're here, loving me back, I'll never leave. I see you through the good _and _the bad—besides, I think the stress is just getting to you. I know the _real _you behind all this, and I love his way too much to let a few petty things get in the way."

Kurt blinked back tears, "Oh, god…"

Josh smiled gently at Kurt, "I'm sorry I'm pushing all this stuff on you—Paris, the wedding, the…_everything_. I should have talked with you first."

Kurt sat up straight, and took a long look at Josh, furrowing his eyebrows and chewing on his lower lip.

"I—I have to go." Kurt said abruptly, standing up and walking out the bedroom door.

"What?" Josh asked.

"I—I have to go, I'll…be back later." Kurt said simply walking towards to front door.

Josh followed him to the door, "You—you're leaving…now? Kurt it's nearly midnight! Where are you going?"

Kurt looked back at Josh with blazing eyes, rimmed red from crying, "I just…I have to go somewhere okay?"

Kurt grabbed a coat off the sofa, and headed out the door, despite Josh's protests, not turning around until he was out of the building hailing down a cab, and climbed into the first taxi to pass by.

"Brooklyn, please!" Kurt said breathlessly to the cab driver.

* * *

><p>Blaine was sitting alone at the kitchen counter, sipping on a cup of coffee, Danny's letter still in his hand. He'd already read it a million times over, but he just—he couldn't put it down. It was almost too surreal to be reality.<p>

Blaine was interrupted with a loud knocking on his door.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked perplexedly, as he stood at the doorway.

"Hey…" Kurt said softly, taking a deep breath.

"What are you…?" Blaine furrowed his eyebrows, "What are you doing here so late? Is—is everything okay?"

It was past midnight, and here he was standing at Blaine's doorstep. His eyes were rimmed red, his hair was disheveled, and he was trembling slightly. He looked at Blaine with glazed blue eyes.

"I'm sorry its so late but I—" Kurt began, his lip quivering, "I needed to see you…I just…I needed to see you." Kurt said, his eyes dropping to look down at the ground.

"Come in, come in," Blaine said, as he ushered Kurt in.

"Did you—did you tell him?" Blaine asked, resting his hands on Kurt's shoulders, trying to get Kurt to look at him.

Kurt was silent, as he stood there, trying to blink away the tears that had not ceased to fall all night.

'Kurt? Please…talk to me." Blaine asked desperately, squeezing his grip on Kurt's shoulders.

Kurt turned away, wriggling free of Blaine's grasp.

Blaine sighed, and looked away disappointedly, "Kurt…"

"I'm sorry—I can't. I just…I can't…" Kurt said quietly, squeezing his eyes shut, his hand flying up to rest on his forehead, "I keep trying, but it's so hard and—"

"Yeah? Well I can't do _this_!" Blaine yelled, jumping up, and slamming his fists into the nearest wall, and leaning his head against it.

Kurt could feel his eyes welling with tears as he walked over to Blaine, taking one of Blaine's clenched fists into his hands.

"Look what we're reduced to! We almost never find time for each other, and even when we do, all we end up doing is fucking in some hotel—or meeting here secretly so we can stare idly at the walls—avoiding the fucking problem we've _been _avoiding for months. I can't…I can't _take _it anymore!" Blaine all but screamed.

Blaine could feel Kurt's glistening eyes on him. Blaine shook his head and walked to his bedroom, unable to face Kurt's look of shock from his sudden outburst.

"Blaine…" Kurt began, his voice trembling as he watched him go.

"No Kurt! No! This shouldn't be how it is." Blaine yelled from the hall, turning around abruptly before entering his bedroom, "No more sneaking around. No more secret meetings, or late night phone calls! I can't build a relationship with you based on lies, and broken promises. I want more. I _need_ more. I can't fucking stand the fact that at the end of the day you're _his _and not _mine_. I want to be the person who holds you proudly, confidently without worrying about _him_. I want to be the guy who can kiss you, without having to agonize about someone seeing us. I don't want to be your secret Kurt. I want to be—I just want to be _yours._"

Kurt was shaking as he walked after Blaine, reaching out to take Blaine's hands in his placed a kiss on Blaine's palm. "You are, and will forever be _mine_—I just…"

"Josh." Blaine said crossly, pulling his hand back, and turning away from Kurt.

Kurt wiped the tear rolling down his face. "Blaine…it's not as easy as—"

"You think it was easy? It was the hardest thing I've done in my entire life. I was _engaged_ to Danny, Kurt. I was willing to spend my entire life with him! It killed me inside to hurt him, but I did it! I told him the truth." Blaine could feel the heat rising in his chest. "Because you_, _Kurt, _you _are the most important thing in the entire world to me! I did it for you! I did it..."

Blaine paused momentarily to still his shaking voice, and looked Kurt in the eyes. "I did it for _us._"

Blaine let out a deep sigh, pushing his bedroom door open and sat down at the edge of the bed, throwing his head into his arms. "I need you to tell me what you want, because I can't be strung along like this any longer…it hurts too much." His eyes were squeezed shut, in hopes that it could keep the well of tears behind them shut in, like a dam just waiting to spill over any second.

Kurt couldn't move. He simply stood there, blinking. The tears in his eyes were making it hard for him to see, his vision blurred.

It was an odd moment, Kurt standing there, looking at Blaine bent over on the bed, his hands buried in his hands. Had someone been in the room, they would've seen a smile creep onto Kurt's face. It wasn't a happy smile, not joyous in the slightest. It was a pained smile. A smile that was so wounded, so hurt, that anyone who saw it would have winced.

It was then when Kurt realized…Blaine was _breaking_. Kurt could see it in his eyes for weeks, and it pained his heart to see what Blaine was going through. His usual bright, hazel eyes were dark, shadowed with feelings of immense distress.

Kurt walked over to Blaine, trying his best to mask his emotions, blinking back his tears, and pulled Blaine into a hug. Blaine let out a sigh, and nuzzled against Kurt's warmth out of habit, letting Kurt wrap his arms around him.

"Hey…" Kurt said softly, rubbing soft circles into Blaine's back.

"We could do it Kurt, I know we can. We can be more than this." Blaine murmured, his cheek pressed against Kurt's shoulder.

Kurt quickly wiped the stray tear that'd streamed down his cheek, and pulled Blaine in closer, leaning in and planting a forceful kiss onto his lips, slowly lowering him back onto the bed.

"I love you Blaine Anderson," Kurt replied, straddling Blaine, and planting soft kisses down his neck.

Blaine was a bit taken aback from Kurt's sudden movement, and pressed his hand against Kurt's chest, holding him back.

"Kurt…" Blaine warned, his hazel eyes locking with hazy blue ones.

Kurt's shaky fingers glided down Blaine's stomach, and began fumbling with his belt buckle.

Blaine's hands moved down over Kurt, stopping them from going any further. "Wait—what are you doing?"

Kurt looked at Blaine with desperate eyes, leaning in once again to kiss him hard on the lips, while his fingers intertwined with Blaine's, forcefully pushing their hands against the bed above Blaine's head.

Blaine groaned his eyes fluttering shut. "Kurt—wait—" he stuttered, as Kurt began kissing down his collar bone.

"What?" Kurt asked frantically, propping himself up, and looking at Blaine, chewing on his lip nervously.

"Kurt—please tell me what's wrong. Why are you—" Blaine began, looking into Kurt's misty blue eyes.

"Nothing. Nothing, I just want to bewith you…_please._" Kurt said quickly, forcing a quick smile, and leaning down to kiss Blaine again.

Blaine squirmed against the kiss. "No, no—wait. Wait!" Kurt's lips were red and swollen, and his eyes were blazing as they looked down at him, his lower lip quivering slightly.

"Kurt we shouldn't—" Blaine began.

"_Please…" _Kurt said again, almost at a whisper, as his fingers untangling from Blaine's and cupped Blaine's face gently. _"Please…"_

Blaine sighed, his eyes falling for a moment, his long dark eyelashes fanning out over his cheek, before slowly looking up. Kurt was trembling, his eyes desperately searching his for some sign. He looked so beautiful just looking down at him, his blue eyes glistening, his cheeks pink, his lips red.

Blaine looked away for a moment, before reaching up and pulling Kurt down for a kiss.

* * *

><p>Kurt stared up at the ceiling he'd grown way too accustom to. He glanced around at the walls, the floors, taking in the comfortable familiarity he felt when he was here. The familiar paintings hanging from the walls, the paint-splattered furniture, even the big glass windows, allowing streams of moonlight in—illuminating the room, were all beautiful and calming to him.<p>

He turned to stare at Blaine, who'd drifted off to sleep, letting out deep even breaths into his pillow, with one arm draped over Kurt's chest.

Kurt glanced at the digital clock, blaring bright red numbers, set on the bedside table. 4:27.

Kurt wiggled out from beneath Blaine's strong arm. Kurt's breath hitched as Blaine rolled over suddenly, yawning loudly, and snuggling back against his pillow. Slowly, Kurt climbed out of the bed, reaching around the floor for his abandoned pants and pulling them on quietly.

He slinked into the bathroom, grabbing his cell phone off the dresser where he'd left it earlier in the night, and closed the door behind him, sliding down against the sink, and staring at the phone in his hand.

* * *

><p>Kurt was trembling as he scrolled down his contacts list and pressed the call button. Kurt has memorized Blaine's number almost instantaneously, and yet he found himself still having to search through his contacts for <em>Josh<em>?

He picked up on the second ring, his voice soft and very strained. "Hello?"

"Josh?" Hey…it's Kurt. Those tickets to Paris, you still have them, yes?"

There was a hesitant voice on the other end. "Kurt? Where the hell are you? I've been waiting up all night! You can't just take off in the middle of the night and say you'll be back soon without giving me some sort of a warning of something!" Josh paused…his voice falling dangerously low. "Are you—are you with…someone?"

It took all Kurt had to keep the tears from falling. "No. Of course not, why would you ask that? I just needed some time to think...about everything. The wedding, the honeymoon…Paris."

There was a long pause. "And?"

Kurt could sense the anxiety in Josh's voice, and he hated himself for it. He hated what Josh had reduced himself to because of him. He'd become something Kurt would have never believed Josh would become. A paranoid, desperate, and jealous human being.

"Tonight. Let's go. Me and you, Paris. It'll—" Kurt bit his lip. "It'll be what we always wanted, what we always dreamed about."

There was another silence, and Kurt didn't know what to make of it.

"Kurt I—um…I—" Josh stuttered.

Kurt closed his eyes, feeling his tears fall to the floor, his hands gripping the phone tightly. "Start packing, I'll—I'll be home soon."

"Kurt? Wait! What about—" Josh tried to say.

"Look, I have to go, just—pack. I want to be gone by morning." Kurt cut off, and hung up the phone. He leaned his head against the bathroom sink, feeling his hot tears streaming down his cheeks.

In short, deep sobs, Kurt crept back into the room and gathered his clothes, not caring that his vintage Armani was wrinkled, or the fact that he couldn't find his favorite Chanel Belt in the dark loft bedroom. He just needed to get his things and go. He paused for a moment, his vision blurred as he stared at the sleeping figure in the bed.

Kurt staggered over, taking a shaky breath, his fingers brushing over the dark hair falling into curly ringlets onto Blaine's forehead.

Kurt picked up a littered piece of paper off the floor, and with shaky hands, managed to scribble down something onto it. He hovered over Blaine, who was sleeping soundly, his upper torso just barely peeking out from beneath the covers, and an arm dangling off the bed.

"_I love you_…" Kurt whispered as he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss onto Blaine's lips.

Blaine was right, Kurt thought to himself. It truly was the _hardest_ thing he'd ever done in his entire life.

And with that, Kurt Hummel collected up his things, and in the dead of night, quietly slipped out the front door.

* * *

><p><strong>...To be continued…obviously! <strong>

**Second Author's Note: Sorry about that…please don't hate me lovely readers! Some of you probably won't even want to listen to me right now after that…and sorry…I was hopped up on like 10 energy drinks, coffee and immense lack of sleep…**

**AHHHH! Anyways, please stay with me, the final few chapter(s) (I haven't decided how many more I'll need to wrap this fic up) will be out suuuuper soon. I promise I won't have another wait as long as this one…xD**


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's note: my readers! I'm so so so so sorry for that last chapter! Like I said...it took lots of caffeine and deep breaths...IT WASN'T EASY FOR ME EITHER! D: if you're reading this author note it means you don't totally hate me and you're reading on so...ohmygoshthankyouiloveyou 3 I was planning on hiding away for a couple days and avoid the scary reviews I'd probably get (understandable haha!) but I needed to get down to business and write something out! I know I keep leaving off at emotional cliffhangers, but…I hadn't updated in weeks!**

**I love my bb Kurt, and I promise he wasn't doing it to hurt Blaine (bb Blaine! I love you tooooo!) he had his reasons, don't hate him D:**

**I kind of just write what pops into my head now since I have no plotline to follow...and well...**

**_that _happened...I started the chapter not really knowing how it was going to end and my mind just kinda *did it* must have been the caffeine...**

**ANYWAYS! On with it yes? Most of you probably skipped this obnoxiously long author's note to just start reading...which is 100% understandable xD**

**I started this chapter like I did the last…with no clue where its going…so…enjoy? Haha! I tried my best to get this chapter out as soon as possible, but I had to wait till a plotbunny popped into this darn brain of mine.**

**Thanks for sticking with me this long ^.^ I'm sorry for any emotional turmoil I caused that last chapter...had to be done for some good drama right?**

**Reviews = LOVE!**

*****disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its fabulous characters (:**

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><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were<strong>

**Chapter 14**

"Kurt?" Blaine mumbled as he rolled over on the bed, his arm reaching over to the other side of him, and feeling around, his eyes half open as the morning New York sunlight began to stream in through the windows.

"Kurt? Babe? Its morning, we fell asleep, you should—Kurt?" Blaine sat up, and glanced around the room.

Last night felt like a blur—he and Kurt argued…and then he and Kurt…Blaine lifted the covers and looked down at his body—yes, that definitely happened—Blaine had the marks on his chest, and most likely his neck, to prove it. Blaine rolled out of bed, stretching as the soreness began kicking in.

"Kurt?" Blaine yelled again, his voice echoing throughout the small loft.

Kurt never left in the morning without telling him—it was an agreement they'd decided on since the beginning. If there was ever going to be sleepovers, neither one of them was allowed to sneak off in the morning without at least saying goodbye.

Blaine glanced around the room—Kurt's clothes were gone.

He wouldn't, Blaine thought to himself as he looked around…He can't.

Blaine shuffled through the loft hesitantly, hoping to catch Kurt applying moisturizer in the bathroom, or flipping pancakes in the kitchen. Maybe he was taking a peak at his art studio, or watching TV in the living room.

Blaine stood in the middle of his loft.

_He left._

Blaine scrambled to his bedroom, running up to his nightstand to look for his cell phone. _No new messages and no missed calls._

Blaine dialed the phone number he'd memorized by heart since the first day he'd gotten it.

Directly to voicemail.

As Blaine hung up the phone, tossing it angrily onto the bed, his eye caught onto an old piece of paper—and old sketch of his—littered on the nightstand beside where his phone once sat.

Blaine picked it up hesitantly, slowly turning the paper over to see familiar writing scrawled on the back.

Blaine's breath hitched as he read it.

* * *

><p><em>I'm so sorry, Blaine.<em>

_But, I could never say goodbye to you._

* * *

><p>Blaine could feel his eyes starting to sting as the realization of those words began to sink in. What did this—what did this mean? Blaine's hands began to tremble as he stared at the piece of paper. Kurt…chose <em>Josh<em>.

He wouldn't…he couldn't—not after last night…

Blaine thought back to the night before. The frantic look in Kurt's eyes—the way he kissed him, the way he touched him, _everything. _

Blaine's heart began to race.

The way he _kissed _him. The way he _touched _him. Blaine's throat began to close up, his eyes welling up with tears—Kurt thought it was the last time.

Blaine remembered the misty look in Kurt's eyes all night, the desperate _need_ Kurt was expelling all night. He was doing because he'd already made a decision, he knew the whole time…and Blaine had just, he just went along with it.

Blaine clutched the paper in his hand. He could feel his entire body beginning to tremble, and a few stray tears roll down his cheeks.

* * *

><p>A half hour later Blaine was standing in front of Kurt's apartment door, whatever resolve he had left shattered.<p>

"KURT!" Blaine screamed, pounding on the door, "KURT OPEN THE DOOR!" Blaine cried desperately, slamming his fists against the double doors of the Manhattan penthouse.

"KURT!" he yelled over and over until his voice was hoarse.

Blaine could feel his face beginning to flush, completely overwhelmed with emotion as he pounded, his fists beginning to hurt as they struck the hard surface. "KURT!"

After a few more minutes of screaming, Blaine was about to turn and give up, his energy beginning to give out. Blaine leaned his head against the door, his fists still attempting to pound on the door, until finally his hands slide down the door in defeat—when suddenly the door swung open.

Blaine stepped back quickly, his head snapping up in a panic.

A tall chestnut haired man opened the door, leaning against the doorframe, looking incredibly exhausted.

"You must be...you must be _Blaine_," He said with a sigh.

Blaine's mouth fell open, completely taken aback by the tall, handsome man standing at the doorway.

"I—I um..."

Josh raised an eyebrow, looking Blaine up and down. He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head slightly. "Huh…I imagined you…_taller."_

Blaine was about to protest, before realizing who he standing before and closed his mouth. This big guy knew his name. He knew his _name_. Which means…he knew who he _was. _The. Big. Guy. Knew. Who. He. Was.

Blaine turned on his heel, and headed back towards the elevator, his throat suddenly dry, and his face a few shades paler. _What the fuck happened last night?_

"Hey! _Blaine_!" The guy at the doorway called out. Blaine froze at the sound of his name. Why did he have to say his name like _that?_

Blaine turned around, taking a shaky breath as he stared back down to Kurt's door.

The man rolled his eyes and gestured for him to come in.

Blaine hesitantly walked back to the door to where the man had already disappeared behind, and nervously stepped in, closing the door behind him.

Blaine had been at Kurt's a few times—never in the day time—but he'd been there. It looked like a god damn palace mixed with a presidential hotel suite. Everything was so pristine, and perfect—like you couldn't touch _anything. _Blaine could never imagine being _comfortable _in a place like this, let alone live here. Blaine followed the man through the penthouse.

"Sit down." The dark haired man said coldly, ushering Blaine to a small dining room table, and pulling out a chair, and pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

Blaine pulled up a chair across the stranger, glancing around the empty apartment. "Where—where's Ku—" Blaine began.

"I'm Josh Peterson." The man cut off.

No shit, Blaine thought to himself.

"What are you doing here?" Josh asked, his voice soft, but threatening.

Blaine was confused. "You're the one who told me to come in—"

Josh scoffed, "Wow, okay. No, that's not what I meant. I meant why did you _come _here in the first place?"

Blaine blinked awkwardly, his eyebrows knitting together. What the _fuck _was this guy's problem? Josh already knew his name, and he heard him shouting for Kurt when he pounded on the god damn door…did he honestly not know what the hell he was here for? Did he have to _spell it out_ for him?

Josh rolled his eyes, and threw an annoyed wave in Blaine's direction, and stood up from his seat. "Never mind—I know all I needed to know."

Blaine's eyes narrowed and balled up his fists under the table. This guy was insane! "Where is Kurt?" Blaine asked again, his voice rising as he watched Josh pace back and forth, completely ignoring his presence.

Josh stopped his pacing, and turned his gaze to Blaine. "Kurt?" Josh's eyes fell to the floor "Kurt's gone...he left," he said simply, an underlying tone of bitterness beneath his words.

Blaine stood up from his chair abruptly, his chair sliding out loudly, as it grinded against the marble tiles of the floor.

"What?" Blaine choked out, matching Josh's intense glare.

Josh sighed, his fingers pressed against his forehead, "Yeah, which is why I want to know why_ you _are here."

Blaine tilted his head, waiting for Josh to continue.

"You're _Blaine. _You're the guy he loved—the guy he's been…," Josh, turned away for a moment, "The guy he's been _cheating _on me with, am I right?" Josh finished, his voice cracking.

Blaine stared down at the tile. He reached into his pocket, his fingers brushing against the note folded up inside. "I—I don't understand." He stuttered, not knowing what to say. Kurt chose _Josh _didn't he? What was this guy going on about?

Josh looked at Blaine with an incredulous expression, before shaking his head and began pacing again. "Look, I don't know what the fuck happened between you two last night, and I don't think I _want _to. I thought after—after what happened he'd gone and found you or something."

Okay, Blaine was _beyond_ confused.

"What do you mean? What happened last night? I don't—" Blaine began, his eyebrows knitting together, trying to process what Josh was telling him.

Josh sighed, "I don't know where he is okay? I don't know where he went, I don't know _anything…_and I'm surprised you don't either."

Josh seemed to calm down a bit, raking his fingers through his hair, and ushering Blaine to sit down.

Blaine hesitantly sat back down, feeling more puzzled about this whole situation than ever. If Kurt wasn't here, and Kurt wasn't at his place, and Josh didn't know where Kurt was, but Josh knew about him, and Josh knew about him _and _Kurt…and Josh wasn't trying to _kill him_ right now—What the _hell _was going on?

Josh took a deep breath, and looked across the table to Blaine, his face expressionless. "Look, I don't like you. Actually, I kind of fucking hate you—a lot. But you and I are _kind of _in the same boat here." Josh sighed, "But…seeing as you don't know anymore than I…I guess you deserve to know _this_."

Blaine's mouth fell open.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this but—I was expecting his to be…with you."

"What are you—?" Blaine began to question.

"Look, after he went to see you last night Kurt…" Josh began, as he started explaining to Blaine what happened last night.

* * *

><p><em>The night prior…<em>

"Did you get everything? The tickets? Josh?" Kurt asked frantically as he burst through the penthouse front door, looking around hurriedly.

The penthouse was dark, and quiet. Kurt spotted Josh sitting alone on the living room sofa. A single lamp was lit, barely illuminating the room and casting a dim shadow against Josh's face.

"No. No I didn't." Josh replied darkly, staring out the big glass windows of the apartment.

"What?" Kurt asked in angry disbelief, "I told you to—ugh, forget I'll do it." Kurt said, his voice hoarse.

Josh looked up at Kurt. His face was flushed, eyes rimmed red and puffy, and his once perfectly pressed clothes, were now wrinkled beyond belief. His hair was messy, and it was obvious he had been crying.

"Where did you go?" Josh asked softly, his voice dangerously low.

Kurt was fumbling with his cell phone, trying to get the JFK International Airport on the line. "What? No-no where…I just…I had some stuff to deal with."

"Kurt!" Josh growled shooting Kurt a glare.

"Josh, I'm serious right now, are you going to pack or just sit there?" Kurt yelled back, his blue eyes blazing as he walked away down the hall.

Josh took a deep breath, as he stood up, and turned to face Kurt.

"Hello—hi, I'd like to book two flights from New York to Paris, the earliest flight available please," Kurt said into the phone, as he rushed towards the bedroom.

Josh followed Kurt to the bedroom, leaning against the doorframe as he watched Kurt toss some clothes and toiletries into a luggage bag.

"Yes, yes, that's fine." Kurt said juggling the phone on his shoulder as he tossed a few pairs of pants into the suitcase.

"Kurt we're not leaving tonight," Josh said callously, staring at Kurt with burning brown eyes.

Kurt ignored Josh, continuing to throw whatever essentials he could find into his suitcase and digging through one of his drawers for his passport. "Okay, thank you very much, uh huh, yeah, okay. Bye," Kurt said, hanging up his phone and tossing it on the bed.

"Kurt? Are you even listening to me?" Josh asked, raising his voice as he stood watching Kurt moving about the room frantically.

"Josh we don't have time for this, our flight leaves in an hour, just pack whatever necessities you need, we can just buy new stuff when we get there." Kurt said, pushing past Josh to the bathroom.

"New stuff?" Josh repeated, his eyes narrowing, "How long do you plan on staying there?"

Kurt didn't answer, instead, began digging through a drawer for a few pairs of nightwear.

"Kurt! I'm not going to Paris tonight!" Josh said angrily, his eyes following Kurt as he ran across the bedroom to the closet.

Kurt was almost in a daze, completely oblivious to everything and anything Josh was saying to him. "Shit...I don't know where I left my..." Kurt began looking around for some item that was hiding around the room.

"Kurt...Kurt...?" Josh said frustratingly trying to get his attention, "KURT!" Josh yelled, striding up and grabbing Kurt by the shoulders, trying to get Kurt to look him in the eyes.

"What?" Kurt snapped back, pushing Josh off him, glaring back up at him with burning eyes.

"What are you doing?" Josh asked angrily, "What are you..._doing_?" Josh said again, softer this time.

Kurt rolled his eyes, moving to his suitcase and zipping it shut. "It's what _you_ wanted." Kurt muttered almost sarcastically.

"What?" Josh echoed, sitting down on the bed in an aggravated huff, "This is _never_ what I wanted..."

Kurt picked up his suitcase, dragging it to the doorway of the bedroom. "You better start packing, or we'll miss the plane."

"No. Kurt, _you'll_ miss the plane." Josh sighed, looking at Kurt sadly, and shaking his head as he tried to calm down.

Kurt turned, pausing in the doorframe and staring at Josh in disbelief, "What?"

Josh could barely look Kurt in the eyes. He looked so scared, so pained…so _broken. _This wasn't the man Josh knew…he wasn't the man he'd known for months—but tonight—tonight, there was a complete stranger in front of him. Kurt's eyes were scorching—staring daggers at him, waiting for some sort of response.

Josh turned his head up, "What are you running from Kurt?" he asked softly, his auburn eyes meeting with icy blue ones.

Kurt's eyes narrowed. He could feel the familiar stinging feeling in his eyes.

"You're running...aren't you?" Josh said again, his voice rising. He could see Kurt's eyes getting misty, and his face beginning to flush.

Kurt couldn't say a word, his lip quivered as he stared at Josh, his tears threatening to spill over any moment.

"I know about _him_ Kurt. I'm not stupid." Josh looked away, burying his head in his hands "I'd be an idiot if I didn't see it." Josh said coldly.

Kurt's hands let go of the luggage, letting it clatter to the floor loudly. He bit down on his lip so hard he was beginning to taste the metallic tang of blood.

"I think a part of me didn't want to believe it...maybe you were just busy, or work had you out at all hours…I don't know." Josh took a shaky breath, "At one point I thought it had to be my fault, me working all the time." Josh paused before continuing, "But this was never about me was it?"

Kurt couldn't hold it any longer, and he could feel his hot tears spilling over, and stream down his cheeks.

"Am I wrong?" Josh went on, "You love him, so just...just tell me Kurt…who are you running from?"

Kurt could hear Josh's breath hitch at that last part.

"I-I have to go," Kurt stuttered, wiping the tears from his face with his sleeve and turning around. "Your ticket is waiting for you at the counter—you can—you can…" Kurt took a deep breath, "You can get it if you want."

Kurt pushed past the doorway, picking up the fallen luggage and hurrying down the hallway.

"We're over aren't we?" Josh called from the bedroom.

Kurt stopped, blinking back his tears. Kurt looked down at the floor for a split second, before continuing to walk down the hall.

Josh emerged from the bedroom, standing by the doorway as Kurt walked on. "You know it, and I know it...who are we fooling with this?" Josh called, "Going off to Paris isn't going to change anything...You've hurt me, you've hurt yourself...and from what I can tell from the way you're acting now...you've hurt him too."

Kurt turned around slowly, he wanted to yell—he wanted to scream at Josh. He wanted to say he didn't understand, that he had no idea what he was saying…because he _didn't_. He didn't know how hard this was for him, he didn't know how much guilt he felt, and he sure as hell didn't know how difficult _this _was.

Kurt looked down the hall, his eyes falling to the floor.

The tension was beginning to build. Josh stared wordlessly at Kurt, auburn eyes glaring.

"Tell me who it is Kurt…I deserve that much," Josh said, his voice echoing through the penthouse.

Kurt was trembling from where he stood in the hall. "_I love him_…" Kurt whispered.

Josh's eyes flickered for a moment as he absorbed the words. "Then why are you here? Why aren't you with him now?" Josh asked, his voice building, "_Why _did you chose me." He screamed angrily.

"All I do is hurt him…over and over and over again. I don't deserve him." Kurt muttered, his eyes staring down at the floor as he felt the wave of tears flooding his eyes once again.

Josh took a deep breath, his hands balled into fists. "And you don't deserve me…"

Kurt chuckled dryly as he wiped away the tears with the back of his hand, "I don't. I don't think I ever really did. I've hurt you more than I can imagine."

The words hit Josh hard, and he stood staring incredulously at Kurt. "You have no idea how much I loved you."

Kurt smiled sadly, his eyes still locked on the cool marble tiles lining the hall. "No—no, I did…I knew _exactly _how much you loved me…and I always felt guilty that I didn't love you back as much." Kurt lifted his head slowly, catching Josh's expressionless gaze. "And for that…I am _truly _sorry."

Josh stared at Kurt, his mouth hanging open, and watched as he picked up his luggage bag, turned around, and walked toward the front door.

Josh followed Kurt, pausing at the end of the hallway and watched as Kurt opened the door, pulling his luggage past the doorframe.

"And his name is _Blaine." _Kurt said softly, before pulling the door shut.

* * *

><p>Blaine's jaw hung open, as Josh finished up his recollection.<p>

"He—he…" Blaine mumbled, as he ran his fingers through his hair, trying to process everything Josh had just said.

Josh gazed away, "Which is why…I assumed that he'd be with _you._"

Blaine was speechless, "But…he said…I thought—"

Josh took a deep breath, "Nope. He never _chose _me. In his mind, maybe…but in his _heart_, it was always you. We were distant—strangers almost—while you two were doing whatever the fuck you were doing. He picked me because of the _guilt._"

Blaine sat motionless, his eyes staring idly into space.

The two of them sat silently for a few moments, neither knowing what to say.

"He—he's in Paris?" Blaine finally asked, his voice breaking the tense silence.

"No." Josh replied. "He didn't board the flight. I called the airport this morning, and they said both tickets were left at the counter. I don't where he is…but he's gone. He could have taken another flight, he could be here in New York…I don't know where he is."

Blaine pursed his lips together, his eyes narrowing as he thought about _where _Kurt would go. "But…"

"He screwed us both over…" Josh said resentfully, his eyes going dark as he stared at the wall behind Blaine.

"No," Blaine retorted, his eyes narrowing, "Kurt would _never _do this. He wouldn't run."

"He ran, he ran from everything, you need to wake up and face reality—he left us both." Josh said softly, grimacing as he said it.

"No. You're lying. Kurt didn't—he couldn't leave. He—he couldn't." Blaine said, shaking his head, and rising from the table.

"Believe what you will, but…he's gone Blaine. He's gone." Josh replied.

Blaine shook his head, turning away toward the front door, "No. Kurt—Kurt didn't leave. He wouldn't."

Josh watched Blaine turn on his heel and exit the way he'd entered, shaking his head in disbelief and muttering under his breath—slamming the front door as he left.

* * *

><p><em>Passengers, we are now preparing for landing—please fasten your seatbelts and up your seats in an upright position, thank you. <em>

Kurt stared out the window of the plane, his eyes wandering over the lights below him. They were already landing and Kurt was _still _trembling. He chewed on his lower lip, trying to bite back tears that hadn't stopped falling since he boarded.

"Excuse me sir?" A pretty stewardess said, tapping Kurt lightly on the shoulder, "Could you please fasten your seatbelt? We'll be landing soon."

Kurt nodded, brushing at his eyes with the back of his hand, and snapping his seatbelt into place.

Kurt's misty blue eyes looked back out the window as the Plane began to descend through the clouds.

Everything was wrong. Kurt had left his fiancée, his life, his stuff…_everything_. Kurt had backed out of a wedding, left his home, his friends—but all he could think about were those bright hazel eyes. All he could think about was that sweet, low voice saying his name, and those warm hands holding his…all he could think about was _Blaine. _

Kurt sniffed as he brushed at his teary eyes again.

What has he done? He'd run from everything that was ever important in his life. He'd left anything that he'd ever cared about.

Somehow…he'd managed to ruin the best thing to happen in his life…_ever. _

He didn't have the courage to face it.

_Ladies and Gentleman, this is your captain speaking. The weather in Los Angeles is about 65 degrees. We'll be arriving on time in about 10 minutes, so please keep your seatbelts fastened. We_ _hope you enjoyed your flight, and join us again. Please be careful as you remove your luggage from the overhead compartments, some items may have shifted during flight._

* * *

><p><strong>Second Author's Note: Heyyy...so yeah . i'm just going to go hide away to go write the next part and let the reviews roll in. This is to be continued! So stay with me, yeah? I am sooo nervous about everything. I literally just sat down-with no idea what was going to happen and wrote this out, so don't hate me D:<strong>

**The note was obviously inspired by the "Born This Way" Glee ep. after the "Somewhere Only We Know" performance...Those words stuck out with me for a while...and GAH T_T **

**I'll be updating soon, so if you haven't stormed off in a frustrated huff (i'm sorrrryyy), iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou ^.^ I'm sorry there's been so much angst but...it's what my head planned D:**


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while…I had some storyline planning and organizing stuff to do. I'm so grateful to everyone who's stuck with me now til this chapter, it's been a wild (and rather emotional) journey! I really feel **_**so **_**bad when people tell me they cried over a chapter, or an event that happens in the fic, so *hands over tissues* SORRY MY DARLINGS D: I keep saying this but, stick with me till the end okay? **

**I'm a Californian, born and raised so I honestly have no idea about the place, so if I have some geographical inconsistencies or whatever, I'm **_**really **_**sorry. Maybe any New York readers can fill me in. I learned everything I know from watching 'How I Met Your Mother' and 'Friends'. **

**I promise all the sadness will be over really soon! I know it's been a tough couple of chapters, I am **_**reeeallly **_**sorry about that. **

**I think there's only going to be 1 or 2 more chapter left of this fic, so we're almost done! Yay! I've already started working on a new fic, so keep your eyes peeled for that if you're interested! I'm pretty excited about it. **

**Reviews = LOVE! (really, comment, even if you hate it ^.^)**

*****Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters!**

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><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were<strong>

**Chapter 15**

Blaine walked the familiar route to his loft, opting to take the stairs rather than the elevator. Each step felt heavy as he tiredly gripped the handrail to support himself.

Josh's words kept echoing in his ear…_believe what you will, but he's gone Blaine…he's gone._

No, Blaine thought to himself, shaking his head a little too vigorously. He wasn't gone. Kurt wouldn't leave. He wouldn't…he _couldn't. _Not after everything they'd been through together—not after all the promises, and all the plans. Not after those _kisses _and those few rare nights they spent with their arms wrapped tightly around each other—

Blaine stopped, taking a shaky breath. No. He wouldn't.

Blaine blinked back tears as he sighed and slowly sat down on the steps, no longer having the energy or the will power for that final flight of stairs till his floor. There was a part of Blaine that believed Josh—believed that _maybe _he did run. Maybe he couldn't handle the pain, or the guilt, or _whatever. _But then there was another part—the bigger part—that remembered those bright blue eyes burning into his, those eyes that told him they were meant to be together, despite all of the obstacles they'd face to get there.

Blaine rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand, letting out a low, _dark _chuckle. Where the hell was Kurt? He wondered to himself. He could feel the heat starting to rise to his chest—where the _hell _was he? Blaine was tired of this stupid game. He felt _angry. _He had a right to be angry didn't he? After all _he _was the one who has sacrificed everything for Kurt. _He _was the one who'd ended things with Danny, _he _was the one who promised to wait for Kurt to the same—no matter how long it took. Blaine's eyes fell to the floor, his hazel eyes blazing. It was _he _who was left here without any answers.

Blaine took a deep breath and lifted himself up off the stairwell, and drudged up those final few steps to his small loft.

* * *

><p>Blaine pushed the door open, relishing in the image of earlier that morning. Everything was in a mess, just like he'd left it as he bolted out the door.<p>

Blaine sighed heavily as he sunk into the couch, his eyes scanning across the room. Danny's letter was left abandoned on the table. Blaine narrowed his eyes as he stared at it, picking it back up. Blaine stared at the familiar handwriting once again.

* * *

><p><em>Blaine, <em>

_I'm pretty sure you're surprised to be getting a letter from me, of all people. I hope you and Kurt are happy, everything considered, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and I was never really it, was I? You won't believe how many times I tried to be the bigger person and just sit down and write this, so after a lot of struggle, here it is. _

_What you did hurt, but as time has passed, so has the pain, and I'm getting over it. You actually helped me realize a lot about myself. You may not be aware, but I always listened when you said I was never living up to my full potential, or that I was wasting my life doing little things when I could be doing so much more. I never really listened, but in the back of my mind I think I always knew you were right. You may never know how much you've helped me, and for that I decided to help you as well. _

_You are your art Blaine. It is your passion, it is your soul, and it is who you are. That might be why seeing those paintings of him were so painful. I hope they turned out well, and are enjoyed by many. His is truly a face to admire, I'll give you that much. _

_I live in San Francisco now, and I'm adjusting well, dabbling in theater, music, things I've always loved. I showed one of my colleagues your paintings Blaine. I don't know if it was me crossing the line or whatever, but they loved it. If you're ever willing to come out here, my friend Michael Sampson would love to feature you in his art shows. It could be a step in the right direction for you._

_You can ignore this letter if you want, I'd understand. I know New York is where your life is, and where Kurt is, but this opportunity seemed to big not to tell you, so I hope you at the least take it into consideration. _

_I left Michael's contact information here, you can contact him if you'd like, but for our sake, I think it'd be best if we just left it at that. _

_~I wish you the best, _

_Danny Miller_

* * *

><p>Blaine tossed the letter back onto the table, and turned to face out one of the big glass windows of the loft. The usual Brooklyn noise could be heard faintly as the usual hustle and bustle went on—but for some reason, everything just seemed to be so empty, so dark…so alone.<p>

Blaine picked up the letter again. He'd probably read through it ten or more times. Everything about it brought about intense emotions coursing through his body. He felt guilty about hurting Danny, he felt pain as he read Danny's assumption that he and Kurt were together, and he felt lost when it came to the whole art thing.

Blaine swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut as he held the letter, his fingers trembling as they gripped the paper.

In one single day, Blaine felt like his entire world was coming crashing down. He felt confused, angry, betrayed, hurt…nothing was right anymore—if they ever were anyways. Maybe he was just an idiot who'd been too foolish to realize that this was real life and not just a stupid fairytale.

Blaine lay back against the couch, the letter fluttering down to the floor. He closed his eyes, and rubbed his face with his hands, letting out an audible groan.

When he closed his eyes, all he could see was _his face. _Those blue-green eyes sparkling, his porcelain skin glowing—and those pink lips smiling.

Blaine opened his eyes again, and for the first time since he'd woken up that morning, Blaine began to cry—like really, _really, _cry. He couldn't hold it in anymore, he couldn't blink the tears away, and he definitely couldn't just keep pressing the feelings back—it was just too hard. His flood of emotions burst through him like a dam breaking. Blaine let it all out, sobbing shamelessly into his hands.

The empty loft fell dark as the sun began to set. Blaine's crying echoed through the apartment—the sound of his sharp inhales as he desperately tried to catch his breath, almost choking as he did so. His hands trembled as they tried wiping at the tears that flowed faster than he could wipe away, leaving his eyes rimmed red, and bloodshot.

"_Where the fuck are you Kurt?" _Blaine whispered to himself in between sobs, running his fingers through his hair.

* * *

><p>Kurt stood in a daze, staring at the spiraling conveyer belt let out one piece of hideous luggage after the next. A bright <em>LAX Baggage Claim – Flight 86 from New York to Los Angeles, <em>flashed in front of his eyes.

6 hour plane ride and Kurt was still trembling, biting down his lower lips to keep from crying again.

He felt so lost, and scared. He'd spent half the night sitting in the airport, staring up at the giant departure board wondering where he should go—he knew he couldn't go to Paris, because then Josh would know where he was, and where he was staying. He didn't know who to call, because seriously at this point, who would help him, it wasn't exactly the type of situation people found pity on—not that he wanted their pity anyways.

He hoped Josh hated him, he hoped Josh didn't think twice about even considering taking that flight. If Josh hated him, maybe he would feel a tiny sliver of a inch better for what he did.

Kurt had really done it this time. Because of his own stupid flaky mind, he'd managed to ruin the relationships between two of the people he cared about the most in the world. He hurt them both in such a deep, painful way—he didn't know how he'd face _either_ of them ever again.

Kurt wiped his eyes with his sleeve, blinking as his vision blurred back to normal.

_Blaine. _He'd seen the note by now for sure. Kurt could feel the lump in his throat starting to form again as the familiar sting in his eyes began to burn.

If Blaine hated him—which Kurt was pretty much sure he did—he didn't know if he could handle it. Kurt trembled at the thought of Blaine waking up that morning and seeing that stupid note he'd scrawled onto that piece of paper. He could imagine Blaine's confused face as he read it over and over again trying to decipher its meaning.

Kurt's eyes fell, staring at the cold airport floors. Of all the things he could have written, why did he write _that? _What the hell did it mean anyways? _I could never say goodbye to you. _He was stupid—he panicked. He _should_ have written about what a selfish asshole he was, and how he didn't even deserve Blaine, who was always patient…and kind and—

Kurt shook his head.

At the least he should have written that he loved him. He was a coward leaving that note, a stupid, scared little coward. He couldn't even believe he ever thought he deserved Blaine. The Blaine who left his fiancé for him—something he was never able to find the courage to do, who waited for him while he tried to figure out if he'd be able to leave Josh, and stayed with him despite the longevity of time he spent _still _figuring it out.

Kurt spotted his suitcase approaching, and stepped forward, pulling it from the revolving carousal.

Blaine was better off without him, Kurt thought to himself. Besides, all he ever did was hurt him…over and _over _again. Kurt dropped his suitcase onto the floor, gripping the handle in his fingers, and shakily walked toward the airport exits.

* * *

><p>After finally being able to pull himself together, Blaine stumbled into his studio, flicking on the lights, and rubbed his eyes as he stood in the doorway. He blinked as the light flickered for a moment before turning on.<p>

It was the first thing that caught Blaine's gaze as soon as the room was illuminated with the familiar sepia light—that painting of Kurt. It was always there, still half finished, and to be honest, not as great Blaine had envisioned it to be when he'd decided to put the image on canvas.

Blaine sort of figured that maybe there was just no way to capture the way the light hits Kurt's blue-green eyes, making his heartbeat freeze momentarily when they looked at him, or a perfect shade for his porcelain skin, and rose colored lips. Maybe there was no way a person could capture that stunning aura that positively radiated off of him—Blaine sighed, walking toward the painting propped on its easel in the middle of the room, and pulled a stool up in front of it. Maybe it was time for him to accept that he'd never be able to finish the damn thing.

Feeling irritated and angry again, Blaine got up in one quick, frustrated movement, shoving the stool aside, and sending it crashing onto another painting, causing it to knock over onto the floor.

Blaine bit his lower lip as he walked over slowly, picking up the painting and staring at it so intensely he could have burned a hole into it. Blaine felt a shiver up his spine as he flashed back to a few weeks ago when he'd first painted it, and showed it to Kurt.

* * *

><p>"<em>Blaine, what is this? Did you just paint it? I don't remember seeing it the last time I was here." Kurt asked, his eyes running up and down the full canvas, his finger tracing down the painting, admiring Blaine's handiwork. <em>

_Blaine poked his head from behind the current painting he was currently engrossed in. He laughed, rubbing the sweat from his forehead, accidentally smearing a yellow streak across it. _

"_I don't know, kind of felt inspired after out talk, so I went down to Staten Island and painted this cute little house I've always loved. It's nice isn't it?" Blaine said with a smile, grinning at the way Kurt admired the house. _

"_Staten Island?" Kurt repeated, realizing Blaine was alluding to the talk they'd had nights ago about getting a house together with white picket fences and big porches. _

_Kurt stared intently at the pastel blue house, with cute flower bushes surrounding the wooden porch. There was a wary old swing set beside the front door with the fading screen door. The paint on the picket fence had chipped, and it was obvious that the house had gone through a bit over the years._

"_Yeah, well, Manhattan and Brooklyn aren't exactly 'suburb' areas, and I know you have that weird thing against New Jersey—"_

"_Hey, it's not that I have a thing against it…I just—dislike everything about it is all" Kurt sniffed, raising his nose in the air. _

_Blaine chuckled, "Yeah well, I know you probably didn't want to venture too far, so I figured Staten Island was our best shot." Blaine smiled to himself, his eyes falling to his lap, "I know it's like way, way in the future, but I don't know—I was just inspired by the idea of it." _

_Kurt rolled his eyes, "Oh, Blaine…if we're getting a house we are not going to settle for an old cottage thing in Staten." _

_Blaine raised his eyebrows curiously, "We're not?"_

_Kurt laughed, and walked towards Blaine cheerfully, and settled in his lap, "Of course not! You think all of New York is urban and stuff? There are houses in Buffalo, Evans, Carmel, Colonie, maybe even Westchester…I mean, Staten Island really Blaine? Sure there are—" Kurt droned on happily wrapping his arms around Blaine's neck. _

_Blaine cut him off, craning his neck up to plant a kiss to Kurt's lips. He smiled as he pulled back, reaching up and brushing his thumb over Kurt's lower lip. _

_Kurt chuckled, "What was that for?"_

_Blaine pressed his forehead against Kurt's, "You've been thinking about our future house Kurt Hummel?" Blaine asked cheerily, raising his eyebrows a couple times. _

"_Well, I mean—I may have thought about it once or twice," Kurt blushed. _

_Blaine reached around his neck, unwrapping Kurt's hands, and held them against his chest. _

"_I love you Kurt," Blaine said softly, staring up into Kurt's bright blue-green eyes. _

_Kurt smiled back, blushing even more, "I love you too Blaine."_

* * *

><p>Blaine stared angrily at the painting. The memory causing his chest to tighten, and his heart feel like it was about to explode.<p>

Blaine couldn't do it. Everywhere he looked, the studio, the bedroom, the living room…it all reminded him of Kurt. The memories began to flood his mind, causing his lower lip to tremble in a mix of anger and pain.

Blaine shook his head, raking his fingers through his messy curls roughly. _No. _He couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't bare staying one moment in the god damn place,how was he going to wake up here every morning and think about _him, _again and again and _again. _

He stormed out of the studio quickly, walking straight to the living room and grabbing Danny's letter up off the table, and pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. With trembling fingers, Blaine typed out the enclosed number, and pressed call.

"Hello? Mr. Sampson?" Blaine breathed heavily into the phone, a tad breathless, "My name is Blaine Anderson, and I know it's been a few weeks since I _should_ have called you but my—my friend Danny Miller told me to contact you?"

* * *

><p>Kurt stepped out the cab slowly, handing the driver a couple bills, and going around back to haul his luggage out of the trunk.<p>

He looked at the modest LA home, and took a deep breath, hoping to somewhat compose himself before knocking on the door.

As the cab drove away, Kurt pulled his suitcase down the driveway and to the front door, pausing to take a deep breath before stepping in front of the _Welcome _matt, and hesitantly ringing the doorbell.

Maybe he shouldn't be here, he should've checked into a hotel or something, and spare her his grief. What would she say to him when she told him what he'd done? Maybe she'll hate him like pretty much everyone else will when they find out—oh god, what if she already knew? What if Josh called his dad, and his dad had called—

"Kurt?" Mercedes asked curiously, as she opened the front door, smiling a little as she stared her best friend of ten years standing before her.

Kurt bit down on his lower lip to try to stop the quivering, and stared at his friend nervously.

"I wasn't expecting you to…be here…" Mercedes said carefully, noting the obviously distressed state Kurt was in.

Kurt opened his mouth to say something, trembling as he did so.

"Is—is everything okay, Kurt?" Mercedes asked worriedly, her eyebrows knitting together.

"Mercedes—Mercedes…I need to stay here for a while—I—I didn't know who else to call, and I just, it was the next flight out from New York, and I just I can't—" Kurt stuttered, feeling his eyes starting to fill with tears again as he tried to explain the situation, "Please…"

Mercedes' eyes searched Kurt's face for some sense that his words just weren't making right now. His eyes were rimmed red, and his face was puffy from crying for what seemed like _hours. _

"Kurt, calm down. Does Josh know that—" Mercedes began.

Kurt shook his head vigorously, trying to calm down and keep from crying again.

"…Oh." Mercedes replied, immediately grasping the gist of the problem from the look on Kurt's face. "Come here," she said gently, pulling Kurt down into a hug, and ushering him inside.

"You stay as long as you need to baby," Mercedes said soothingly, rubbing circles into Kurt's back as she pulled him into the house.

* * *

><p>Kurt gripped the mug of tea, avoiding Mercedes' eyes as the news settled in. It was silent for a while as Mercedes sat there at the kitchen table, trying to grasp everything Kurt had said.<p>

"Mercedes?" Kurt squeaked nervously, after an uncomfortably long moment of silence.

"You—you cheated on Josh." Mercedes said flatly, as if trying to summarize everything Kurt had said, "On Blaine—from high school…who was also engaged…"

Kurt opened his mouth to say something, but was silenced by Mercedes, who raised up a hand, and continued speaking.

"And then _he _left his fiancé for you…and you promised to do the same, but didn't…"

Kurt felt like he was being stabbed repeatedly in the heart right now. He swallowed, and nodded, staring down at his tea, which was now ice cold.

"But you couldn't leave him, so you left…both of them, and came to LA." Mercedes finished, finally lifting her head and staring incredulously at Kurt.

"Yeah…" Kurt murmured, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

"Oh lord Kurt…" Mercedes said, taking a deep breath, 'You couldn't call me…like…at all during all that time? I mean really?"

Kurt dropped his head in shame, refusing to meet Mercedes' glare.

"What was your plan after flying here?" Mercedes asked, her voice softer this time.

"I know I'll have to tell my family and _everyone…_if they haven't found out already…" Kurt began, "But I just couldn't stay in New York anymore…Blaine—look, I just couldn't bear it anymore." Kurt said finally.

"You can't run away from this Kurt." Mercedes said firmly, reaching across the table and taking Kurt's hands in hers. "You have to deal with this, with Josh, with Blaine…with everything."

Kurt nodded, "I'll settle things with Josh, it'll be tough, but…the way I left things…we'll have a lot to work out."

"And Blaine…?" Mercedes asked, catching Kurt's eyes fall upon hearing the name.

"I think—I think it'd be best if I didn't talk to him anymore, I might jump on the next plane to New York as soon as I hear his voice." Kurt said, his voice shaky.

"It's him isn't it? He's the one." Mercedes murmured, reaching across the table to lift Kurt's chin up so that he'd look at her.

"It was always him Mercedes…always. I couldn't even—I couldn't even say goodbye to him." Kurt whispered, his eyes shining with tears once again.

Mercedes squeezed on her friend's hands.

"He shouldn't put up with me anymore, I can't put him through anymore. I've hurt him so bad I don't know if…I—just can't anymore. The way he looked before…his eyes…_I _did that to him. Me." Kurt wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

"But Kurt—he loved you too, you need to—"

"No," Kurt cut off, "No, I can't. He's better off without me…"

Mercedes thought pressing the situation was enough, and instead got up from her chair, and walked around to Kurt's side, and hugging him tightly.

"You've had a rough night. Come on, I'll show you to the guest room. You should rest, lord knows you need it."


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's note: Hello lovely readers! I know we've been on a rather depressing streak…I apologize. Anyways, it's almost over, I promise! It hurts my Klaine loving heart too, but it seems I'm a **_**terrible **_**fluff writer. I always end up writing angst for some reason…just happens. My mind is awful, but I can never rest until the plot bunnies in my head finally get written out. As soon as a plotline shows up in my head, its almost impossible to change it…**_**almost. **_**I'll reveal that last bit at the **_**very very **_**end in my last author's note. **

**The angst is coming to an end soon, so hang in there my darlings! This **_**should **_**be the second to last chapter, so WHEEEEE! ALMOST DONE! ^.^ **

**Whether you're a new reader, or a reader that's stuck with me from chapter one, I love you very much! We're already onto chapter 16, and you're still here…that amazes me. You've been here through the horribly inconsistent updates, and emotion turmoil that even **_**I **_**didn't think I'd survive. Thank you so, so, SO much! It means the world to me ^.^ **

**Only ONE more chapter to go! :D**

_**(I'd just like to add as a side note…I have no flipping idea how art shows, or fashion magazine interviews go. Even living in LA, I have no broader sense of the musical theater stuff we have going on so, if you're more informed and can spot my mistakes, just take it in stide. I have no idea how San Francisco is like as a city…I've only visited once and I didn't really pick up on much besides how freaking cold it was. There are probably some inaccuracies all over the place about…everything. So please, just bear with me for a little bit—I tried to do my research, I promise. But…I also make stuff up as I go)**_

**Reviews = LOVE! (comment, question, criticism? Feel free to let me know) **

*****Disclaimer: I do not own Glee in any way, shape or form. (:**

* * *

><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were<strong>

**Chapter 16**

_One month later…_

Blaine stared around the small, very _empty_, San Francisco home, brown boxes piled around him. The decision to leave New York was quick. He'd made it almost as soon as he picked up the phone to call to Michael Sampson. In one short 20 minute conversation, Blaine's entire life had turned around. He would move to San Fran, leaving behind everything he'd had in New York, including the building of his new art studio, and start anew. Sampson seemed to be so confident in his art that he promised to organize a gallery dedicated to all his pieces—even offering to have all the art shipped from New York, straight out of his own pocket. He'd even referred Blaine to his realtor and landed him an affordable two bedroom home in the heart of San Francisco.

It all happened so fast that one month later Blaine was _here. _Sitting in the middle of his new _house—_not apartment, not a cheap Brooklyn loft in a compromising neighborhood—but a _home. _

Blaine got to work with Sampson as soon as he'd arrived, cataloging his art pieces, picking which ones to be showcased, and getting settled in the downtown studio they'd set up for him, and adjusting to a completely different city.

He'd been rather lost his first few weeks in the new city, even contemplating asking Sampson if he could get Danny's contact information, but Blaine knew it'd be for all the wrong reasons—Danny had even rather clearly that he didn't want much to do with Blaine anymore now that he was—supposedly—with _Kurt. _

Blaine shook the thought out of his head. He wasn't in New York anymore, and it didn't matter where Kurt was—he'd been clear about what _he _wanted as well.

This was the next step he needed to get over Kurt. He needed to _move on _with his life. He wasn't going to waste time on someone who obviously didn't waste any running from him. He was going to be _happy. _He was finally beginning to get the career he'd always wanted, in this new, beautiful city…and he was having his first show case at the City Art gallery—all dedicated to _his _work in about a week. There wasn't even _time _to wallow over Kurt and the explanation he'd probably never get.

Blaine groaned as he stared around the house again, trying to focus his mind on something other than _Kurt_.

He'd only had time to unpack some clothes, and his toiletries. Everything else was still sealed in their boxes, fresh from Brooklyn. Blaine smiled a little—_that _and the new studio he'd set up in the extra bedroom. It was bigger than the one he'd had in Brooklyn—better lighting too. Blaine had spent hours unpacking all his materials, easels, paints—even his old Brooklyn stool came with him—the very first day he'd moved in.

He grinned as he walked up the stairs, his smile lighting up as soon as he opened the door to the studio—looking like a child who had just unwrapped the biggest box under the Christmas tree. Blaine glanced back to the banister and the stairs that led to the enormous amount of unpacking he had yet to even _touch_.

He could always pack later, Blaine thought to himself, before smiling again and walking into his new studio.

* * *

><p>"No, just have it sent here. I'm in LA, and I'm going to <em>stay <em>in LA okay, Lucy?" Kurt snapped into his phone, sitting in a bathrobe and attempting to pour his cereal into his bowl with one hand, while trying to open the flaps to the milk carton with his other, all while balancing the phone between his shoulder and ear.

Mercedes rolled her eyes as she strolled into the kitchen, grabbing the milk from Kurt's hand, and pouring it into the bowl for him, and taking a spoon from the counter and setting it next to him.

Kurt mouthed a 'thank you' before taking the phone back into his hands. "Yeah it's fine, just fax it here, and I'll review it—and _please _tell me you told Kevin to go over last week's editorial before publishing…"

Mercedes looked at Kurt with an amused expression as she poured herself a cup of coffee, and took a seat across from Kurt at the table.

"Yeah, okay, that's fine—that's fine. I'll make do. Maybe I'll just go down there myself. It wouldn't make sense for him to fly over to New York anyways—wait where is he now anyways?"

Mercedes raised an eyebrow, what was this boy _talking _about?

"Well okay, just call me when you figure out where he is—it can't be _that _hard to get an interview from a designer who's entire fall line failed miserably at last month's fashion week—he's probably hiding away in France of something, trying to avoid the critics," Kurt continued, "Just let me know—please keep in mind I'm 3 hours _earlier _over here—I don't want to be interrupted halfway through my smoked salmon bagels again."

Mercedes smirked as Kurt threw his phone down onto the table. "Smoked salmon bagels?"

Kurt shrugged, "I need to keep up appearances don't I?" looking down miserably at his soggy cereal.

"Are you going to leave the house today then?" Mercedes asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

Kurt pulled his bathrobe closer around his chest, "What's the point?"

"Come on boy! You can't just sit around mopping and working all day. You're in _Los Angeles. _We're like an hours drive from Hollywood! Why don't you go check it out? Come and check out Rehearsals? I worry about you at work you know?"

Kurt grinned at Mercedes—she loved bringing her _work _into any conversation she could. Mercedes had landed leads in several musicals in her time in LA, and was now currently staring at Nikki in a new musical _Beautiful _that was having its successful run in Hollywood's Pantages Theatre.

"No thank you, my jealousy can only contain itself for 3 matinee performances. You are _amazing, _but I refuse to watch you sending me gloating looks in the middle of one of your solo numbers," Kurt said with a laugh, standing up to pour himself a cup of coffee as well.

Mercedes smiled, playfully batting the air in Kurt's direction. "Oh please, says the founder, and head editor of _Vain _magazine…you know I have to see those at the supermarket, and the dentist—even my damn hair stylist subscribes…"

Kurt took a big sip of coffee, letting the warm liquids spread through his body, and shrugged. "I guess…"

"Kurt _please," _Mercedes said, sounding more serious this time, "don't stay around the house anymore. It's been a month, go outside, make some friends, and discover _LA._ There's a lot more to it than the Starbucks a block away._" _

Kurt's eyes fell, and he traces his fingers around the edge of his mug, "Look, I'm just not feeling…I'm not feeling up to it right now. I mean after that phone call with Josh the other night—explaining _everything _to him—I feel like crawling into a hole and just staying there forever."

Mercedes reached across the table to rub Kurt's arm, "Did you contact Blaine yet?"

Kurt's eyes shot up, staring at Mercedes in shock, "What?"

"_Blaine_…" Mercedes replied slowly, raising her eyebrows.

"Mercedes, please drop it." Kurt said quickly, pulling his arm back, "I—I can't okay?"

"Kurt, the boy deserves as answer as much as Josh did, you owe him that much…" Mercedes said sternly.

"Look, its better if I don't…I wouldn't even know—I just…" Kurt took a deep breath, "I can't."

Mercedes pursed her lips together, and turned away, "Fine. It's your call, but…I _really _think that you should—"

"I know, I know," Kurt cut in, "It's just…too hard. What I did was just...I can't."

Mercedes got up from her chair, and grabbed a bagel from the counter. "Well, I have to go okay? Please don't just mope around the house all day—it's starting to depress _me."_

"Don't worry, I might be flying back to New York for a day or two next week—I need to interview Jean Claude the _Third…_" Kurt rolled his eyes as the name rolled off his tongue, "about his disaster of a fall line, and since he's in hiding, my best guess is that he's either hiding in France—or the more likely possibility, visiting his mistress—his _fashion muse_—in New York."

Mercedes laughed as she walked out the kitchen, "Good luck with that!"

"No one should base fashion lines off hookers they meet on the bad side of Manhattan I tell you!" Kurt yelled as Mercedes disappeared around the corner.

Kurt smiled as he heard Mercedes burst into laughter in the other room, and then the click of the front door closing.

The smile faded along with the fading echo of the door, and Kurt was left alone, for yet another day in Mercedes' empty house.

Kurt couldn't even begin to _describe _how grateful he was to Mercedes for helping him—_trying _to help him through this rough time. But no matter how hard he tried, he still couldn't manage to get Blaine out of his mind. As much as he didn't want to, Kurt usually ended up spending his entire day either working on his laptop, and Skyping with the New York office—or the more popular pastime…thinking about _Blaine._

Kurt was jolted out of his thoughts with the sudden sound of his phone vibrating against the kitchen table.

"Lucy?" Kurt asked, resting his elbow against the table, and running his hand through his hair.

"_We got word of where Jean Claude is!"_ Lucy replied cheerily.

"Yes?" Kurt asked flatly, squeezing his eyes shut.

"_His publicist said he'll be in San Francisco next week, he'll be staying at the Fairmont Hotel around Union Square, you know, near all the convention centers and art halls. You won't miss it, I already booked your flight from LA, and I'm faxing the online boarding passes to Mercedes' place now. Have fun!" _

"Perfect…" Kurt groaned, hanging up the phone, "Just Perfect…"

* * *

><p><em>It was perfect, <em>Blaine concluded as he walked through the art gallery. One glorious week later and here he was. _Finally _standing at his own art showcase for later that evening, and surrounded by people hanging up _his _art…it was unbelievable. The gallery was two stories, with blinding white walls, and large glass windows. The walls were lined—every _foot _of it—with his work. Never in his life did Blaine Anderson think that he would proudly be able to showcase his most prized work, for a city's top artists, and art critics—even landing himself a small article in the San Francisco Examiner—well…_ever. _He couldn't even _dream _of this happening to him.

Blaine was startled out of his thoughts as he felt a strong hand clasp around his shoulder.

"Looks good doesn't it?" a tall brunette asked, squeezing his shoulder gently.

"I—Michael…" Blaine began, a grin spreading across his face, "I could have never imagined something like this in my entire _life. _I can't believe this is happening. Thank you so much!"

Michael Sampson smiled, "San Francisco's your city Anderson. I see big things coming your way."

"Big—big things? _This _isn't big to you?" Blaine asked, hardly believing what the man was saying to him.

Michael laughed, "You're too modest, son. This is just the beginning. Now I have to go deal with some stuff for this afternoon, there'll be workers in here all day setting up, so don't be shy if you want them to arrange your pieces in any particular way—this is your event after all."

Blaine's hand flew up to his forehead, as he tried to get a grip on everything that was going on.

"I—I can't thank you enough for this Michael," Blaine said humbly, the smile on his face growing. "I could never, in a million years find a way to express the gratitude I feel—" Blaine began.

"Blaine, I'm going to stop you right there." Michael said softly, patting Blaine on the shoulder, "I know you and uh, Danny, aren't really on friendly terms—or any terms—I don't know the situation, and I never want to—but he's to blame for all this inevitable success. You're talented you know? You just needed someone to push you in the right direction…my direction."

Blaine smiled and watched Michael walk away, the feeling of excitement and nerves still swimming around in the pit of his stomach. Yeah, it _was _Danny who got him here, and for that…Blaine would forever be grateful. Blaine chewed on his lip—but it was clear that that was Danny's final testament to him and through all the guilt and gratitude—he needed to accept that.

Blaine caught a glance of a pair of movers moving by, carrying a familiar painting, "Hey! Wait!" he called after him.

The stunned movers paused, turning around the face Blaine, "I'm sorry Mr. Anderson, is there a problem?" one of them asked.

"Where did you get that?" Blaine asked frantically, his eyes glazed over the portrait.

"The framers just dropped off a couple more paintings, we just move them," the other mover replied, shrugging his shoulders.

"No—it's not even finished, why would this be sent to get framed?" Blaine barked a little too harshly.

The movers shifted uneasily from where they stood, the painting balanced between them.

"Sorry, you're just the movers. I shouldn't have—I shouldn't have yelled." Blaine said apologetically, eyeing the painting with a grimace, barely able to look at the half completed painting of Kurt staring back at him, "I just…this can't be put up, okay? Can you guys just—load it back into the truck or something? I don't—I don't want to see it," Blaine said finally, pressing a finger to his forehead. What a _great_ beginning to his day…

* * *

><p>Kurt had never been so irritated during an interview in his <em>entire <em>career. Jean Claude _the Third _was a piece of work. Whoever is responsible for throwing him into the fashion world should be forced to wear potato sacks or something for the rest of their life, but in Kurt's opinion, they'd _still _probably look better than anything Jean Claude will ever design.

Kurt had flown his ass to San Francisco, and met the arrogant prick at his hotel, and was forced to sit through one of the most grueling interviews of his entire life. He listened to Jean Claude blame everything from the weather to his hooker muse for his recent fall line flop—when honestly…who brings back animal print and clashes it with something as horrendous as neon leggings? Kurt shuddered at the thought. That _muse _must have an interesting wardrobe.

After about 2 hours of getting barely enough printable material from the man who Kurt truly believed only achieved the success he did from his infamous scandals, good looks, and European accent—none of which made up for his atrocious taste in fashion.

Kurt trudged through the hotel lobby after nearly reaching his breaking point with Jean Claude, and literally had to force his legs from not just standing up and just walking his ass out of that ridiculous interview.

Through gritted teeth he thanked him for his time, and promised to have lunch with him again the next time they were in the same city together and somehow managed to leave without slapping the jerk in the face.

Kurt pushed the hotel doors open and faced the brisk San Francisco breeze. He wanted nothing more than to catch the next flight out to Los Angeles and go back to burying himself in his room, and back to now daily routine of waking up, moping around, and sitting in front of the TV watching old movies—but Mercedes was out of town for the next few days for a press thing for her musical, and suggested he take some time for himself, and stay in San Francisco a few more days—"get out of his depressed funk" or whatever.

Kurt groaned as he wrapped the scarf around his neck tighter and walked down the street, absent mindedly looking around the strange new city.

Kurt figured that he'd come to California one day—San Francisco was always at the top of the list, it was known for its theater after all. Kurt had just thought he'd come when he was forty and had time to spare to go to small theater productions and things like that. He never expected his first time to be alone, on business, stranded in a city he barely knew, with no one he _did _know.

The Fairmont Hotel really _was _surrounded by several convention centers that Kurt figured were of great importance to the city and _whatever_—but he just wasn't really in the mood to sight see.

He walked around for what seemed like _ages, _before he stepped onto a less busy street, with modern looking buildings widely spaced apart from each other. Kurt crossed the street, in curiosity, wondering if they could perhaps be a nice boutique or something where he could just splurge on some retail therapy.

As he approached the cluster of buildings, he realized that they were art galleries. His heart began to thump in his chest as the thought of Blaine flooded into his mind. Kurt chewed on his lip as he walked past the buildings, there were several. Kurt peered into the windows as he walked past, noting the mostly empty space, and the few pieces of art hanging on the walls. There were only a few people inside, staring intently at the work, as if expecting something to jump out at them if they stared long enough.

Kurt shook his head and continued walking. The building near the end of the street caught his eye though, unlike the others around it—it seemed like some sort of event was happening at this one. The glass front of the tall two story gallery was filled with people, and Kurt could see people walking around with wine glasses in their hands, and waiters going around with little things with toothpicks stabbed through them on their plates.

Blaine would love this sort of thing, Kurt thought to himself as he walked closer. He paused in front of the building and caught a glimpse of some of the art hanging from those walls. Kurt smiled, when he spotted a painting of a little house off on the wall nearest to the entrance.

_It was so familiar. _Kurt pushed open the gallery door, moving past a few of the other art enthusiasts.

"Yes, the artist is new, this is his first showcase in San Fran, can you believe it?" a woman said to her colleague as he brushed past Kurt.

Kurt could hear the mumblings of everyone around him, saying something about the new artist, but Kurt didn't mind them—instead he walked toward that painting that was _oh too_ recognizable.

Kurt's heart nearly stopped when he finally reached the painting, his mouth falling open as he realized that it was the exact Staten Island house Blaine had painted months ago, also recognizing the familiar signature at the bottom.

Kurt spun around in a panic, his heartbeat thudding in his chest. Nearly all the paintings around him were, or were at least _somewhat _familiar to him. Kurt wasn't exactly the greatest art fanatic, so the fact that he recognized even _one _painting in the damn place meant that—that…

* * *

><p>Blaine happily shook hands with critics and other guests who'd come—invited by Michael, who'd proudly been promoting him as San Francisco's next big artist.<p>

His heart felt like it would burst from pride as he watched people crowding around his work, commenting on its brushwork, and creative outlook. Blaine was practically beaming as other gallery owners patted his shoulder, and asked if he'd like to showcase a few paintings in their own galleries.

"Blaine!" Michael exclaimed, throwing his arm around Blaine cheerfully and handing him a glass of wine, "I'd say this was a success wouldn't you? My clients have never loved _any _other artist I've showcased here better than your work. I've even gotten quite a few bidders—and might I tell you, were _very _generous—wanting your work!"

Blaine smiled, his mouth open in shock, "It's unbelievable. It really, _really_ is."

"Especially that piece over there, that one is _pretty _popular among buyers," Michael said pointing to a painting over by the corner.

"The Central Park one? I didn't think…" Blaine trailed off as his eyes caught onto a familiar head of perfectly gelled hair standing in front of one of his paintings. _It couldn't be…_

"Yes! Apparently San Francisco loved New York!" Michael said happily.

"I—um—could you excuse me for a minute?" Blaine asked, his eyes not tearing away from the familiar figure. He handed Michael his glass of wine, and patted him absent-mindedly on the chest, and walked in a direct bee-line to the brunette.

* * *

><p>"Kurt?" Blaine called out, narrowing his eyes as he weaved through the crowd, dodging waiters holding hors d'oeuvres and people crowding around paintings, mingling with each other.<p>

Kurt could feel his heartbeat freeze in his chest momentarily, recognizing the voice immediately. He whipped his head around to see the familiar curly hair moving though the crowd from across the room towards him. Kurt was frozen where he stood, before finally jumping to his senses and bolting toward the door. What the _hell_ was Blaine doing here in California? He was supposed to be in New York—he was supposed to be on the other side of the country!

"Kurt!" Blaine yelled out again, this time louder, and more aggressively as he pushed past people in pursuit of the taller brunette.

Kurt pushed open the glass gallery door, into the cool San Francisco air, and ran down the street as fast as he could. He could practically hear his pulse pounding in his ears as disappeared around the corner of the art gallery, his eyes darting back and forth for somewhere to go.

He ended up in an empty square behind the gallery, and spotted an alleyway leading to the main street, heading toward it as quickly as possible—when he felt a strong hand grip around his wrist, and pull him back, spinning him around until he was face to face with…_Blaine_.

They stood there, both breathing heavily, eyes locked on one another's. Blaine didn't let go of his tight grasp on Kurt's wrist, as if letting go would send him flying off again.

Blaine narrowed his eyes, his eyebrows knitting together in frustration.

Kurt attempted to pry his arm out of Blaine's hold, but Blaine only held on tighter, pulling him closer to him. He could see Blaine's chest rising and falling, despite being buried beneath his finely tailored suit, while his piercing hazel eyes stared daggers at him.

'Why are you always running from me Kurt?" Blaine asked icily, his eyes never peeling away from Kurt, who was squirming where he stood.

"I wasn't running—" Kurt squeaked.

Blaine let go of Kurt's arm roughly, and stepped back, raking his fingers through his gelled back hair.

"You weren't running? _Really_?" Blaine spat out, looking at Kurt incredulously. "You're kidding me right? You made a freaking dash for the door as soon as you heard me calling your name!"

Kurt bit his lip, and hugged his arms around his chest, staring down at the ground. He could still feel Blaine look fiercely at him, hazel eyes blazing.

"I should go…" Kurt whispered, turning around slowly, and walking away in the opposite direction.

"I deserve an explanation! I mean…above _everything _else, what the hell are you doing in San Francisco anyways? Don't tell me this is where you ended up running off to—of _all _places!" Blaine yelled out, as Kurt walked away.

Kurt paused, feeling tears starting to sting at his eyes.

"You just…you _left, _Kurt. You left without so much as a goodbye or anything…just _gone." _Blaine stood his distance, from his voice didn't falter. "Do you know how that made me feel? Do you know how confused…how _hurt _I was?"

Kurt turned his head glancing behind him.

"Don't leave again without an explanation…" Blaine said again, standing his ground.

Kurt stood there, not knowing whether or not he should turn around. He could feel his lower lip starting to quiver. He couldn't do this right now, he just—he couldn't. He needed to walk away right now or else…or else...

"I loved you." Blaine said, his voice softer this time. "I guess you just…didn't feel the same way…"

When Kurt still refused to reply, Blaine turned to walk away first—before his temper got the best of him. He'd always been a calm person, very collected, and generally cheerful but...it'd been a tough couple of weeks and everyone around Blaine who knew him at all could tell he'd been irritable and bitter for a while.

"You think I didn't love you?" Kurt whispered, barely loud enough for Blaine to hear, turning around to look at Blaine.

Blaine narrowed his eyes, and spun around quickly, striding up to Kurt angrily, "What else was I supposed to think?" He hissed. He was so close to Kurt, Kurt could feel his breath on his cheek.

"I loved you more than you could ever _imagine, _Blaine," Kurt replied, his eyebrows furrowed together in disbelief, "How could you _ever _think I didn't? I know what I did was bad, but I did it _because _I loved you. Couldn't you understand that?"

"No! I couldn't_ fucking_ understand that!" Blaine shot back angrily, his face still barely inches away from Kurt's. "How does leaving without a trace count as an act of love—for some reason that just doesn't register in my mind. Fucking enlighten me!"

Kurt flinched at the remark, stepping back a few steps—the words stabbing through him like knives. He'd never heard Blaine curse so much, especially in such a nasty context. He could feel his body trembling as Blaine pressed his body closer to his, while his eyes stared darkly at him, as if demanding an answer. But beyond the look of sheer rage in his eyes, there was a soft, barely noticeable twinge of sadness beyond the hazel irises—that tiny look of pain, and desperation, masked behind anger—and that itself almost made Kurt's heart drop to the floor.

"I—I…," Kurt stammered, trying to find the right words.

"You…" Blaine repeated, stepping forward, forcing Kurt to step backwards, "…What?"

Kurt's breath hitched as Blaine continued to walk forward. Blaine could be backing him up into a trash can or toward the main street traffic for all he knew.

Kurt kept taking steps backwards as Blaine moved closer, until he felt his back hit the cool hard surface of a wall, his hands immediately falling to his sides and pressing against the building.

"Kurt…," Blaine growled in warning.

Kurt's eyes fell to stare down at the concrete floor, biting his lower lip to keep some sort of restraint on his quivering mouth, and avoid the hard glare of Blaine's burning eyes.

"Do you know what it's been _like _for me these past few weeks? Do you?" Blaine murmured dangerously low, "I was a mess…I couldn't even continue living in the same apartment because I kept thinking about _you. _All the time…I kept thinking about _you." _

Kurt slowly brought his eyes up to stare into Blaine's.

"You never called. You never warned me. I didn't even know where you _were _for god sakes. All I got was a little note…_I'm sorry, but I could never say goodbye to you." _Blaine repeated, "What the hell did that even _mean?_ And how could you just leave like that? You left everything. There was no trace of you left in New York. I just—_" _Blaine continued, his voice getting louder and louder against Kurt's ear.

Kurt pushed back against Blaine's chest, distancing their two bodies from each other. "Stop it!" Kurt burst out angrily, heat starting to rise to his chest. He couldn't stand the way Blaine was talking to him—so cruel and ruthless.

"Why should I?" Blaine spat back, his eyes narrowed. "I don't understand! I mean—why the hell are you even _here?" _

"I don't know…I saw the open gallery and I—I just…" Kurt's voice trailed off, "I didn't know it was your gallery okay? I mean why would you be in California anyways?"

"I asked you the same thing…" Blaine replied flatly.

They stood there in silence, neither knowing what to say next. Kurt leaned back against the wall wondering if he should just walk away, or wait for Blaine's next move. He was beginning to notice Blaine's eyes softening, and his once strong gaze faltering. He looked tired, there were dark circles beneath his eyes, and his skin looked a few shades paler than he last remembered.

Kurt stared down at the ground, "I loved you too…I don't know why you would ever think otherwise."

Kurt waited for another heated remark from Blaine, some comment that he probably deserved, but would kill him inside to hear it. He braced himself, squeezing his eyes shut as he waited, feeling tense from the silence wavering between them.

When he opened his eyes again, Blaine was still close, but standing at a reasonably polite distance.

"Then why did you leave?" Blaine murmured, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, his eyes no longer trying to mask the pain he'd had shielded up behind his anger earlier.

Kurt took a deep breath, "I saw you…that evening before I—before I _left,_" Kurt began, "You looked so…broken to me. I could see how much _pain _I'd put you through after all those weeks. It was…" Kurt paused for another breath, "It was the same look you got every night before I said I had to go home, or that I couldn't stay the night or…whatever."

Blaine listened silently as Kurt spoke, his soft voice was barely audible with the evening San Fran winds beginning to blow.

"I hated myself for making you look like that. I hated how I made you wait for me, I hated how you _still _saw me after all those broken promises I'd said…I hated what you'd become _because_ of me."

Blaine's eyes fell to the pavement.

"I was a coward. I was afraid to leave Josh. He was safe. He loved me, and he took care of me, and he was just…always there I guess. I think somewhere down the line I loved him too…but the feelings faded when _we_ began—maybe even a little bit before that, but I couldn't admit that to myself." Kurt was practically shaking as he said this, his hands pressed against the wall so hard they were trembling too. "I wanted the courage to just tell him everything, so that one day…you and I…we could finally be together without all of these obstacles in our way."

Kurt could see Blaine's distant eyes avoiding him as he spoke, but he didn't interrupt, instead he nodded, signaling Kurt to continue.

"I'll never forgive myself for what I did—especially what I did to you. I…I called Josh about a week ago, after calling all of my family and stuff—informing them about the wedding cancelations. I think it's safe to say he never wants to speak to me again…" Kurt's eyes fell, "But I just…I couldn't call you."

Upon hearing those last few words, Blaine lifted his head, staring curiously at Kurt.

"What do you mean?" he murmured, his eyebrows knitting together.

"I was worried that if I called you—if I heard your voice again…I'd go running back to New York." Kurt said with a bitter smile.

Blaine shook his head in disbelief, "You keep saying that you aren't good enough for me, or that you leaving was better for me…whatever." Blaine said, taking one step closer to Kurt, "But did it _ever _occur to you that I had feelings too? Did you consider how I'd _feel _once I found out you left, without a trace or a sign about why?"

"I just thought that it'd be better for you if I just—" Kurt began.

"How would it _better? _How would losing the one person I was ever truly ever in love with…_better?" _Blaine cried out, moving another step closer to Kurt.

"All I did was hurt you Blaine…" Kurt whispered, his eyes widening as Blaine took yet another step towards him, resting his hand above Kurt's head against the wall, leaning dangerously close.

"Kurt…" Blaine said desperately, his voice tone weary, "You _hurt _me by leaving. Why won't you understand that? Sure I was mad, and upset that you still hadn't left Josh yet, but I was happy that I still had you—granted it was just a part of you, but I had hope that soon we'd—we'd be _together…_but you didn't did you?"

Kurt could feel his eyes starting to fill with tears.

"You _did _choose him. You were willing to go to Paris with him. You were going to marry him, weren't you? _That…_hearing _that…_killed me inside." Blaine said, his voice cold and distant. He stepped away from Kurt, and raked his hands shakily through his hair.

"I thought I could…" Kurt whispered, "But I couldn't…all I could think of was _you._ So I just left…I left everything behind." Kurt stood silently for a moment, "I _did _love you Blaine. I hate knowing you thought differently."

Blaine turned his head away, "I guess it just wasn't enough though, was it?"

Kurt pushed off the wall, and took a step toward Blaine, gently taking Blaine's hands in his.

Blaine's eyes fell onto his hands as Kurt's wrapped around them. He felt a jolt of electricity go up his arm and through his entire body. His heart started to pound in his chest...he shook his head vigorously. _No_—he wasn't doing this now. He slipped his hands out of Kurt's grasp and slid them into his front pockets.

Kurt bit his lip at Blaine's sudden reaction.

Blaine looked up into Kurt's gleaming blue-green eyes, glazed with forming tears. "You know what sucks about this whole situation? Me, here, standing in front of you?" Blaine stared away, his voice dropping softer—a more pained tone, "Seeing you again after all that's happened?—I realize that I'm still fucking in love with you, and I can't _stand _that."

Kurt's mouth fell open in shock—did he just say that he was—

"I have to go…" Blaine said heavily, his body turning to walk back toward the front of the gallery, his eyes being the last part of him to peel away from Kurt.

Kurt just stood there, frozen to his place, unable to remember how to move his arms or legs—or even how to speak. He watched Blaine disappear around the corner, his head ducked down, with a hand resting in his front pocket, while the other wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.

He could feel the tears starting to sting behind his eyes. With one blink, the dam broke, and the tears flowed shamelessly down his cheeks. His knees finally gave out, and Kurt slid down the wall, his head falling into his hands.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Second Note: I know, more angst right? Ansty author is ansty…my apologies. I promise this is abouuuut it…ish. It'll carry over onto the next chapter, but it should be over soon. I know its been a lot to take in these past few chapters and I'm sorry! I'll be updating soon ^.^ <strong>

**Next chaper will be the finale! So yayyyyyy! **


	17. Finale  Part 1

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry for the **_**loooong **_**wait…but…IT'S THE FINALE PART 1! WOOOOOT! So yeah, I've had part 1 sitting in my documents for a few days now, as I struggle with part 2. I wanted to post them both at the same time but I suddenly realized that I haven't updated in over two weeks and that wasn't fair to the people who've been following the story for a while, so I decided to just split the finale and have the 2****nd**** part out as soon as possible. I really, **_**really **_**am sorry for the long wait!**

**Reviews = LOVE! **

*****Disclaimer: I do not own Glee in the slightest =P**

* * *

><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were <strong>

**Finale – Part 1**

Kurt stared at the address scribbled on the hotel room stationary. He sat anxiously on the bed, his right hand was still wrapped around his phone—even though the conversation had ended nearly twenty minutes ago—while his left hand still clutched onto the notepad.

Kurt took a deep breath before ripping the piece of paper with the address from the pad, and grabbing his coat off the chair.

He was going to go. He was going to say what he needed to say, and that was that. He would say it and be on the next fight out to LA. Kurt knew would never be able to live with himself—not that life was just sunshine and rainbows as it _was_—but after that…_confrontation _with Blaine the other day, Kurt had to apologize—the right way.

He was nervous. Kurt was really_, really, _nervous. Getting the address to Blaine's art studio was easy. A couple of phone calls to the art gallery's main office and a couple of questions, and the address was a given. The hard part was actually _going, _and speaking to Blaine. Their last conversation wasn't exactly the most cheery conversation they've shared, and Kurt was still feeling rather emotionally confused by the whole ordeal. Blaine seemed to loathe him, and yet—he still loved him? It was difficult to process, and Kurt still didn't know where they stood, but nevertheless he had to go and at least try to patch up this mess.

Kurt pulled his coat on, and headed out the door, still running lines in his head as he tried to figure out what _exactly _he planned to say when he got there.

_I know you probably hate me for running like a coward and never saying goodbye, but let's just try and work things out. _No. That won't do. _Hey, Blaine. Sorry for leading you on for months and then backing out at the last minute. I did it because I thought it was the best option at the time. Want to take it over a cup of coffee? _Definitely not. _I'm still hopelessly in love with you, even though I don't deserve you I want to give it another try, if you'll let me. _Never in a million years.

Kurt hesitated as he placed his hand on the hotel room's door handle, wondering to himself whether or not he could actually do this. I mean, what will he say when I show up? Will he tell me to leave immediately? Will he just ignore me when if I try to speak to him?

Kurt took a deep steadying breath before finally pulling open the door and walked out into the hallway.

He was doing this. Even if things get even worse than they already are, Kurt wasn't going to run away from the problem again. Blaine didn't deserve that from his twice. It was a twist in fate that Kurt happened to walk into that art gallery, and he wasn't going to pass up the chance to make things right—even if it was a slim, _slim _chance.

* * *

><p>Blaine was supposed to be happy. He'd successfully showcased his very first art gallery, sold a number of them to <em>very <em>generous buyers, and had earned himself a rather impressive starting reputation here in San Francisco. He was even sure that there were some international buyers there taking a look at his work as well. Everything Blaine could ever dream of his career becoming was happening, and yet, he still didn't feel happy—not even in the slightest.

He may have moved across the country, but there was _still _something he could never move away from, no matter how hard he tried.

He stared idly at the painting, propped up in the middle of the room.

This studio was new, and even though he got most of his stuff shipped in from New York it was still rather empty besides a few paintings stacked against the walls, some tubes of paint and a few brushes on the shelves, and a couple dozen easels set up around the room with a paintings resting on them.

He should probably be working, trying to come up with a couple more decent paintings to give to the other gallery owners from last night who had also asked to hang up a few of his work in their galleries but all Blaine was able to do that morning at just stare at _it. _

_It _had found itself right back in Blaine's face, despite his efforts to free himself from it. That damn painting of Kurt. The half-finished, dull, completely awful painting—that pretty much had no resemblance to Kurt, despite the fact that it _was_ a portrait of Kurt—was propped up in the middle of the room, as if its sole purpose was to mock Blaine and make him feel even more miserable than he was already.

Blaine sat on his stool in front of the painting, just _staring _at it. He thought of his encounter with Kurt yesterday. He remembered his bitter words, and the look on Kurt's face. That wasn't Blaine. _Blaine _wanted to hold Kurt and ask him why he hurt him. _Blaine _wanted to look into those glassy blue eyes and figure out if Kurt still loved him. _Blaine _wanted to break down and demand why Kurt left, just to come back again—completely shattering the resolve he's taken weeks to _barely_ get back.

He acted harshly, cruelly. He remembered hearing Kurt choke back sobs as he rounded the corner, and he didn't turn around—didn't even glance back—but he knew what he'd done.

Blaine sighed. The anger compelled him. Seeing Kurt again…all the past emotions he'd bottled up came pouring out all at once. All the things he'd kept buried in his heart suddenly exploded, and he just…he couldn't control it. All the questions he'd been asking himself erupted, and in an instant he was a whole different person.

Blaine looked back up at his painting. _How did things get this bad?_

* * *

><p>The cab pulled up in front of a small one story building on a quiet street, with a few other building distantly spaced from it. It was rather obvious they were art buildings. There were colorful murals plastered on the outer walls, with artistic swirls and elaborate patterns all around. Blaine's building had stunning abstract patterns painted around it.<p>

It looked amazing against the setting sun, Kurt observed—and then it hit him. The sun was setting. What if Blaine had gone home? It was already getting pretty late, and it would be getting dark soon.

Kurt mentally kicked himself for putting this off all afternoon. He was nervous about this, and he still hadn't quite mastered what _exactly _he was going to say to Blaine when he saw him. It would be awful for him to wait another nerve-wracking day.

There was something Blaine had said the other day—well two things that stuck to him, I mean Blaine had also said he was still in love with him—but _this _particular thing upset him deeply.

He thought _Kurt_ didn't love_ him_ back. And that stung.

After a lot of consideration, it was apparent to him that Blaine might have had a point—his actions weren't exactly the picture of _love _and_ affection. _And sure, Kurt had given it some thought, and perhaps it would've been a good idea for Blaine to just go on thinking it—and maybe then he'd be able to move on easier, and forget about Kurt. Except the thought alone devastated Kurt and he pointedly decided that even though Blaine probably despised him immensely now, he needed to make sure Blaine knew he'd always loved him. Because he really, _really _did. He _needed _to know at least that.

Kurt walked up to the main entrance hesitantly, and pulled open the doors.

The door opened into a dark narrow hallway, with two doors on either side. Kurt spotted a dimly lit light at the back on the building—the last door of the hallways.

Kurt took a deep breath and walked towards it, suddenly aware of how loud his footsteps were as they echoed through the building.

Kurt's breath hitched as he caught a glimpse of the room, the door left wide open. Kurt ducked behind the doorframe for a moment, just staring at Blaine who was just idly cleaning paintbrushes in a sink.

Kurt's eyes followed him as he set the paintbrushes back into a can on a shelf with a sigh, and walked toward the center to the room, murmuring something to himself under his breath. Kurt's breathing started to get heavier as the nervousness began building up.

Blaine paused, furrowing his eyebrows. He thought he heard something.

"Is anyone out there?" Blaine called out. His voice echoed through his studio. He peered toward the door, knowing for _certain_ he just heard someone take a shaky breath right outside his door.

Kurt stepped forward knocking gently on the open wooden door, cautiously meeting Blaine's eyes.

Blaine blinked a few times, and rubbed at his eyes. "Kurt? What are you…?"

"Hi," Kurt said, attempting a smile, but letting it fade as he caught Blaine's hard eyes. "I just—I thought that…um. Well I was wondering if we could um—please talk?" Kurt asked softly, fumbling with his words nervously, shifting his weight between his feet as he stood awkwardly at the doorway.

Blaine stared at him for a moment, his expression unreadable. His hazel eyes narrowed in confusion as he gazed at him, his head slightly tilted to the side. Kurt's heart froze momentarily in his chest as Blaine's eyes wandered over him. Kurt could just _feel _Blaine's eyes on him—and it was starting to make him uncomfortable not knowing what was going through his mind as his eyes fixed on him.

Blaine shook his head quickly, and pulled his gaze away. He pulled an old towel from a nearby shelf and rubbed at his damp, paint covered hands, avoiding Kurt's gaze.

"What are doing here, Kurt?" Blaine asked coldly, turning away from Kurt who still remained frozen at the doorway, and walked deeper into the room.

"I just thought that maybe—maybe we should talk before I go back to LA." Kurt replied, trying to keep his voice even, "…especially after what happened yesterday."

Blaine turned to face Kurt. His eyes were dark as he glowered at Kurt, feeling his patience starting to shatter. Why was Kurt here? Hadn't they said enough to each other yesterday? What was there left to say?

Blaine could sense Kurt's urgency as he walked timidly into the room, silently begging him to just hear him out.

"Okay…" Blaine murmured, his voice soft but threatening, "Then _talk._"

"Well first—I'm not sure if you want to talk about it or not, but I can't get it out of my mind—it's about what—what you said yesterday…" Kurt began cautiously, looking up at Blaine. God, how was he supposed to ask this? _What did you mean when you said you were still in love with me yesterday? Did you really mean it? And…why did it hurt me so much when you said it, even though it'd been the one thing I wanted to hear most from you?_

Blaine was staring at him impatiently. He could feel the uncontrollable anger washing over him once again.

"About um, about—" Kurt couldn't bring himself to say it.

"About what Kurt?" Blaine hissed. His patience was finally starting to run thin and suddenly he could feel the heat rising to his chest as yesterday's events began flooding his memory. He stepped closer to Kurt, hazel locked on misty blue, "About _why _you left me without a warning, or even an _explanation_?"

"—I tried to explain why I—"

"About why you ran from New York before I could find you and just _ask _you about what the hell that note meant, if you were coming back, or where we even stood in our relationship—if it could even be _counted _as one?"

Kurt looked like he was going to burst into tears. Blaine's harsh sarcastic tone pierced through him like knives, and he started to back away but Blaine just walked closer and closer, making him feel more and more anxious. He chewed on his lip so hard he was beginning to taste the metallic tang of blood in his mouth.

Blaine kept coming closer, barely able to contain his rage that had suddenly overpowered him. His voice was shaking as he tried to keep a _little bit _of composure, but that was shattering by the second, replaced by anger that was quickly bubbling to the surface.

"—the note was supposed to mean that—" Kurt squeaked.

"How about you telling me you loved me, _fucked _me, and then just left? What was I supposed to think? Did you just want one last easy lay before you skipped town? Was that what it was? If you didn't think I felt cheap enough already being your secret little mistress, let me tell you, after _that _night, I really, _really _started to feel it."

"—no of course not, I never meant for it to be like—" Kurt was trembling, his eyes were stinging, and he felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest.

Blaine stepped forward one last time, barely a foot away from Kurt. "Then _what_—Kurt, if you would _please _enlighten me—the hell are you doing here?"

Kurt really did start to cry just then, not even able to look Blaine in the eyes. He could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks as he inhaled sharply and loudly despite his efforts to stay silent. He wanted desperately to bolt out of the room right then so he wouldn't have to hear Blaine's harsh words, but he reminded himself that he was here to say something—and he wasn't leaving here without Blaine knowing it.

Blaine's eyes softened for a millisecond as he saw Kurt's tears start to fall. He let out a breath of frustration and turned to walk to the other side of the room, his hands raking through his curls.

"Just go Kurt, I've had enough." Blaine muttered, turning away so he wouldn't have to see Kurt crying.

"Blaine…" Kurt choked out, barely loud enough for him to hear, "Blaine wait. Please. I need to say something-_please_."

Blaine turned around to face Kurt slowly, "What is there more to hear Kurt? I feel like I've heard it all. What could you _possibly _say that will make this situation _any _better?"

Kurt tried desperately to compose himself and say what he'd come here to say. He wiped at the stubbornly falling tears and steadied his breath until his breathing was heavy and slow. He lifted his eyes to meet Blaine's across the room.

Kurt took a deep breath before beginning.

"You were right. I was selfish. I was very, _very _selfish—on many accounts. I was selfish because I couldn't leave Josh. I wasn't brave enough to come clean to him like you did with Danny. I was selfish because I fled as soon as I could so I wouldn't have to face you again.._."_ Though he was still shaking, Kurt's mind began to clear up and he was determined to make sure Blaine heard this before he went back to LA.

Blaine listened in silence.

"I was especially selfish when I made love to you that night. Yes—_made love—_not just fucking, or an easy lay," Kurt shuddered at what Blaine must have thought his intentions were that night, "I did it because, I wanted to one last time before I left. I wanted to _be _with you one more time before I let you go—and that was _incredibly_ selfish on my part."

Blaine's eyes never broke away from Kurt's, but his expression was still hard. Kurt felt uneasy with the dark eyes narrowed at him at he spoke, but at least he was listening now.

Kurt cleared his throat nervously before continuing. "But what you don't understand, and what you may never understand is that I didn't _choose _him. I could never choose him while I had you. I loved you, and I wanted to be with you. I wanted to spend the rest of my _life _with you! I couldn't get you out of my mind for months when I _should _have been trying to figure out my life with Josh. I spent all that time trying to figure out who to choose—but I realize now—I did choose, I just…I was too scared to admit it."

Blaine's eyes softened and fell to gaze at the floor, but he still didn't speak.

"I so _desperately _wanted to just run off with you, but—but I still cared about Josh. He hadn't done anything wrong, and he still wanted me even after he found out about you—for a little while at least. And the guilt was overwhelming."

Kurt took a deep breath, his eyes still locked on Blaine, even though it seemed Blaine could no longer meet his eyes.

"I didn't leave you because I wanted Josh. I left because you were better off without me. I know you don't get that part but, to me, I had to do it." Kurt's lips curled into a sad smile, "You're a kind person, Blaine. You're kind, gentle, and loving. You always were, and—I know—you still _are_." Kurt swallowed. "I was afraid I would break that genuineness about you that I loved so much. Even now, you've become so bitter and angry—and I _know _it's all my fault. I hate that."

Blaine could feel his eyes starting to dampen as he listened to Kurt speak.

"I am selfish Blaine. I'll admit that. But I will _never _let you believe I didn't love you. I really need you to know that. And I mean I still…" Kurt trailed off.

"What?" Blaine asked softly, when Kurt didn't finish, gazing at him from across the room.

Kurt smiled bitterly, and averted his gaze to one of Blaine's paintings, "I'm still selfish. I still want to be with you. I still want that damn house with the fence and the dog. I still want to be _yours, _and I still want you to be _mine._ I still love you Blaine. I'm still _in love _with you, and I will be for the rest of my life. What I feel for you is something I could never feel with _anyone _else—ever."

Blaine's eyes widened.

"But I'm done. I'm done being selfish. I've hurt you more than I could even _begin _to imagine. I've put you through so much." Kurt took a shaky breath, "I just—I came here today to tell you that….I want you to be happy_._ No—I _need _you to be happy. I ruined so much of your life, and now, you need to move on and be happy, and find someone who deserves you—someone who won't hurt you…like I did."

Kurt could feel the tears starting to well up again.

"I know I ruined _us, _but I won't ruin you. I want you to be happy Blaine, really, really—_genuinely—_happy."

Blaine gazed down at the ground for a few moments. He could feel Kurt's hazy eyes on him, waiting in anticipation for him to say something in response. He should say something—he _knew _he _had _to say something. But he couldn't find the right words, so he just…stared at the floor.

Kurt sighed and took one last look as Blaine, his footsteps echoing through the room as he walked towards the door.

Blaine stared at Kurt as he turned to leave. He chewed on his lip as he stood there thinking, his teeth digging deeper into his lip. What was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to tell Kurt to wait so he could respond to what he'd just said? But then what? How could he respond to that? He didn't even know how he _felt _about that.

"I can't paint you." Blaine said flatly before Kurt reached the exit, his eyes falling, looked defeated and sad.

Kurt turned around, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Wh—what?"

"I can't paint you." Blaine repeated, lifting his head to look at Kurt.

"What does that mean?" Kurt asked slowly, glancing around the studio at the paintings littered around the place as if they somehow held the clue to what Blaine was saying.

"I don't know." Blaine replied. He walked over to the center of the room, Kurt's eyes following him as he did so.

"This painting—I've been working on it since…I don't know…after we kissed for the first time in your office." Blaine said idly, stepping in front of it, his eyes narrowed as he stared at it loathingly.

Kurt walked over to where Blaine was, keeping a safe distance behind him, but still in view of the painting.

It obviously _was _a painting of him, but if you told him it was some random model, Kurt probably would have believed you too. It was rather vague in detail, but perhaps it was because it wasn't even complete. Only the eyes and some shading on the face and hair were done, and it looked like it'd weathered quite a bit over time. The edges were a little wrinkled, and the canvas was a little dusty. Kurt thought it was beautiful.

"I've never been able to get it _right." _Blaine said, more to himself than to Kurt._ "_Even though I couldn't get you out of my mind—when we started our _thing, _when we had our secret meet ups, when I was going through troubles with Danny, and even when you'd promised to leave Josh so we could be together—you were _always _on my mind. But, I was never able to get it right even then—and I _still _can't. I've tried dozens and dozens of times, but I couldn't even bare to look at them—they were that bad. This is the only one that's still here. I guess someone sent it here from New York."

"I—I'm sorry." Kurt whispered, not knowing how to respond.

Blaine broke his gaze away from the painting and turned to look at Kurt.

"Now that I think about it though, I think I might have figured out why I could never get it right. It was because _we _were never right. In the beginning, you didn't want me, because, well, we were both engaged. When we started seeing each other irregardless, you were never really mine to paint. When you told me you _were _mine, I still knew you were with him. And then you left me, and then I _knew _you weren't mine…which is why I _still _can't paint you."

Kurt blinked. He could see the distress on Blaine's face as he stared bitterly at the painting.

"But Blaine, it's _okay_, it doesn't matter. You're a brilliant artist. You're talented and creative, and…your work is magnificent." Kurt looked to the painting still propped up on its easel, "This isn't worth your time."

Blaine shook his head, "You don't understand Kurt. This—this _bothered _me. It—it nearly drove me insane. My _art _is my passion, and my soul. It killed me inside that I couldn't paint you. _You._" Blaine's eyes were burning hazel gold, "How could I not paint someone who _was _my passion and soul?"

Kurt stood there gaping at Blaine incredulously, feeling his emotions flooding his entire body.

"You weren't mine. You weren't mine to have. I was foolish to think you were," Blaine's eyes fell sullen as he shifted his glance back to the painting.

"Well…" Kurt cleared his throat, tilting his head to look past the back of Blaine's head and at the painting and said softly, "In my mind, I've always been yours. I love you Blaine. It was you, always just you. I'm sorry I didn't show it—things were _complicated._"

Blaine turned to look at Kurt, his eyes burning hazel and gold.

"I've never loved anyone like I love you. I don't think I ever will. You had, and will forever have my heart Blaine. I know it probably doesn't mean much to you now but, you're the love of my life."

Kurt smiled sadly, "and your painting is beautiful, Blaine," he said simply, looking distantly past Blaine, his eyes focused on the painting, not noticing Blaine's glowing hazel eyes locked on him. "It really is."

Blaine stared at Kurt incredulously, his mouth falling open slightly.

"I—you…" Blaine began, unable to turn his gaze away from Kurt, his eyes just _blazing. _

In an instant Blaine was striding toward Kurt, seizing him by the waist and pushing him back against the nearest wall of the studio—practically slamming him against it—and kissing him _hard. _The nearby shelves shook on impact, and a few paintbrushes fell to the floor. Something in Blaine just snapped and suddenly his lips were roughly pressed against Kurt's as he pinned him against the wall, his hands reached up to cup his cheeks.

Kurt was _very _taken aback from Blaine's unexpected kiss, his hands immediately pressing flat against the wall. His heart was pounding in his chest and practically ringing in his ears as he felt Blaine's hands slide up his body to cup his cheeks. He could feel all the blood flushing to his face at the touch, and he seemed to forget how to breathe. He couldn't even _move._

But the moment was over as quickly as he begun and Kurt felt Blaine's hands slip from his face, and his soft lips break away from his.

Blaine was breathing hard, his hand now pressed firmly against the wall next to Kurt's face as he leaned against it. He had his head ducked down—nearly resting on Kurt's shoulder—refusing to meet the flustered blue eyes peering at him, completely stunned.

What had he just _done? _

The room was silent with nothing but the sounds of their heavy breathing.

Blaine took a shaky breath, unable to look up at the man he still had pinned to the wall. He needed to steady his breathing and just _think _for a sec—if he'd learned anything from this entire thing with Kurt, and everything that he's had to go through because of it—it was not to act on impulses.

He wasn't going to drag them into this again. And as much as Blaine wanted to finally be able to hold onto Kurt again after so long and just _kiss _him…_touch _him—he knew he shouldn't. He _couldn't. _He wasn't doing this—not again. He'd gone through too much to do this again.

Blaine could feel Kurt shifting uncomfortably against the wall, not knowing what to do with Blaine's weight still pressed against him.

Blaine pushed away from Kurt, and just collapsed on the floor beside Kurt, his head hanging down, back against the wall, and his hands folded behind his neck in frustration. He pulled his

Kurt slid down the wall uneasily, his knees giving out as soon as Blaine stepped away, still feeling rather shaken up from the drastic change of events. He glanced over at Blaine hesitantly—he looked like he was having some sort of internal battle with himself, his eyes squeezed together tightly, and lips pursed together tensely.

Kurt didn't know what to say—if he was _supposed_ to say anything at all. He took a deep breath, his hands clasped together in his lap as he stared idly at the ground. How did this _happen?_

They sat there for a while. Blaine hadn't budged, and Kurt didn't say a word.

Blaine growled suddenly, his eyes blinking open and scanned around. His eyes locked on Kurt, who was now sitting right beside him.

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows, and looked at Blaine intently, waiting for him to say something—_anything_. There was a mysterious glint in Blaine's hazel eyes as he stared back at misty blue ones. Kurt couldn't read it, but it was making him even more uneasy than he already was.

"Blaine is everything al—" Kurt began after an uncomfortably long period of silence.

"—I'm sorry—" Blaine said at the same time, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on them, and turning slightly to meet Kurt's eyes.

The two of them looked at each other for a second, feeling the tension starting to build between them again.

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I shouldn't have done that." Blaine muttered, looking away and resting his forehead on his hand.

Kurt shook his head, "No, no…it's um—it's okay. I just don't really…_understand_…" Kurt trailed off.

"Well, that makes two of us." Blaine stated flatly, his eyes falling to the ground again.

"Why did you do that?" Kurt whispered, peering at Blaine, his head cocked to the side.

Blaine couldn't answer, and once again silence hung over them, penetrated only by the sounds of the car or two that happened to drive by, and the distant buzz of the city beyond the walls of the small art studio.

"I don't know," Blaine replied, as he got to his feet, "…but I think need some air."

Kurt watched Blaine stand up and walk towards to entrance. He let his eyes fall for a moment. He was still feeling rather light headed from it all. He jumped slightly at the sound of Blaine pushing open the main door and stepping out into the cool San Francisco air. It took a moment, but eventually Kurt scrambled to his feet to find where Blaine had gone off to.

* * *

><p>Blaine was standing out in the front, his hands clasped behind his neck again as he paced back and forth, muttering something to himself under his breath.<p>

Kurt stood at a safe distance, wringing his hands as he watched Blaine pace.

Kurt didn't know what to think at this point. His lips were still tingling from—from that _kiss. _Kurt had almost forgotten that jolt of electricity he felt whenever his lips met Blaine's. He forgot how soft Blaine's lips were, and how they always seemed to fit into his just _perfectly. _He'd almost forgotten the way one of Blaine's hands would touched his cheek, while the other had trailed down to his collarbone—it was _amazing. _He'd missed that feeling. He missed it all. He missed the way Blaine stared into his eyes right before he kissed him, and then feel that light brush of his eyelashes grazing against his cheek, and—

Just then, Blaine stopped pacing, and strode forward to Kurt. In one swift movement, Blaine wrapped one arm behind Kurt's waist, pulling him close. Kurt's breath hitched as Blaine pressed their foreheads together. He could feel Blaine breath against his. In a split second, Blaine caught Kurt's mouth in his.

Kurt's brain turned to mush, and all he could manage to do with fist his hands into Blaine's shirt, trying to pull him even _closer_, if possible_._ Blaine's other hand came up to rest on Kurt's neck, his thumb reaching up to stroke Kurt's cheek.

Again, the kiss didn't last, and Blaine released him, leaving Kurt stunned, confused, and just about _trembling_ from this whirl of sensation and emotion.

Blaine spun around, his back turned to Kurt, with his hands tangling in his hair as he screamed.

"DAMN IT!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, his voice echoing down the street.

Kurt was still shaking, as he hugged his arms across his chest. What was Blaine doing? First he kisses him, and he doesn't say a word. Then he kisses him _again_, and now he's screaming angrily for the whole block to hear? What the _hell _was going on with him and all his mixed signals? Kurt wanted to cry, or yell at Blaine for messing with his feelings—even though he knew that this was probably only a _fraction _of the emotional turmoil Kurt had put Blaine through. Perhaps he was just toying with him. Maybe this was some sort of sick revenge plot to get back at him for the way—

"GOD DAMN IT!" Blaine cried out again, turning around again and storming up towards him once again.

Blaine's eyes were blazing as he his hands grabbed onto both sides of Kurt's arms, and stared at him intensely.

"_Damn it_ Kurt…" Blaine whispered, his eyes tearing up angrily as his grip tightened and he looked into Kurt's eyes desperately.

Kurt could see the anger quickly draining from his face and replaced by vulnerable tears of fear and frustration.

"Blaine…" Kurt said shakily, his lower lip quivering as he felt his own emotions starting to spill over.

Blaine tried to blink away his tears—but no luck. They rolled down his cheek nevertheless, even despite his stubborn efforts to wipe them away before Kurt could see.

Kurt reached out and grabbed his hand as he tried to wipe at his eyes once more, and tilting his head down to try and meet Blaine's eyes.

"Stop." Kurt whispered, feeling Blaine starting to tense up.

Kurt was blinking furiously as well, his own eyes beginning to look glassy. "What—what's happening right now?"

Blaine looked up at Kurt, and swallowed hesitantly, his eyelashes wet with tears.

"I meant what I said yesterday," Blaine murmured under his breath, "I _am _still in love with you. I feel it whenever I look at you. I feel it whenever I even _think _about you." Blaine looked up slowly to meet the Kurt's gaze. "But I don't want to. I shouldn't. I…_really _shouldn't." Blaine shook his head, "We—_us_—it was painful. It was one of the most painful experiences i've ever had to go through. I can't do that again. I thought that if I ever saw you again, I'd just feel the _pain _that you caused. I thought I could take one look at you and just feel…_hatred._ And if I did, then I could finally _get over _you. I could just move on!_" _

Kurt bit his lip as his eyes squeezed shut, releasing the flood of tears that had been swelling beneath his eyelids.

"But I don't. I don't feel it. I look at you, and I just—I just…" Blaine looked away bitterly. "You came in today. You just walked _right in. _And when I saw you there, standing in the doorway. My heart stopped for a second. It really did. And I hate that. I hate how you still have that effect on me. I hate how—despite everything—you still managed to take my breath away when you step into a room."

Blaine was looking at him angrily, but Kurt could see the pain behind it all. Kurt could always see the pain masked behind the anger—and it _killed _him inside knowing he was behind it.

"I never stopped loving you Blaine…" Kurt whispered. "I said it before, and I'll say it forever. I _love _you."

"But then I think about everything that's happened. I think about how foolish I was for agreeing to see you, even though we were both in relationships," Blaine continued, disregarding what Kurt had just said.

Kurt reached out to take Blaine's hand hesitantly. "Blaine…_please…_"

Blaine turned away, pulling his hand away stubbornly, and taking a few steps away from Kurt.

"…And I think about how stupid I was to think I could just see you until one of us got married, and just move on like it never happened." Blaine was blinking back tears again, but Kurt couldn't see them with his back turned to him.

"I can't _stop _thinking about what could have been. I can't stop thinking about your promise, and how you broke it—just like that! I will never be able to forget that morning when I woke up and realized _oh, _you weren't coming back." Blaine could feel Kurt walking towards him slowly.

Blaine's eyes squeezed shut as he felt Kurt's hands intertwine with his from behind, but he didn't pull away this time.

"But…I _still _am in love with you…and I don't know why." Blaine said, so softly it was barely audible.

Blaine turned around, slowly lifting his eyes to meet Kurt's.

Kurt looked into the misty hazel eyes, rimmed red from crying.

"I don't know what to do Kurt," he whispered, his voice hoarse, "I just…I don't know what to do."

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><p><strong>Author's Second Note: AHHH! Next chapter will be the end, I promise! And it'll be out sooooon, I have most of it written up already (: <strong>

**The angst will stop. I promise. (I') **

**Let me know what you think with a review! **


	18. Finale Part 2

**Author's Note: First of all, I'd like to apologize for waiting suuuuch a long time to update D: Life got in the way and I was unable to write for a while as I dealt with all this stuff.**

**If you're reading this, it means you've stuck with me through alllllll 17 chapters and to me that is just CRAZY. Absolutely CRAZY! I love all of my readers! Whether you just found this fic, or you've been with me from the beginning, THANK YOU. It's been a wild ride, and I'm so grateful you're still here. **

**I hope you liked this fic, leave a comment if you'd like. I am very grateful to those very loyal readers who leave a comment at the end of every single chapter, you guys are AWESOME. Thank You! (You know who you are my amazing, amazing readers :D) **

**I'm working on a new fiction, and I'm hoping it'll be out soon, so if you're interested, look out for it. Like my other fics, it'll be a future!klaine…probably full of angst, just like this one xD updates on my tumblr page: klainesupporterforever . tumblr . com **

**OH! And just because this is the end, I'll reveal what my original plan had been, before the weird plot change. In my rough drafts of this fic, what happened with Kurt leaving Blaine and going off to Paris was supposed to be the end, and they'd kind of have that tragic never-going-to-really-happen love. They'd hope, and dream, but deep down they'd figure they never could really be together. Kurt would disappear with Josh to Paris, and never come back—but it broke my heart to write that so…it went to that random, Kurt never actually going to Paris and just…fleeing. **

**Kind glad **_**that **_**didn't happen huh? I couldn't really handle that either…**

**As for the title, "We Aren't We Were" it's song lyrics from the song "A Day Late" by Anberlin. It's kind of supposed to symbolize Blaine and Kurt's delusion that they could be the couple they once were in high school, despite their current relationships and everything—and ultimately realizing that they weren't those people anymore, and everything has changed. **

**Reviews = LOVE! **

*****Disclaimer: No ownership of Glee here =P**

* * *

><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were<strong>

**Finale – Part 2**

Kurt stared at Blaine, his wide eyes brimming with tears. His hand fell from where it had been intertwined with Blaine's.

Blaine swallowed, and took a deep breath, his hazel eyes still locked on Kurt's. "Do you have _any _idea what you're doing to me? Do you? I feel like—I feel like…" He shook his head, feeling his emotions getting the best of him.

Kurt bit his lip nervously, feeling his knees shaking, about to give out any second.

"—I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel—I feel _insane." _Blaine was shaking, his fists clenched together, blinking furiously.

"Blaine…" Kurt whispered, his voice barely audible.

"You can't just _show up _like this Kurt!_" _Blaine's voice sounded so pitiful, so broken compared to the anger he was exhaling earlier. Blaine shook his head furiously, unable to look at Kurt anymore. "Because—because I don't think I can handle it—after everything."

"I'm sorry…I just—I—" Kurt's breath hitched, and his words were left hanging in the dangerously silent air between them. "I…"

Blaine looked up slowly at Kurt, and was faced a new kind of heart break. Kurt's eyes had fallen to the pavement and stubborn tears were rolling down his pale cheeks.

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, his eyebrows knitting together. "Kurt, no. Please don't—please don't cry." His voice cracked with wary desperation.

Kurt blinked furiously in an attempt to gain back his barely-there resolve, but it was no use. The dam had collapsed, and the flood of emotions was flowing out in an uncontrollable wave.

Blaine trembled where he stood. He could never stand when Kurt cried. Even now, after all things said and done, standing here, watching as the tears flowed unmercifully from pale blue eyes—it was _killing _Blaine inside.

Blaine sighed heavily and instinctively pulled Kurt into a hug. He felt Kurt tense under him, but he didn't pull away. Blaine furrowed his eyebrows in frustration as he held Kurt in his arms. What was _wrong _with him? Why does he _do _these things?

Blaine pulled away slightly to look at Kurt, who refused to look him, keeping his damp eyes focused on the ground.

Blaine reached out and wiped the tears off Kurt's cheek with his thumb gently—despite himself—trying desperately to stop Kurt from crying and hopefully alleviate the stinging pain he felt in his chest seeing Kurt this way.

Kurt stepped away gently, brushing Blaine's hands away from his face. "I'm fine…" he whispered softly, "Really, you don't have to do this."

Blaine winced. _Have to? _If only it was that easy. He _needed _to. Couldn't he understand that his heart was breaking just _seeing _Kurt cry?

Kurt took a steadying breath, finally working up the courage to look at Blaine. "What do you want Blaine? What do you want from me? You can't keep telling me you're still in love with me and expect me to just walk away from that. I—I needyou to tell me what you want."

Blaine swallowed. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

"I came here today, to tell you that I loved you. I always have, and always will, _be_ in love with you, Blaine." Kurt's voice was shaking, but it held strong. "I know I don't deserve anything from you but _please, _tell me what you want from me. Because I don't think _you _know what you're doing to me right now."

Blaine's eyes narrowed in confusion. "What?"

"You can't just tell me you're in love with me—and then _kiss _me, and expect me to walk away now. That may have been my intentions when I came—after all I've done, I wouldn't expect you to want me anymore anyways."

Blaine shook his head and sighed.

What _did _he want? Was it possible for his heart to want one thing while his mind was screaming at him for another?

On the one hand Blaine was furious. It almost _physically _pained him to see Kurt again. Especially since the last _actual _time he'd seen him, he'd been blissfully unaware of everything that was yet to unfold. He hadn't known that Kurt had already decided in his mind that he didn't want _them _anymore. He hadn't known that the last time they would make love was a desperate, _selfish _form of goodbye. He hadn't known that in the morning he'd wake up, and Kurt would be far, far away from him, leaving no indication as to where he might be. He hadn't known that…that his heart would break in such a painful way, that there was a point in his life he'd feel like he'd never be happy again. He hadn't known _any _of it.

He thought he could keep all of it bottled up. He thought he could move on, and forget the man who'd hurt him so badly, and never bothered to show up again. The man who never—not once—called or wrote or…_anything_.

And then out of the blue he's there, standing out in the crowd of people, staring at a painting—_his _painting—no _their _painting. And everything just came pouring out. His anger, his pain, his confusion, it all came out. The feelings he'd desperately and painfully buried deep within, came out in one frustrated, raging outburst. And he screamed at him. He yelled his frustration with a new kind of harshness he'd never known he had. His words were dripping with spite and cruelty, and he knew it.

Then he thought about tonight. He thought about the conflicting ways he's been acting. He was raging one moment, and reaching out kiss Kurt the next. Blaine couldn't deny the dizzying, tingly feeling he felt when his lips pressed against Kurt's—that instant jolt of electricity pulsing through his veins as soon as he came in contact with him.

"—Blaine?" Kurt spoke out, startling Blaine out of his thoughts.

Blaine made a noncommittal sound, focusing his attention on Kurt again. "I—I don't know."

Kurt let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding in. "Oh…"

Blaine let his eyes flutter shut for a moment, his brow furrowed as he attempted to deal with the conflicting thoughts in his mind.

The two stood in silence.

Kurt watched as Blaine's eyes close in deep thought. Part of him wondered what was going through his mind, while another part was battling his own thoughts and emotions. Blaine had _kissed _him. Blaine had kissed him _twice! _Kurt could feel himself shiver at the mere memory of it. All things considered, that was literally one of the last things he'd expected Blaine to do tonight. He expected—almost _needed _to hear the anger. He knew he deserved it, and as much as it killed him to hear, he knew a lot of what Blaine said was right. After all he'd done, he couldn't _dare _even _consider _Blaine taking him back. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind…until now.

Blaine's eyes blinked open, exposing his tired eyes, and turned to face Kurt. The deep pools of hazel were sad, but firm.

Kurt braced himself for what Blaine was about to say. He had a distinct feeling about what Blaine was going to say.

Blaine was shaking as he finally came to his realization. He took a few steps closer, taking a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak.

"I just don't—I don't think I could do this again." Blaine murmured finally, catching Kurt's gaze. "I was a mess—I'm _still _a mess. I just—I can't. I'm sorry."

Kurt sucked in a deep shaky breath, "I know. I've known for a while." Kurt fidgeted from where he stood, "I just—I just didn't expect it to hurt this much actually _hearing _you say it." His lower lip was trembling.

Blaine's heart felt heavy in his chest, and he could feel a lump forming in his throat. He had to do it, it was the reasonable decision. Too much had happened between the two—too many lies, too many broken promises, and too many false hopes. The damage had been done, and Blaine could never forget it.

"I'm _really_ sorry, Blaine" Kurt said at barely a whisper.

Kurt stared sadly into the soft hazel eyes that were dampened with tears. He could feel his own eyes moisten with tears, a few rolling down his cheek. Kurt knew this would happen. He was an idiot for thinking that Blaine would evereven _consider _taking him back, but there was still that glimmer of hope buried deep within his heart that he desperately clung to it. It was a hope that wished, with every ounce of its being, that Blaine could just forgive him, and they could work things out and just be _happy_ again.

It was an implausible hope that every mistake he'd made would vanish and things could be perfect and wonderful. It was a hope that even Kurt, knew was unrealistic. After everything that'd happened, Kurt was fully aware that the two people standing here today weren't the same two people who'd blissfully held each other, just a few months ago. Because now, everything different; Now, everything was broken and scarred.

"I do still love you though Kurt," Blaine whispered, looking sadly at Kurt, stepping closer, wanting desperately to reach out and hold him again.

Kurt was blinking rapidly. There was a stabbing pain in his chest from Blaine's words. He'd said them in such a way that was almost apologetic—almost as if, given the option to change it, he would. He could feel a lump forming in his throat.

Kurt shook his head, and took a few steps back, "Please, don't say th—that."

Blaine forced a weak smile, and looked into Kurt's eyes. Kurt caught his gaze, practically drowning in the pools of hazel. His eyes were soft but sad. They were also sincere—something that made Kurt happy to see still existed in his eyes. They made him think of the warm Blaine he loved—the Blaine that was always kind, even in the worst of situations.

They made him think of , perfect, _Blaine_.

"But it's true." Blaine insisted, taking a few steps closer, "I do—and I'm sure I always will. You're not easy to forget, Kurt. I would know."

Kurt swallowed—feeling overwhelmed with emotion. "Blaine, please. I can't—I can't _hear _that from you. It—it's too…"

Concern filled Blaine's eyes and he furrowed his eyebrows, leaning in to look at Kurt—less than a foot separating their faces.

Kurt couldn't move—he could barely breathe. Blaine said _he _was making _him _go insane? Kurt could practically feel Blaine's breath against his cheek, his hazel eyes gazing across his face, displaying a look of worry. Why couldn't he see how painful it was for him, now? Why couldn't he just let him _leave? _So he could go back to hotel room and just scream, and let out the inevitable tears that will follow suit.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked, oblivious, his eyes narrowed in confusion.

"You're not the only one going crazy, Blaine," Kurt said at barely a whisper. He was practically trembling.

Kurt knew he shouldn't have done it. But he couldn't help himself. Every brain cell in his head knew he shouldn't have done it. But every _fiber_ in his _being_ told him he hadto. His body _needed _it—even if it was for the last time.

Without a second thought Kurt thrust his mouth against Blaine's with enough force to knock them both backwards. Blaine's hands fell to his sides in shock, while Kurt's moved up to tangle in Blaine's soft brown curls. And in the space of a next heartbeat he was kissing Blaine, hard and full on the lips, his manner deeply passionate, and hopelessly desperate.

After a very brief moment, Blaine pulled away, his arms resting firmly on Kurt's shoulders. His eyes of deep hazel and glints of gold poured out a look of confliction. He pressed their foreheads together lightly, his face flushed. He could see the heat rising to Kurt's cheeks as well, and noted that his soft pink lips were still parted slightly.

"You shouldn't have done that…" Blaine whispered, his hands unconsciously gripping Kurt's shoulders tighter, eyes unable to meet Kurt's gaze. "You _really, _shouldn't have done that."

Blaine didn't know if he was addressing Kurt, or himself.

Kurt was trembling from the rush of electricity pulsing though his veins. "I—I couldn't help it…" he whispered back. "…You must know the feeling."

They looked at each other for the briefest of moments, Blaine felt like his knees were about to cave beneath him. His neck was blazing hot from where Kurt's hands had touched him, and he could feel Kurt's warmth from where his hands rested on his shoulders. He pursed his lips together, and gently pushed Kurt away, stepping a few steps back himself, leaving a reasonable gap between them. He was still rather taken aback by Kurt's sudden _kiss_, and could barely think straight.

He took a shaky breath. "Kurt…"

Kurt shook his head vigorously, feeling too emotional for words.

Blaine swallowed and took a cautious step towards Kurt. "Kurt, listen…"

Blaine could feel a lump forming in his throat as he looked into Kurt's glassy eyes, his tears, again, threatening to spill over at any moment. Blaine could feel his resolve slipping as he gazed into those familiar, brilliant, blue-green eyes. Memories of all the times he'd lost himself in those familiar eyes flashed before him, and he could feel his heart rate starting to increase.

Blaine swallowed, and took another steadying breath. He'd expected this to happen. He'd expected to feel this way again. Getting caught up in past memories, and the heated, passionate tension what Blaine was sure would always linger between the two of them. But no matter how his heart swelled when he looked at Kurt—_beautiful _Kurt—there were some things he just couldn't un-feel, and pain he could never forget.

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows, and stared down at the ground. "Kurt…" he started again, trying to keep his composure, but failing.

Kurt sucked in a breath.

"Kurt…" Blaine whispered, his own breath getting caught in his throat for a moment, "Kurt, I—I _can't_ forgive you…"

Kurt bit down _hard _on his lip in an attempt to keep from breaking down in front of Blaine. He couldn't cry—he _wouldn't _cry, not again. He knew the idea of Blaine forgiving him was a long shot, and was pretty much impossible. Too much had happened and now it was too late.

"And I'm not asking you to," Kurt replied, "but how could you just—how could you just turn away from love? I know you felt it too just now, right? You felt it? I'm in love with you Blaine. I don't want you to go. "

Blaine's heart stopped beating, he was sure of it. Bile rose in his throat, stomach tugging painfully and his chest aching. He shot Kurt an incredulous look, barely able to believe what he was hearing and staggered backwards in shock.

"It's what you did, isn't it?" His words were ice cold, and dripping with spite. He was painfully aware of how cruel his words sounded as they fell out of his mouth, but he continued to stare at Kurt, eyes slightly narrowed as he awaited a retort.

Kurt's lower lip quivered for a moment, feeling the air tense up between them, but otherwise held strong, a fierceness emerging in his eyes. "Yes, it's _exactly _what I did."

Blaine's eyes were blazing, "Then you of _all people _should understand—"

"—No, you don't get it Blaine." Kurt cut off. His words were soft, but his tone was strong and determined.

Kurt gave a water smile, but continued on, his voice shaking slightly. "Letting you go was…the _biggest_ regret I've ever had. I thought I could do it. I thought I was strong enough to forget you but…you never _forget, _Blaine. Never. You told me that yourself."

Blaine stood in stunned silence, his face expressionless.

"I thought you _hated _me Blaine. I honestly did. How could you still feel _anything_ but loathing toward me, I'll never understand? I honestly believed it when we first…_spoke _at the gallery the other day, but—but you—you said you still loved me, and everything changed."

Blaine's heart was starting to pound in his chest again. He clutched his fists together tighter, and squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to calm the flood of emotions currently about to break loose.

"I could understand you never wanting to see me again because you couldn't stand the sight of me anymore—but again, you can't just tell me you're _in love_ with me and expect me to let go, because Blaine, I honestly don't think I can."

Blaine swallowed. His breathing was growing rapidly, and he was trembling slightly.

"You can't tell me—_keep _telling me that you're in love with me and expect me to accept it and move on. _I'm _in love with you too! I didn't think I had a shot in hell with you again after what I did—I still don't. But you can't just _say _something like that to me." Kurt's voice fell to a tremble. "You just…you can't say that to me and just…_leave._ You can't say that to me and expect me to _let _you leave,_" _Kurt's voice was barely at a whisper.

"—we can't do this again Kurt," Blaine said softly, breathing out. He was fighting back all his emotions. He was fighting against the opposing signals his body was sending, and the barely functioning rationale his mind was giving. He was practically shaking in attempt to keep his barely-contained composure—and the way Kurt was staring at him wasn't helping.

Kurt gazed at him, standing wordlessly as his blue eyes locked on hazel.

_Kiss him. _

A shudder passed through Blaine as his body craved to launch his lips against the pair of perfect pink ones standing just a few feet away from him. His whole body tingled at the ghosting memory of their roughly shared kiss just moments ago, and it took all Blaine had in him to push the thought away and focus on what Kurt was saying to him.

"Why not?" Kurt retorted, eyes blazed with a blue fire that Blaine knew all too well.

_Kiss him. _

Blaine sucked in a breath, his arms twitching to follow his instincts and just press his lips against Kurt's. To feel the man's soft lips move against his, to touch his perfect porcelain skin, and—

"Kurt…" Blaine's forehead was starting to dampen, "What you did was—it broke me. I was a mess. You didn't leave me with anything but that _note—_that I don't even _understand_." Blaine dragged a hand down his face in attempt to wipe away the beading sweat, "I didn't even know where you were! I can't do that again! I can't, and I won't."

Kurt nodded, but held his gaze. "You didn't understand the note?" he asked softly.

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows, instinctively reaching into his back pocket at pulling out his wallet. Kurt watched him as he did so, but Blaine's eyes never left Kurt. A small piece of paper fluttered out onto Blaine's hand as he held his wallet out and opened one of the flaps.

Kurt's eyes widened in realization.

Blaine took a daring step forward, the scrap of paper clutched in his hand.

"_I could never say goodbye to you…_" Blaine recited, his heart pounding in his ears from his close proximity to Kurt.

"It means exactly what it says, Blaine." Kurt didn't look at the paper, his eyes refusing to break away from Blaine's.

The tension was building. Neither one spoke, both just staring at each other intensely, the only sound coming from their heavy breathing.

"I could never—_never_ say goodbye. I'm in love with you Blaine. And if I know that you feel even a fraction of that love towards me, I won't let go. Not again, not _ever_. I was foolish to think I could the first time, but I am _not _letting go now."

_Kiss him. _

Blaine pursed his lips together, and let his eyes flutter shut for a second. His heart was pounding, practically ringing in his ears. He couldn't steady his breathing anymore, and he felt like his chest was about to burst. His mind had lost all capability for _any _rational thought, and all his emotions felt like they were about to pour out any second. He blinked his eyes opened to look at Kurt, who was standing before him wordlessly. His blue eyes glistening with unshed tears, and his face flushed from the intensity of his words.

"I—I…" Blaine stammered.

Kurt stared at him with sad eyes, blinking to try to stay calm.

_Kiss him. _

Blaine tilted his head down, trying to shove the thoughts out of his mind—the stupid_, impulsive _thoughts that kept screaming at him despite his attempts to mute them from his mind.

_I'm in love with you Blaine…I won't let go…not ever. _

The words rang in his ears, and it was all he could think about as looked at Kurt, who was now looking back at him softly, chewing nervously on his lower lip, his gaze never leaving Blaine's.

_Kiss him. _

Blaine couldn't think anymore. Everything came bursting out all once, and this time there was no controlling it.

Before Kurt knew what was happening, Blaine had breached the distance that lay between them in one quick step, and caught Kurt's mouth in his. The pounding of his heart roared in his ears; Kurt forgot how to think, and only let himself feel, as he lost all sense of everything except the warmth of Blaine's mouth on his, the way Blaine's fingers tilted his face slightly to deepen their kiss. And it was feverish, and desperate, and everything that Kurt wanted to remember how to feel all over again.

Blaine pulled back, his hands still resting on Kurt's face, his eyes searching for some sort of signal, _look, _a clue as to what was going through his mind, anything that could assure him that this was _okay, _and that he _should _be doing this—despite everything that was still hanging in the air between them.

Kurt's breath hitched as his blue eyes caught piercing hazel. Coherent thought wasn't even an option anymore. All he could do was the one thing he'd wanted—_needed—_to do since he'd seen Blaine again. He kissed him back.

In a single movement Kurt brought his lips to Blaine's once more. Blaine's mouth tasted like a familiar memory, like a special place he would always remember for the rest of his life. His arms went around Blaine instinctively, holding him close against him as they kissed deeply, as he let go of everything that kept them apart and brought them together, until it was just the two of them, and for a split second—nothing else mattered.

* * *

><p>When they finally broke apart, Kurt was breathless, confused, happy, and nervous all at once. Blaine was staring at him with an unreadable expression—but his eyes never once broke away from Kurt's.<p>

Blaine's face was flushed and his breathing was shallow. He swallowed anxiously—his entire body was still tingling with sensation. He couldn't seem to break away from the bright blue eyes that gazed back at him, and for a moment it felt like they were the only two people in the world.

It was getting really late, the night has set in, and the only source of light was shining from the few streetlights that lined the pavement. The street was quiet, no cars passed at this late hour, and it was just the pair, and the sound of their heavy, uneven breaths.

"Whoa…" Blaine breathed out, his hands reaching up to rake through his messy hair.

"Yeah…" Kurt responded, his mouth falling open slightly.

Blaine blinked several times, willing his mind to think of something to say—_anything. _But his brain was practically melting out of his ear after that, and all he could think of was how spectacularly amazing he felt.

The two of them staggered to the edge of the sidewalk, and settled on the edge on the curb. They sat there, side-by-side, both pairs of eyes still unable to break away from the other.

"Um—we should probably…um…" Kurt tried to say, but his voice fading away. He wouldn't know what to say even if he tried.

"Yeah, we—um—we probably should," Blaine replied absently, inching toward Kurt again.

As if someone had ignited spark once again, the two dived at each other once more, the kiss softer, sweeter this time. Their lips moved together with ease, their noses brushing against the other ever so slightly. The air around them became tinged with the scent of their passion and the world crumbled into insignificance. All Blaine could taste was Kurt's mouth, all he could hear was Kurt's rough breathing, and all he could feel were Kurt's hands running expertly over his body as they hadn't done in months.

Any rational thought left his mind and Blaine just smiled against Kurt's mouth.

After a few more dizzying moments had passed, Kurt peeled away gently, his eyes twinkling as they looked into Blaine's burning hazel ones.

"Um—Blaine?" Kurt asked softly.

Blaine pulled Kurt close, and settled his chin on his shoulder. He took a deep breath, still able to feel Kurt trembling against him, but simply pulled him even closer to him, their bodies easing into the comforting warmth between them.

"Yeah?" Blaine hummed, nuzzling against Kurt's shoulder.

"We're—we're going to be okay, right?" There was a slight hint of concern in Kurt's voice.

Blaine pulled back to look at Kurt, smiling gently. "I don't know." He answered simply. "But I think we'll figure it out—_together_. I'm not entirely sure if this is the right decision just yet—but I have to give it another try. I might _actually _go insane if I didn't. Besides, we can't _both _make the same mistake again, or things would just _fall apart." _

Kurt let a small smile wash over his face.

"Is—is it okay if we…" Blaine took a steadying breath, "is it okay if we just, take it slow for now? I, I don't think I'm ready to jump straight into a relationship just yet after—_you know._ It might take me a while to—to get used to _us _again."

Kurt nodded, reaching out to cup Blaine's cheek with his hand. "We'll take it as slow as you need to. I'm not leaving again. _Never." _

"I love you, Kurt Hummel." Blaine whispered, leaning forward to press their foreheads together.

"I love you too, Blaine Anderson." Kurt whispered back, a grin sweeping across his face.

* * *

><p>The pair stayed sitting on that curb in front of the art studio, Kurt resting against Blaine's chest as he played with his hair. Time passed quickly as they reacquainted themselves, falling back easily into light, comfortable conversation. There was a lot more to be said, but right now, they simply just sat together in peace, knowing full well that though they'll have to deal with their problems soon, just not quite yet. Not quite yet because, <em>right now, <em>it was sort of perfect.

The San Francisco sun would be up in a few hours, and they'd stay up to watch it.

Their future will be rocky, and they _may _hit some rough patches. But their love is strong, and it is certain that they can weather out anything that comes their way.

The past can never be changed, and the scars will forever remain—but as it turns out, the only person that can move along the healing, and bring back the joy and happiness, was the person who'd had left them in the first place.

Some may call them fools for believing this could work after all that's been said and done, and perhaps it's true, but they were fools in love. And fools in love, well, are there any other kind of lovers?

* * *

><p><strong>Author's second note: Thanks for everyone for staying with me till the end! Please leave a review or something about how you feel about the fic overall (: Should I add an epilogue? Hmmm…maybe? Haha! <strong>

**You can also visit my klaine-explosion tumblr page if you'd like (: **  
><strong>On the side page you can find some drabbles that i've put up that were scenes I cut from the actual canon story. <strong>

**http : / klainesupporterforever . tumblr . com / drabbles**

**Just sort of...deleted scenes I guess? Haha! I put up two so far, one titled, "Don't You Wanna Stay" which is a song fic about Kurt having to leave Blaine at the end of chp 13. And also the other titled "And For a Moment...Everything Was Perfect" which is a mini drabble about what went down right before Blaine and Kurt spent the night together in chp 9.**

**THANK YOU FOR MAKING IT THIS FAR! I LOVE YOU ^.^**


	19. Epilogue

**Author's Note: Okay! Here's the epilogue! I am just…**_**terrible **_**at writing fluffy things. I love angst (if that wasn't obvious already) so…sorry if this epilogue isn't as fluffy as you'd like. I tried xD**

**This **_**reaaaaally **_**is the end though! So I hoped you enjoyed it! I am soooo grateful to all the feedback, and kind words you guys left for me. I'll continue to write! Forever and ever! More info on that at the end (:**

**Reviews = LOVE! **

**Also, I have a tumblr page! So check it out? Klainesupporterforever . tumblr . com **

*****Disclaimer: I do not own Glee!**

* * *

><p><strong>We Aren't Who We Were - Epilogue<strong>

Blaine smiled, fidgeting with the paintbrush in his hand, and leaned back slightly to look over his work, _almost finished_. The curtains of his bedroom were open wide, allowing the unusually bright San Francisco sunlight to stream in, shining itself right on the sleeping figure, still buried beneath the covers. Blaine laughed quietly to himself as he watched Kurt groan and turn over in the bed, hiding his head beneath the pillows and pulling the covers over his partially exposed body.

Blaine had set up an easel and a stool at the side of his bed earlier that morning, after being hit with a sudden burst of inspiration, and scrambled out of bed in hopes to get the painting finished before Kurt woke up.

That morning he was going to paint Kurt—he was going to _finally_ do it. And _this time_, there were no heavy weights on his heart, or other troubles clouding his mind. This moment was perfect.

He laughed softly. Kurt wasn't a heavy sleeper, _at all, _and he was starting to stir, moaning as he tried to escape the sun's bright beams.

It'd only been a few days since Blaine finally decided that _today_ was going to be the day. Today he was going to ask Kurt to move in with him. He was rather hesitant about it at first when the idea popped into his head. He and Kurt had tried to take things slowly, but they'd be lying if they said they didn't get swept up in it all every once in a while. There were moments when their past seemed to just disappear, and things seemed to just pick up where they'd left off in high school, but the scars were still there.

It was tough, rebuilding their relationship from the ground up again—but it was also refreshing and fun. Though he and Kurt were now very different people from the young teenagers that had fallen in love so many years ago, Blaine realized not _that _much had changed since then. He remembered the first time Kurt had reached over intertwined their hands together—it was after one of their dates, and they'd been strolling through the quite city streets, enjoying the fresh air. Blaine still remembered the tingly fluttery feeling when it happened, wondering how such a simple act could have made him feel so _flushed. _

Despite everything that had happened between them, it seemed like _now, _it was the little things that made his heart beat a little faster, and his cheeks blush a little redder.

Kurt yawned sleepily, turning around in the bed, completely and blissfully unaware of what was going on as he snoozed.

Blaine felt a rush of happiness flood his body as he added the final few streaks of color to the nearly finished painting. He _finished. _After all this time—one failed attempt after another—he _finished. _Blaine felt a grin spread across his face as he glanced over the finished product, beaming with pride.

Blaine stared at his work. Kurt was stretched out on his stomach, head resting peacefully on the pillow with one hand by his face, his other buried beneath the pillow. The sheets were tangled into his legs, falling right above his hips, exposing his long, slender back.

Kurt might kill him when he was it when he woke up, but…he could deal with it later.

Blaine slipped on a robe, and crept out of the room silently, leaving a note on the bedside table and a wild flower he's stolen from his neighbor's front yard—the old bat wouldn't notice anyways.

* * *

><p>Blaine hummed lightly under his breath as he brewed some coffee and stuck a few pastries into the toaster to heat up.<p>

Ideas ran through his head about _how _exactly he was going to do this. Should he casually weave it into conversation, or make a romantic gesture out of it? Blaine's mind even considered the possibility that Kurt would say _no, _that it was too soon, and they were stepping out of bounds.

Blaine sighed in content and waved off the negative thoughts.

Perhaps it _was _too fast—but it felt right, and to Blaine, that's all that really mattered now.

He stared past the small kitchen and into the wide open living room, that was now completely unpacked, arranged similarly to his loft back in Brooklyn.

Blaine laughed at the old beaten up, worn out couches and random paintings he had hanging up on the walls. If Kurt _were _to move in, he had a feeling a lot of these things might have to go.

Blaine had even been secretly cleaning out one of the empty rooms, and had a few shelves, drawers, and dressers installed upstairs to act as Kurt's closet. Blaine could vaguely recall Kurt's enormous old closet back in Ohio—and that had been _16 _year old Kurt's wardrobe. Blaine could only imagine how many clothes Kurt had _now, _considering his head spot at _Vain _Magazine probably got him in on all the latest fashion trends, and he had more than a few platinum cards in his wallet to swipe.

He glanced at the clock—the morning was beginning to settle in, and Blaine knew Kurt would be soon be roused by the cheerful birds that chirped loudly outside Blaine's bedroom window.

Blaine smiled and took a deep breath, settling himself in the kitchen, and nervously waiting for Kurt to come down.

It was going to be a big day—he could feel it.

* * *

><p>Kurt blinked open his eyes, furrowing his eyebrows at the brightly lit room, groaning as he heard the familiar <em>irritating<em> chirping from the birds perched on a tree beside Blaine's window_. _He pushed the covers aside, yawning as he did so, and glanced around the room, still feeling drowsy, his heavy eyelids still half closed.

He smiled as he found a small flower on the bedside table, placed delicately atop a small note scrawled on a piece of paper.

Kurt picked up the note and searched the floor for his clothes, feeling himself blush as he found spotted his shirt hanging over a lamp across the room.

He shrugged on his shirt, attempting to smooth out the wrinkles, but failing. He grabbed his pants from where they were draped over a chair, and planted himself back onto the bed, resting the note beside him as he pulled his pants on.

_Kurt, good morning! _

_I wasn't sure if I should be there or not for the "unveiling" or not, but there was a small part of me that felt you might get mad at me, so I decided to hide downstairs until you saw it. I brewed coffee! _

Kurt narrowed his eyes in confusion, glancing around the bedroom hazily, blinking open his eyes, hoping to catch sight of what Blaine was talking about.

Kurt's eyebrows shot up as he noticed a easel at the side of the bed, with the back of a canvas resting on it.

_He didn't…_

Kurt crawled over the bed to the other side, and climbed off, hesitantly staring at the painting from the side.

His breath hitched as he stepped in front of it, his mouth falling open as his eyes scanned over the painting. Kurt flushed with embarrassment as he recognized, and the _very_ inadequate corner of blanket covering his groin as he slept blissfully unaware.

In a matter of seconds Kurt was bursting out in laughter, feeling a mix of embarrassment and overwhelming love towards Blaine.

* * *

><p>Blaine was waiting downstairs when he heard rustling from upstairs and saw Kurt making his way down the steps, his face unreadable.<p>

Blaine's eyes were trained on him, following him as he crossed the living room and into the kitchen, a look of nonchalance plastered on his face. Blaine eyes were bright, practically beaming at him, his eyebrows raised in silent questioning—_what was Kurt playing at? _

Kurt sat down across of Blaine at the kitchen table and poured himself a strong cup of coffee, and flashed Blaine a tired smile, settling nicely into his chair.

Blaine could feel a small smile creeping onto his face.

Kurt took a strong sip from his mug, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment as he felt the warm liquid flow through his body, warming him up, the burst of caffeine helping him fight off the morning drowsiness.

He opened his eyes to find Blaine grinning at him, waiting expectantly.

Kurt burst out into giggles.

Blaine let out a breath and joined Kurt in the laughter.

"So you finally finished huh?" Kurt asked between gasps. Color was rising to his cheeks as he laughed.

Blaine scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "So I take it you liked it?"

Kurt's eyes were twinkling in Blaine's direction, "I loved it, Blaine."

Blaine could feel his heartbeat quicken, and his confidence grow slightly. _This was it. This was the moment. Just ask him Blaine. Ask him. _

Blaine cleared his throat, his nerves starting to catch up with him.

Kurt looked at him with a content smile, holding the warm mug between his cold fingers, gazing happily at Blaine from across the table.

"Kurt…I uh—I wanted to ask if you um…" Blaine began to blush despite himself. This shouldn't be too hard should it? I mean _honestly…_

Kurt raised an eyebrow and tried to keep from bursting out in giggles again, from seeing Blaine's flushed face, blushing more than Kurt had seen in a while.

"Don't tell me—you have others," Kurt said with a soft chuckle, taking another sip of coffee, and smiling warmly as he reached across the table for a warm pastry.

Blaine eyes widened in momentary panic, "Wait what? No—Kurt I swear that was the only one! I've never, _ever—_okay maybe a few sketches here and there but I haven't actually done another—"

"—Blaine!"

Blaine relaxed, and blushed even harder as he watched Kurt break out into a grin, his soft laughter filling the room—making Blaine's heart swell with affection. _That_ laughter—that simple, perfect, _beautiful_ laughter—he wanted to hear it everyday. He wanted to be close to that laughter all the time, and share that laughter, maybe even _be_ the reasonfor that laughter.

Blaine cleared his throat again and chuckled nervously, reaching across the table to cover Kurt's hands with his own, squeezing gently.

"Kurt I—um, I was wondering if you wanted to…maybe…" Blaine started grinning as he slowly lifted his head to meet Kurt's curious eyes.

Kurt flashed Blaine an amused smile as he watched Blaine struggle with his words for a moment, wondering what exactly Blaine had up his sleeve this time.

"Move in with me," Blaine breathed out, leaning over the table, and pulled Kurt's hands to his lips and kissed at the knuckles nervously—his eyes never leaving Kurt's. He could see his eyes light up in excitement, then narrow in confusion, and finally widen with panic.

"Wait, are you—are you sure you're ready? I mean it's only been—" Kurt began, his face going pale.

"—yes." Blaine said quickly, scooting forward, his bright eyes meeting Kurt's hesitant ones. "I'm _so_ ready Kurt." Blaine was practically beaming as he spoke, "I know we said slow but—I can _barely_ standit when I'm not with you. I hate waking up and tuning over, half-expecting you to be next to me, only to find out that you're not. I want to be with you Kurt—and you living so far away from me is literally _killing _me." Blaine reached out to brush a strand of hair from Kurt's forehead, "Move in with me, Kurt."

Kurt opened his mouth to speak, giving Blaine a searching look before letting a soft smile sweep over his face. "I'm—I'm kind of _nervous." _

It was Blaine's turn to break into a gentle laughter. He tugged on Kurt's hand, gesturing for Kurt to come to the other side of the table, and pulled him into his lap.

Kurt settled into Blaine's lap, still smiling sheepishly as he rested against Blaine's shoulder, turning slightly to face him.

Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt's chest, and leaned forward to press their foreheads together.

"We'll figure it all out together," Blaine promised, nudging Kurt with his nose, making him smile. "And maybe it _is _too fast given the circumstance but—but I want to try anyways. I miss you too much. Besides—it feels—it feels right, doesn't it?"

Kurt looked at him meekly, still sort of worried about pushing Blaine too far. Things were still sort of raw, and it scared Kurt to think of messing it up again.

"Hey…" Blaine whispered softly, catching Kurt's concerned expression, "We'll be okay…it just—it takes time to heal a wound this big."

Kurt chuckled softly, his eyes hesitantly meeting the shining hazel ones before him, "Blaine, I've planning us moving in together since junior year of high school, what do you _think _my answer is?"

Blaine laughed and let Kurt nuzzle against him again.

It felt nice. Sure, things weren't perfect—but it some ways, they kind of _were. _Yeah, Kurt and Blaine didn't have a perfect little house, with perfect lives to match—and far from it, really. They still argued when bits of their past crept up on them unexpectedly. They still got worried they discovered things they'd never known about the other, but learned how to adjust to it.

Kurt was still skeptical when Blaine claimed he hadn't used hair gel in his hair in years aside from the few formal occasions he had to clean up for an art gallery or something. Blaine laughed when he found out Kurt still had that habit of chewing on his fingernails when he was nervous, and an abnormal addiction to coffee.

There were times when they just fell back to who they were with each in their blissful youth, while other times required more talking and getting to know, because surprisingly enough, people change over the years. Seven years was a big gap, and it took a while for them to get to know each other again. Not many things had changed—but some _did_, and while it tough some days, at least they were _together—_and to Kurt and Blaine, that was all that mattered_. _They'd never bothered to talk too much before, both being blinded by lust and desire to care, but things were different now and they _wanted _to know these things.

Their past may have caused a lot of trouble, a lot of pain, and lot of hurt, but they _will _move past it. Things just take time to heal. Even though they were on two different tracks, they were slowly merging into one, one step at a time.

Blaine sighed contently as he playfully nuzzled at Kurt's left ear with his nose, laughing softly to himself as he did so.

"I love you, Kurt." He whispered into his ear.

Kurt shifted in Blaine's lap, turning to look at Blaine. He was beaming at him, casually, but with a fire in his eyes that still—after almost 8 years—still caused Kurt's heart to thud loudly in his chest, and his cheeks warm up with a rosy blush. He'd said those three words with such simplicity—as if it was the most obvious thing in the world—that it just _was, _and saying it merely justified the feeling.

Blaine pulled Kurt closer absently, wrapping his arms around him tighter, and rested his head against Kurt's neck. He left out a comfortable sigh, and let one of his hands rest in Kurt's lap, one of his fingers playing around with the fabric of Kurt's robe.

Kurt cupped Blaine's cheek with his hand, turning ever so slightly to look into Blaine's eyes, and leaned in to press their foreheads together.

Their breathing sped up as they sat there staring into each other's eyes, Blaine's lips pulled into a grin—Kurt's following shortly.

"I love you too, Blaine."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Second Note: Sad this is over? Well read some deleted scenes! I've put a few short "We Aren't Who We Were" Drabbles on my tumblr page (: <strong>

**I put up two so far, one titled, "Don't You Wanna Stay" which is a song fic about Kurt having to leave Blaine at the end of chp 13. And also the other titled "And For a Moment...Everything Was Perfect" which is a mini drabble about what went down right before Blaine and Kurt spent the night together in chp 9.**

**http : / klainesupporterforever . tumblr . com / drabbles**

**I've also been working on a new future!klaine fic that'll probably come out in a couple weeks, but I kind of got sidetracked in something else that's a little outside what I usually write and that kind of intrigued me. I've started writing an AU BadBoy!Blaine fic…which I hope I put out soon, so look out for that! The future fic is still in the works, but it's a lot longer than the BadBoy fic, so I'll put that out first. **

**THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! **

**Leave a final review? Haha! I love you guys! **


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